News: Hollywood Likes Raping Japan

Ghost in the Shell Translation Fail
Hopefully they will leave brain-eating semen out of the film. Oh awful subtitles, how I love you.

Ghost in the Hell that is America

If you have not heard already, the classic anime Ghost in the Shell is going to be turned into a Hollywood movie by Dreamworks Studios. We all have seen the disaster that occurs when studios try to make anime and video games into live-action features. How many of you will burst into spontaneous fits of rage at the mention of the Dragonball atrocity? That’s what I thought. A recent interview with the screenwriter, Laeta Kalogridis, is not doing a good job putting any of these tensions to rest. While she does say it will be based more off the manga, not the 1995 film, her comments on the film itself are underwhelming. “A lot of action…lots of action,” sounds like we should prepare ourselves for two hours of Michael Bay style explosions, insert collective groan here. She goes on to say that “[the movie] is about vast possibilities – all of this technology, the Internet – it’s about the limitless possibilities of this technology. ” Fans will know that this is a slightly shallow definition of the series, one can only hope that it was only because she did not want to spoil it rather than a complete lack of knowledge of the series. The tentative release is still defined only as 2011.

Black Bible
There are no pictures from Bible Black that don't involve strange magical phalluses, so enjoy this Black Bible instead.

One Way to Make LARP More Fun

Classic anime, manga, and video games are not the only things that American film markets have decided to cannibalize. Now, they have decided to take their live-action sledgehammer to hentai! The critically acclaimed Bible Black series, which started out as an H-game and made its way to dirty DVD, is rumored to be the next victim. Media Blasters released the anime series in North America, and their CEO, John Sirabella, said in a forum post, “wait till you see the Bible Black live action trailer.” Considering the logistics of the genitalia in this series, I am pretty certain this will be more of a disaster than the Left 4 Dead porno series. If you are looking for sexual gratification, this probably isn’t what you want, but if you are looking for naked comedic gold, keep a watchful eye for this potential disaster.

Ludacris in FF13
With the inclusion of rapper Ludacris in Final Fantasy XIII, they couldn't help but make a CD just for the minorities. Barrett would be proud.

It’s Okay if They Steal From Japan, They’re Black

Have you ever listened to the Final Fantasy soundtrack and thought, “Hey, this would sound really awesome with some guy singing about bitches and hos?” Well, apparently someone out there did. Team Teamwork (great name there, fellas) released their new CD this week, ‘Vinyl Fantasy 7’, a compilation of FFVII tracks mixed with the musical styling of Jay-Z, MF DOOM, Outkast, and many other names in the hip-hop industry. It can be downloaded for free at their website, along with their similar bastardization of Zelda’s Ocarina of Time soundtrack. The question raised by this is, as with every fan creation, the possibility for litigation. There is no indication that these are endorsed by either Square or the rappers themselves. From listening to their music, I doubt MF DOOM or Ghostface Killah will care, they may even find it amusing, but Jay-Z? Hopefully the music mogul never discovers these unusual tracks about Sephiroth gettin’ dat money.

[Ed. — The above tracks (and indeed every mix from every game) were pulled due to a Cease and Desist letter. Currently, the future of similar projects remains very much in doubt.]

Kigurumi Maid
Awww, she's so cute! And its quite possible that her dick is much bigger than yours.

But Japan Will ALWAYS Reign Supreme Leader of Weird Shit

And they are determined to prove it. This week, for the second year in a row, Akihabara has been graced by a certain kind of maid cafe. For those unaware, it is exactly as it sounds; you sit down for tea and snacks while a cute girl serves you and does cute maid things and acts insufferably moe. But this cafe has a twist, it is kigurumi themed. They still serve you tea and snacks, still act adorable…but you have no idea if you’re being served by an adorable girl or a perverted homely man. The advantage of this, as I can tell you from having selected the staff for the Katsucon 15 maid cafe, is that you can hire maids as ugly on the outside as you want as long as their personality is sparkling and they can perform well. The masks that hide any grotesque flaws are based off anime characters, which does managed to attract a large customer base, despite the lingering apprehension of the maid’s indeterminate gender. If you’re brave, really curious, or just really hungry, head over to Japan, because this is one trend that I highly doubt any nation will ever try taking from the crazy Nihons.

0 comments

  1. I’ve never been to a Maid Cafe before, though there is always one at Youmacon.

    Usually, I am afraid of the other convention-goers, and I do my best to stay as far away from them as the constraints of the venue will allow.

