News: Japanese Potpourri

No DLC, but the chocobo behind him will soon be KFC.

SquareEnix’s Neverending Circle-Jerk

This week, two of the Squeenix producers frustrated their devout Final Fantasy fans for what seems like the billionth time. At the end of January, Tetsuya Nomura of Final Fantasy VII fame declared that the hallmark of the series will not be receiving a remake, despite the deafening fanboy screams after the PS3 technical demo several years ago. But this week, Yoshinori Kitase, producer of the ill-fated Final Fantasy XIII, said that he was very interested in the idea of a FFVII remake.  Unfortunately, the same interview yielded yet another nail in the coffin for FFXIII, completely striking out the idea of any DLC. This comes after claims that the mind-numbing linearity of the game was due to the difficulty in making towns for an HD-console, but Kitase rebutts that his tunnel vision was inspired by movies that feature an opening period of character development before any actual plot starts. He did not comment on the other damning claims made this week that screenshots were faked to make the game look better than it actually does, so much to the chagrin of the internet, the fevered thrashing of PS3 versus XBox 360 fanboys will continue until the game releases outside of Japan. This will be March for North America, Europe, and Australia, followed by May for the rest of Asia.

She wants you! ...To give her all your money, and maybe your soul.

The Obscene Riches of Suzumiya Haruhi

Despite the turbulent second season that enraged many fans, notoriously dubbed the Endless Eight for its protracted and confusing release, this week proved that fans of the anime goddess Haruhi Suzumiya are either very loyal, very stupid, very insane, or some combination of the three. Despite only releasing on twenty-four screens throughout Japan, the movie took in 200 million yen (approximately US $2.2 million) in its first week, and this past week took in yet another approximately US $567,000.  This movie, titled The Vanishment of Suzumiya Haruhi, is shaping up to be the second largest non-Ghibli anime movie out there, beaten only by last year’s Evangelion 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance. If the movie itself is not enough Haruhi Suzumiya action for you, or if you are wondering why this anime blurb is on a video gaming blog, then whip out your iPhone and find out a way to get iTunes Japan to work in your region, because you can now download the video game that was played in the series, Day of Sagittarius III. Released Tuesday, the game is a space shooter based on the same one played in episode thirteen, and looks to be overly simplified from what was in the series, but possibly worth a play.  I am still waiting for the Haruhi Suzumiya Phoenix Wright game based on the episode where they parodied the spiky-haired lawyer, but I think I will be left waiting for a long, long while.

Clearly not phallic at all.

When a Daddy Wii and a Mommy PS3 Love Each Other Very Much…

That’s how peripheral babby is formed! Sony is currently pregnant the yet-unnamed device that, like Project Natal for the 360, seeks to duplicate the motion detection properties of the Wii, and like any good parents, they have some names tentatively picked out. The 2010 DICE (Design Innovate Communicate Entertain) Summit opened in Las Vegas this week with Disney Interactive Media Group’s president Steve Wadsworth mentioning the Sony Gem in connection with several games they will be releasing. Its other tentative name has been the Arc, so we can only assume they’re waiting to see what gender the babby is when its born. That release date is yet unknown, but previous whisperings point to Holiday 2010. Wadsworth went on to talk about the highly-anticipated Epic Mickey game and the possibility of development for the PS3 and 360 rather than Wii exclusivity, with fellow executive Graham Hopper hinting that the new motion detection systems are most likely the reason for the change of heart. Just like the peripheral babby, Disney’s Tim-Burton-Meets-Mickey-Mouse game also has no confirmed or projected release dates at this time.

"WTF is this shit?! I wanted strawberry, you asshole!"

Because Nerds Need Love Too

If you hate calenders, the commercial world, and the mere idea of romance, then you are possibly one of the few that didn’t realize this past Sunday was Valentine’s Day. This would also make you the only one, as even pathetically lonely nerds in Japan acknowledged the pink-and-red holiday. The inhabitants of 2ch this week posted the pictures of their lonely weekend, and shockingly, it was not pictures of them and their favored hand. It was far more depressing than that. Figurines of popular anime girls were given boxes of chocolate, special cards, and in the case of the captioned picture, cake. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he has offered a cake…to his computer screen. So if you spent this Valentine’s Day weeping that you are alone, comfort yourself with the knowledge that you didn’t bake pastries for your electronics. And if you did…wow man, just…wow.


