Editorial: Fools Like Me

So, reportedly, Square Enix’s Final Fantasy series has sold 85 million copies since its debut waaaay back in 1987. Unsurprisingly, this makes it Squeenix’s best-selling franchise, with Dragon Quest hot on its heels and Kingdom Hearts bringing up the rear.

My goodness, but isn’t the staying power of the series remarkable?

I know it’s more and more popular these days to bash the series. In my eyes, this is largely due to the domineering mentality of “hate on any product/franchise/individual that’s successful because it makes me feel less insignificant.” But, in the defense of said haters, in the last eight years we’ve only been given two true Final Fantasy games to sink our teeth into. The numerous spin-offs and remakes, despite how good a few of them were, don’t really count. (And no, Final Fantasy X-2 doesn’t count either.) Final Fantasy XIII seems to be moving right along in development, but God knows when we’ll actually see it here in the states. (Hell, if it actually hits Japan this winter, I’ll be very surprised. I’m just skeptical like that.)

But the fact of the matter is that you just can’t keep a franchise like Final Fantasy down. There are two very important reasons for this: first and foremost, it’s impossible to deny how solid the main series is. Maybe it isn’t your cup of tea, but you’d be hard pressed to find another JRPG series that has so consistently displayed such pristine production qualities. Fans will always squabble back and forth over which ones suck and which ones don’t, but that’s just another one of the series’ beauties – when it comes to Final Fantasy, one man’s trash is another’s treasure.

The second reason is, perhaps, of equal importance: if I’m any indication, the Final Fantasy fanbase is composed of a bunch of spendthrift morons.

I want that. The game, I mean.
I want that. The game, I mean.

What makes me say that? Well it kinda just slapped me in the face recently when I spent EIGHTY DOLLARS on an imported copy of Advent Children Complete. Why didn’t I just wait for the (much cheaper) North American release? I’m sure you can guess; I wanted the Final Fantasy XIII demo included in the Japanese release. That’s right; I effectively paid $80 for an hour-long demo. Somewhere, a seedy corporate figure at Castle Squeenix is laughing. (IN MY MIND, they have a castle.)

I could go into detail about how many stupid FF-related purchases I’ve made, some of them more painful than others. *cough*DIRGEOFCERBERUS*cough* But I won’t. The fact of the matter is that, simply put, Square Enix has created such a powerful, name-recognized franchise, they could release a FF-themed Mario Party knockoff starring Big Bird and get away with it.

Oh, wait… they did that already?

Whatever. I love Final Fantasy. I always will. And now, just for fun and flameage, I’m going to list my favorite Final Fantasy games in descending order:

  1. Final Fantasy VII
  2. Final Fantasy XII
  3. Final Fantasy X
  4. Final Fantasy VIII
  5. Final Fantasy VI
  6. Final Fantasy IX
  7. Final Fantasy V
  8. Final Fantasy IV
  9. Final Fantasy X-2
  10. Final Fantasy III
  11. Final Fantasy
  12. Final Fantasy II

So, readers… how much respect have you lost for me after reading that list? And have you made similarly zombie-like purchases?


  1. Great article and so true.
    Although I ALSO want Lightning in my pants. Not just the game…in my pants.
    I’ll list mine too, I’ll put a star beside the ones I haven’t completed, but keep in mind that I’ve PRACTICALLY beat VIII.

    1. Final Fantasy IX (BIG SURPRISE)
    2. Final Fantasy XII
    2. Final Fantasy VII (yes, they’re tied. Deal with it)
    4. Final Fantasy X-2 (excellent battle system, okay? And yes, I’ll list it, unlike Montok)
    5. Final Fantasy X (yeah, I like the girly sequel better, are you really surprised?)
    6. Final Fantasy V*
    7. Final Fantasy IV*
    8. Final Fantasy VI*
    9. Final Fantasy II
    10. Final Fantasy I*
    11. Final Fantasy VIII*
    12. Final Fantasy III (WOW that game was bad)

    That was the point of my repost, I took OUT that line.
    I hate you with all my hate heart, Montok.

  3. Why is the lamentable FF8 at place No. 4 on your list? Any why is the ridiculous FF10 in No. 3? You say they are better than FF9!? Are you serious?

    And Final Fantasy I is next but last? Madness. You are a mad, mad man.

  4. 1. Final Fantasy VII
    2. Final Fantasy VI
    3. Final Fantasy IX
    4. Final Fantasy V
    5. Final Fantasy I
    6. Final Fantasy VIII
    7. Final Fantasy IV
    8. Final Fantasy II
    9. Final Fantasy X
    10. Final Fantasy III
    11. Final Fantasy X-2
    12. Final Fantasy XII

  5. I’ve only played the mainline FFs, Dirge of Cerberus and Chocobo’s Dungeon. Honestly, with the sharp decline in SE’s quality lately, I probably won’t bother with XIII unless non-fanboys view it favorably.

  6. on man’s trash is another’s treasure??? Just who is on man and what makes his trash so valuable?

  7. Oh I see what you meant to say was one man’s trash is another’s treasure. Makes much more sense now.

    6-Crisis Core(If it’s ok to have X-2 its ok to have CC).
    17-All crystal chronicles games.

  8. BTW as you well know I am also a fool like you, I can’t help myself and SE knows it….I don’t even particularly want ACC.

    This is precisely why every night I shake my fist at the sky and curse the name of Square-Enix, and wish that Yoichi Wada would die in some humiliateing fashion.

    The sad part is that as soon as I get my hands on a retail copy of FFXIII, I will likely forgive them all their trasgressions.

  9. Till you see the quote on the back cover.

    “SiliconNooB is a man whore!” ~ Wada

  10. Not again!….He always does this to me. I remember last time around I was really excited to have finally bought FFXII until I looked at the back and saw:

    “SiliconNooB is a lowly peon who buys vacuous games with pretty graphics and no story”~Wada

    Surely not I said to myself…..then I went home to play the game and discovered he was right.

  11. @MasterChief – They may have fallen off recently, but do you feel that way with the main Final Fantasy series? I don’t think they’ve gone astray there. I feel like that run should be considered separately from the rest of their releases.

  12. Oliver, any FF ranking that has FF8 over FF6 or FF1 is clearly wrong headed and written while suffocating under a cloud of ether! FF8 is like FF4 except with terrible gameplay.

    My ranking would be something like this. Ranking relative to one another and a X/5 score afterwards.

    1) Final Fantasy VI (5/5)
    2) Final Fantasy X (5/5)
    3) Final Fantasy VII (5/5)
    4) Final Fantasy X-2 (4.5/5)
    5) Final Fantasy IX (4.5/5)
    6) Final Fantasy XII (4/5)
    7) Final Fantasy IV (4/5)
    8) Final Fantasy V (3.5/5)
    9) Final Fantasy XI (3.5/5)
    10) Final Fantasy I (3.5/5)
    11) Final Fantasy III (3/5)
    12) Final Fantasy II (1.5/5)
    13) Final Fantasy VIII (0.5/5)

  13. It’s just a preference, I myself have to admit to kind of liking FFVIII somewhat, though I wouldn’t go as far as excusing its terrible gameplay.

  14. 1. VII
    2. VI
    3. V
    4. IX
    5. IV
    6. I
    7. VIII
    8. II
    9. III
    10. X
    11. XII

  15. 1. IX
    2. VI
    3. IV
    4. X
    5. VII
    6. V
    7. VIII
    8. I
    9. III
    10. XII
    11. X-2
    12. II