  2. Otakus are kinda scary. But I will say that I am slightly horrified about the FFXIII thing. I’ve heard so many bad things about the soundtrack, I don’t want to listen to it, and really, the rappers don’t make it any better.

  3. – Oh, man, bad porn can be HYSTERICAL sometimes (anybody here seen Lord of the G-Strings?). I’ve never heard of Bible Black, but it could be entertaining for all the wrong reasons if they do it right.

    – I don’t think I’ll ever understand the whole “maid” fixation in Japan. Although, looking at that statement, that’s probably one of the tamer things out of Japan that I just don’t understand.

    @Lusi: My girlfriend and I accidentally went to Mitsuwa (a Japanese marketplace new where ACen’s held) last year the weekend of ACen. THE HORROR O.O.

  4. Tonight I’ll weep for Ghost in the Shell … I can only hope that it dies like the Bioshock film.

    – All rappers should be shot like the common criminals they pretend to be!

  5. @SN: Now, now, no need to be rash. Rappers are very useful for weeding the idiots of society. Much the same as a moth light.

  6. @Lusi: Maid cafes can range from “Hey, that’s kind of neat” to “WHY GOD WHY?!” It all depends on how insane you get with it.

    Katsucon’s Maid Cafe, back when I still ran it, was pretty mild. They were in maid costumes and served onigiri and had conversations with the customers in English at the table. The woman that is running the cafe this year is BATSHIT INSANE. She is demanding the maids learn a ridiculous number of Japanese phrases, that they kneel on the floor by the tables rather then sitting like a regular person, and worst of all, take a gander at what she hired:
    http://www.katsucon.org/programming/maid-cafe/
    Note that Aiko, Emi, Magome, Niko, Yomiko, and Yumie are the only ones that are from my cafe last year…meaning that out of this huge cast of characters, only six of them know what the hell is going on.

    Needless to say, I’m attending this year, solely to watch the horror. Next weekend, bitches! I’m contemplating recording it and posting it here for all to see.

  7. I went to a maid cafe once. I awoke several hours later missing a kidney. If only I had known it was a Yandere Maid Cafe. :/

  8. Serves you right, you should have attended an UNDERBOOB Maid Cafe!

  9. @Oyashiro – the horrifying thing is that as many themes as there are there probably is a yandere cafe.

    @DG – no, your first comment was more accurate.

    -sigh- you know, I was going to argue with SN for bashing rap but there’s really no defending it. whenever I try I feel like Sisyphus with corns on his feet and grease on his hands.

    “It’s Okay to Steal from Japan, They’re Black” – the sounds I’m hearing are blasphemous… but… I… can’t… stop… bobbing…

    “But Japan Will Always Reign Supreme Leader of Weird Shit” – jesus-heathen slapin-christ that shit is WRONG!

  10. And @Breaka: I make fun of rap and it’s not really my type of music, but in all seriousness, if you like it, more power to you. Don’t feel you have you defend yourself to a bunch of idiots on the internet :F.

  11. @DG – oh, don’t mind me. I’m not upset that people make fun of it, I’m upset because when people make fun of it they’re usually right. I don’t want to defend myself from idiots on the internet, I want to attack idiots on BET.

    I feel a rant coming…

    I remember once there was a special on BET on raps effect on the black community. the whole thing was basically the rappers defending the blisteringly stupid shit that they do and say on a daily basis. at one point T.I. said that if he were to make a song about actual issues and shit rather than, say, bragging about how he ran out of places to put gaudy jewelery on his person and so was forced to start jamming into his mouth then the BET execs would tell him that that shit can’t air. his excuse for helping ruin his own people was that their dicks were so far down his throat that he couldn’t form words larger than three syllables and that was why the shit he talked about was so stupid.

    not to say BET isn’t the problem. while T.I. was being a bitch tryin to throw other people under the bus (blame can’t be divided) the execs are horrible. there are MCs who talk about the war, rape, race relations, love (real love, not some dipshit talkin about how some bitches ass is so fat when he hits that shit a wave goes through it), the effects the media has on peoples minds, GOD, and corruption in the government that you would never know about because BET NEVER SHOWS THEM!

    ahhh… OK, I feel better now.

    fuck BET. and that cafe is still fucking creepy.

  12. @breaka: Amen. There is legitimately good rap music out there, usually the old-school hip-hop when it was still meaningful and some (though not all) of the current underground, but it never gets any airtime. Rapping about political affairs and the declining state of the world around you can’t be set to a music video of girls wiggling their asses to it. Except for this one, they did show it on BET, but only once due to complaints: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlKL_EpnSp8

  13. @Biggs: That maid cafe has a LOT of maids. Some of whom are terrifying. Going to it would be like playing Russian Roulette.

