Editorial: Gief Moar!

Dear friends, we seem to live in an age of shovelware games and spinoff content. Big companies hurl this tripe at our vapid little faces and we gleefully scarf it down like Nate Liles with a bowl of Kraft Dinner (not to be confused with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese). The shelves at game stores overflow with garbage games, often based upon movies or comic book series. Likewise, but to a lesser extent due to market saturation, the shelves of video stores are sullied by garbage movies based upon games. Everyone wants to cash in on a popular piece of intellectual property and milk the stupid masses for all they have. The list of examples is endless. The Super Mario Bros movie, every movie or anime based upon a fighting game, all 27 Harry Potter games … seriously. I don’t even have to try here.

Now, I could be a negative nancy and use this space to moan and complain about the crappity-crap-crap that the entertainment industry hurls at us, and the dumb-dumb-dumbfaces who lap it up. But I’m not. I’m going to be part of this problem and not the solution, damn it. So here are my suggestions, my wish list, for games that I think would benefit from some satellite, spinoff content.

1. Shadow Hearts.

This game would make the most bad-ass mother-loving anime or manga series. It has that mixture of dark, gothic themes, horror, action, romance and comedy. I’m thinking Ninja Scroll meets Berserk meets Samurai Champloo. Completely epic.

2. Chrono Trigger

Justice demands a television series! Starring Frog! I can see it now, a Saturday morning cartoon with an accompanying line of action figures. This idea has instant hit written all over it. Plus, Frog’s theme song kicks enormous ass and would be amazing with an accompanying animated sequence. He would need a sidekick, though. Maybe a magical flying tadpole?

3. Xenogears

This may be a bit obvious, since many people mockingly compare disc 2 to a book but I think that Xenogears could be adapted nicely to a novel, or more likely a series of novels. Preferably written with a third person narrative. There are so many characters whose heads I would want to explore in a way that the pace and limitations of a game do not allow for.

4. Disgaea

Another obvious one. It has all of the ingredients for some delicious manga and anime. Similar to Shadow Hearts, it can be gothic and scary, but also whimsical if not downright hilarious. Compared to Shadow Hearts, though, Disgaea would lean more towards the light and humorous and perhaps be more child-friendly.

5. Metal Gear Solid

Easily converts into a blockbuster action movie. Just take any of the game, strip away the actual gameplay, and release the cut scenes in theatres. Then convert some of the background music to rock and you’re good to go.

See you guys later. I posted from work (again) so … you know the routine. I might add pictures later when I get home.

0 comments

  1. Both Chrono Trigger and Disgaea spawned manga and anime. The Disgaea anime was released in NA as well. It’s quite light-hearted and amusing, and full of in-jokes for people who have played the games.

  2. I would enjoy Xenogears novels, but the thought of an MGS movie makes me feel a little ill.

  3. Isn’t the big Hollywood monster trying to make a Metal Gear movie? It’s pretty much the only franchise they haven’t defiled as of late. No need to remind you that Shadow of the Colossus is being done. >__<

  4. ugh, the 2nd, 5th, and 6th comments depress me…

    Final Fantasy Tactics would make an awesome seinen manga and anime.

  5. Xenosaga is bullcrap and when I invent a time machine, it will be erased from our history.

    I must look into this fabled Disgaea content. >.>;;

  6. @Epyon: I did forget about the SotC movie. Thanks SO MUCH for the reminder X_X

    @EvilPaul: I’m not sure how much mass-market appeal there is for a 50-hour movie :D. Granted, I’m sure they could probably the main story down to 1.5 hours pretty easily, but one of my favorites parts of P3/4 is the social links and the little stories that go along with each character. I think it could just end up a real mess if they tried to weave all those into the plot in a coherent way, you know? That being said, I’d still watch it.

    @Ginia: I don’t know, I watched one of the Tekken anime movies once. This scene alone (from 0:40 to about 1:00) made it worth the $1 I spent on the rental:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSr4ZyNuzog

    Even thought the voice acting still makes my ears bleed.