  14. @Jenifer – I had forgotten about that awesome song. I was very surprised when that aired. I didn’t know it aired due to complaints, I thought someone at BET had acquired something resembling a soul (probably by sacrificing an infant to Astoroth) but I guess it was just pressure. my last shot at BET (today).
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hYMUCuodv4

  15. @breaka – To be honest, it wasn’t the worst time I spent with a girl. :/

  16. @Oyashiro – bahahaha! well, she did touch you in ways you’ve probably never been touched before. that’s saying something. too bad you didn’t get one of the kirintei yanderes who just have sex with you until it hurts.

  17. @oyashiro – oh god… I could have gone my entire life without seeing that…

  18. @Breaka – She touched the deepest parts of me. *Blush*

    If it turns out to really having a talking bike It could just be the best movie EVER!

  19. I’m actually just glad I didn’t wander into a Futanari Maid Cafe. They too would have touched the deepest parts of me. :(

  20. @Oyashiro/Breaka: I’ve always thought Akira needed more Nightrider….

  21. @Breaka: Oh god I forgot about that episode of the Boondocks. I love the show to death.

  22. @Jenifer – I feel that while the cafe had it’s bumps (every event planning project has them), I feel that we did a good job both years. I find it truly hurtful, being one of the maids you chose last year and being a maid again this year, that you find the need to name call and offend all of the maids, who, as you know, volunteer our time to raise money for Relay For Life. Thank you for your past help, and I hope that whatever you write about [the katsucon maid cafe] in the future will help you become less bitter about whatever made you bitter in the first place.

    <3 / Yomiko

  23. And there’s probably someone still wondering why Jenifer didn’t run this year’s cafe (psycho much?). I had my share of interactions at this year’s maid cafe and I can say, from first hand experience, Jenifer doesn’t know Katsucon 16’s maid cafe from her own ass. None of the maids were made to learn “a ridiculous number of Japanese phrases” nor did any maid kneel on the floor. They all sat in chairs, held conversations in English, played games with customers (jenga, operation, etc.), and served food. Not only that, but the new maids, while not perfect, all knew what was going on. The majority of problems that arose came from the maid being an intermediary between the table and the normal waitstaff. It may be better to actually go to the cafe before you spew your meaningless, bitter, petty, comments.

  24. @Jenifer I am curious what horror you watched, and where you will be posting the recording for all of us to see. There’s nothing like a good village stoning, I say.

  25. @Yomiko: While I understand your point, you do volunteer and could have spent your time actually enjoying the con instead of working, you also need to come to understand mine. First, Katsucon (not just the cafe, the whole con) exploded into a huge pile of shit on the organizational level in May of last year. Those of us that tried to leave gracefully, honestly, we didn’t want to. We worked hard on the con, and they threw it back in our faces, and that includes me even with the original run of the cafe. Second, from everything I heard prior to the cafe, the woman that replaced me truly was batshit insane. Disorganized, uncaring, scatterbrained…and while she had good ideas and good intentions, she was too chaotic for any of it to turn out well.

    @IronFist: Hurf durf, way to reply AFTER the cafe has concluded. And I DID actually go to the cafe to see how atrocious it was, and on most counts, I was right. The maids I listed in the above comments? They were, as I suspected, the only ones that knew WTF was going on. All the others were as unorganized, clumsy, and inattentive as the average McDonalds clerk. So why don’t you grow a pair of balls and make a challenge BEFORE the actual event rather than pussying out and trying to underhandedly insult me after the fact.

    Never mind the fact that it certainly says something about you both that you would go out of the way to read through my offhand comments made on a video gaming blog simply to see my response over a year after the original cafe that I ran. Smooth guys, smooth.

  26. I really do hope you mean katsu 15 and not 16 because 16 did a great job. Not only were all of the girls adorable, the department head was working her ass off and her seconds did what they could to assist and improve. I sense a little bitterness in these comments. If your problem is with males dressing as maids then you should open your mind a little. The world is an interesting place and believe it or not there is a kind of acceptance and love at an anime con that you won’t really find elsewhere. Don’t taint that with judgemental BS. This year’s maid cafe was amazing, and if you want to argue, come up with some things to counter what I just said. You will lose over and over.

  27. And lol at you being surprised and sarcastic about maid cafe reading this. You are just trying to cover your ass with humor. Not working. Of course someone would tell them if someone was trashing them. So take your “smooth” comment and apply it to yourself, you’re the one that needs it.

  28. Heyya, this is emi (one of the maids who worked both the years at the cafe) and I personally think that the entire topic is being blown out of proportion. I feel like each cafe was completely different from the other; which makes sense since they were both run by two completely different people who had two vastly different ideas as to what they wanted the cafe to be like. I love both my bosses and I feel like both of you did your very best to make the maid cafe all it could be. Yes, some people might be jerks and say that all the maids were not good looking (not anyone on the forum, just ass holes at the con), but I feel as though we were a diverse group of people; One that had a little something for everyone.
    I don’t feel it’s right to judge any of us unless you know how much work, love and effort goes into making this cafe work, which is why I can understand how jennifer might be feeling. After all, the maid cafe started as her baby, and then was taken unfairly away from her when the con came under new management. All in all, I believe that everyone involved in the cafe and everyone who came to the cafe can see that it was not just a food establishment, but rather a labor of love and I think that we would all do well to remember that.
    ^.^ Love you all ^.^

  29. @Wartooth: Adorable? Yes. Trained and able to do their job? No. Cute isn’t the qualifier here, though it certainly helps. And thanks for assuming things with no evidence, seeing as I made no comment at all about the male maids. I could care less who is in the costume, as long as they do a good job. Did you not read the actual article that these comments are attached to? Kigurumi are a little creepy with the masks, but as long as they can do their job, why should I care? The only concern I would ever have with a male maid is for the customers; if a group of guys comes in and sees him, it will be funny and interesting, but when they realize they are being seated with him rather than a cute girl that they intended to be with, that could potentially ruin their maid cafe experience.

    As far as the department head…where exactly was she working her ass off? I saw her once, and it was doing exactly what she and the other maids shouldn’t have been doing: standing around bullshitting. And if standing around rather than doing their job wasn’t inexcusable enough, this was with a revamped food system where the maids had even less to do because the restaurant was delivering the food. The entire concept of the maid cafe is not simply a place to sit down and eat, there’s a cultural entertainment aspect to it. The maids are supposed to be seated with their customers, talking and playing, engaging the customers in conversation and really making them enjoy their experience. These new girls were essentially your standard inattentive waitress, and do notice I specified the new girls. The girls from K15 were trained to do the job properly, and while my maid was standing idle in the corner rather than doing her job, I was able to look around the rest of the cafe and see that all my former girls were doing exactly as they were supposed to.

    Finally, “you will lose over and over,” really? How immature do you need to be? I didn’t realize I was having a dick-measuring competition here. Be reasonable about this.

    @Emi: You’re completely correct. My ideas were different than hers, and I will give her this quote: “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” I’m sure my replacement had the best of intentions, just as I did, but they were left unexecuted and made for a poorer cafe experience. I’m not by any means saying my cafe at K15 was flawless, anyone who attended knows that we had our issues, but we had a damn good excuse: this was the first attempt. The lines were ridiculously long and performances were axed due to the overwhelming response we were unprepared to handle. This could easily have been remedied this year, but it wasn’t.

    The quick-fix band-aid for the performances was to show anime, which was a cop-out and denied the customers the experience they came for. And the line problem was only slightly fixed, though I still saw a few times where the lines was obstructing foot traffic.

    And as far as assholes saying the maids were unattractive? Fuck them. Like I said above, appearance isn’t the #1 qualifier for being in the maid cafe.

    But the biggest point to take home from Emi’s message is definitely true: it was a labor of love that I worked damn hard on, and though it had its flaws, it was a success. This year could have been the year to improve upon my previous cafe’s flaws, and they didn’t, so I am sorely disappointed. The new cafe had every opportunity to make this amazing, and it was completely underwhelming. Any bitterness than anyone wants to accuse me of is at Katsucon itself, not the cafe.

    And I really do want to commend Emi for coming here and speaking as sincerely as she did. Everyone else is acting like a shit-spewing retard straight off of /b/ or the Halo forums, so if I’m being a sarcastic jackass with you? Pot. Kettle. Black.

  30. I’m back, baby! Much to your dismay.

    Of course I commented AFTER the cafe was concluded. What kind of moron comes onto the internet and completely blasts something BEFORE it’s happened? Hold on, I swear I’ve seen someone do that before. Oh wait. IT’S YOU! You are that moron! You completely trashed the cafe and it’s staff before it even opened. You insult yourself. You didn’t need my assistance.

    Not only that, I issued no challenge, but simple opinion formed through my own observation after I had been to the cafe. Your opinion was clearly formed before the cafe even opened on the 12th. Even though you did eventually go, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you walked in hating the cafe and everyone in it? So, take your biased opinion, stick it in the usual place, grow up a bit, and quit being so petty.

    If you must know, I’m a gamer and anime fan, so a video game blog with an entry about a live action Ghost in the Shell movie was bound to catch my attention. The comments were made to clear your bullshit. Which you’ve been laying on a little thick. Which is more “smooth”: the people responding to comments about the cafe a year after the original, or the one making the comments? You really don’t think before you post, do you?

    Lastly, please explain exactly what was wrong with the cafe and what you would have done differently. By all means, if you can spare the time, explain your magnificent plan that would have culminated in the ultimate maid cafe experience. What would the great and brilliant Jenifer have done this year? What Would Jenifer Do? (Think the maids could get WWJD on wristbands next year?)

  31. @IronFist: Read the other comments before you so ignorantly post. They all respond to everything I thought was wrong and what would have been done better. And do try to focus on the last paragraph in my last comment, it would really help.

  32. The majority of people who attended the Katsucon Maid Cafe had a wonderful time. New maids or not, it was a success. We all tried our hardest so while you claim Katsucon 15 was a labor of love for you, Katsucon 16 was a labor of love for US. The department head was a wonderful person to work with, she worked extremely hard. You were not there behind the scenes, so please do not think that because you saw her for a momentary second that you can claim she did not work hard.

    Just because you had the first year crash course and identified problems does not mean that those problems could be addressed and fixed for the second year. Not only was Katsucon at a completely different venue but the snow storm slipped up numerous staff and convention goers.
    The factors of the equation were different for both years so don’t assume that the solution would be the same.

    I doubt that anything I say is going to reach you but I think it might be time for you to let go. The more you insult and fight the more immature you are being made out to be.

  33. @Suki: “I doubt that anything I say is going to reach you but I think it might be time for you to let go. The more you insult and fight the more immature you are being made out to be.”

    You do realize this is a situation where I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, right? If I respond, then I’ll be made out to be the immature one who won’t let things go, as everyone here obviously has. If I don’t, then the same people will turn around and say its because I’m cowardly or because I don’t have a good excuse for what I say. I’m not a coward, I do have justified reasons for my statements, and I’m certainly not immature. The immaturity here is the fact that, obviously, one person found it and sent it to another and to another and to another, and as each person comes and leaves their attack, I’m doing the right thing and responding to it. If you want the cycle of immaturity to stop? Then send people to Lusipurr.com because its a video game blog, not because you want to start a flame war based on an off-hand comment.

    And a momentary second? I was there for an hour, and saw her standing there BSing almost the whole time. Sure, the cafe was several hours long, but when she and her bevy of maids are standing there idly, the job is not being done properly.

  34. @Jenifer – I’ve pondered on this a while and really wondered whether I should get involved. But, here I go. I was one of the con chairs for Katsu 16 and will be one of the con chairs again for Katsu 17. I have to say first that I’m sorry that you felt you were treated poorly when the leadership changed over last May. I was not involved with the change in staff for the Maid Cafe so I can’t comment on what happened or why. But, regardless, I am very sorry that you felt that you were treated poorly. Sincerely, I am. No one should spend their time volunteering and leave feeling that they’ve been mistreated.

    In regards to the Maid Cafe this year, I have to say that while you were only there for an hour, Amanda and her staff were there for the weekend and worked their respective butts off. I saw it first hand. I also have to say that I had *multiple* attendees stop me and tell me how wonderful that they felt the Maid Cafe was this year. You may have done things differently, but wouldn’t we all? Whenever someone takes over a new endeavor we do it the way that we feel is best. It doesn’t need to be better or worse, but it’s always different and it’s always a learning experience for everyone involved. I’m sure that you ran a wonderful cafe, as I know that Amanda did.
    And as for Amanda being “bat shit crazy”, that I have to disagree with. I have never seen anyone so dedicated to their staff, to the point of having her tiny apartment overrun with maids for days while in the planning stages. It was her first year ever running a department. Was she flustered? I’m sure she was at times, but she also gave 110% constantly. Katsucon would be lucky and honored to have more volunteers like her.
    To everyone else on this thread, I am thankful for the maids and readers who stood up for the cafe and Amanda, however, Jenifer’s right. The more you attack her opinion the more she will feel forced to vehemently defend it further. No one wins. So, if you enjoyed the cafe this year, that’s fabulous and we’re glad. If you didn’t, please tell us how you feel it could be improved by sending an email to Christine at Katsucon.org. Obviously, we’ll take Jenifer’s observations into consideration as well. Thanks.