  1. “No DLC, but the chocobo behind him will soon be KFC.”
    I’d call you racist but I’m laughing too hard.
    “Clearly not phallic at all.”
    Sony – today we are pleased to announce the name of our new peripheral. The Sony Controller Hexa-axis Lateral Omnidirectional Neophallic Gyro.

  2. @Breaka: Me? Racist? Never! By the way, I have some cotton that could use some picking…

    Besides, with how much Kev calls me his “little cracker Nazi wife” and how our relationship if his way of getting back at The White Man for oppressing his people, I figure I’m even, LOL.

  3. It’s true. Sometimes we role-play a reverse Nazi concentration sex camp scenario in bed. “Anal sets you free!”

    If Max Moseley can do it, so can I!

  4. @Jenifer – Ahahaha! so your his 40 acres and a mule? tell him that every time he plows you he needs to thank MLK jr. and remember, when he slaps you on the ass it’s not reverse racism, it’s reparations.

  5. In b4 Lusipurr comes screaming that this a family-friendly blog.

  6. Jen forgets that I stay in the south side of Chicago, in the Cottage Grove area off King Drive, at least twice a week with my cousin for law school.

    I’m blackanese now!

  7. and the White Man comes to ruin the Black(anese) Mans fun again.

  8. @Lusipurr: Racist, sexism, and sexually explicit conversation… so what’s happening on your website is essentially what’s always happening on your website.

    @Kev: You can’t be Asian and Black! I can only throw so many racial slurs at once, you need to pick one!

  9. @Jenifer – yeah, you’d think he’d have gotten used to it by now. maybe he lacks pattern recognition.

  10. Eventually he’ll just give up and re-direct the entire blog to /b/.

  11. @Kenjujuu: Don’t worry, I have plenty of offensive left in me! However, you are a woman and should be in the kitchen, get off my damn internet. :D

  12. I would absolutely go for a Haruhi game built on the Ace Attorney engine. And yes, Endless Eight was painful…what the hell were they thinking?

    Personally, I would much rather see an FF6 remake than an FF7 one. I honestly don’t understand why people are so rabid about FF7 all the time. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as some of the other ones.

  13. @DanChiSao: I really enjoyed the first season of Haruhi…hell, I even cosplayed as her for last Otakon. But after hearing how ridiculous E8 was, I didn’t even bother trying.

    And agreed, but financially, I sadly don’t see it happening. VI had its PSX remake, and my personal favorite IV recently had a DS remake, so Square probably wouldn’t even consider either of them for remake. VIII would also be an interesting candidate, but considering it was a massive graphical improvement from VII, they probably see it as unnecessary.

    Plus there’s one final financial consideration: the rabid drooling masses with pay huge sums of money to see more bishounen villains. Advent Children and its three Sephiroth clones were proof enough that fangirls and their high-pitched, mispronounced ‘KAWAII DESU’ squeal will fill Square’s bank accounts forever, so while they are fucking their reputation of quality, they aren’t going to mess with financial success.

  14. I’m about as big an FFVII fanboy as you can get, and even I’m sick of hearing about the remake. Granted, I squeed over the tech demo as much as anybody, but that was what, 5 years ago? Granted, I throughly enjoyed Advent Children, and if SE announced an FFVII remake, I’d gobble it up like a diabetic in a chocolate factory, but at this point, I’ve got more than enough to play, and I’ll deal with that if and when it comes out.

  15. @DG That’s true, I’m staring out from behind a mountain of other games to play as it is. My backlog is getting more and more behind every week.

    @Jenifer I really enjoyed season one, too. E8 was painful. I sat through all of them because it was part of a review. If you want to enjoy the season, watch everything through the first episode of E8 and skip the next six, then watch the last episode of E8 and the last few of the season. You’ll save yourself a couple hours, a lot of headache and might still enjoy what’s going on. All you miss are different swimsuit designs and Itsuki saying “I love you” in English a bunch. I still want to see the movie eventually. Damn you Kyoto Animation.

    I find that IV is pretty underappreciated, at least among people I know. A lot of them don’t like it at all, but it’s actually my second favorite behind VI. VII does make the most sense financially for them to remake though. It sold a crapton on the PSN for just being a port.

  16. @DanChiSao: I agree – IV is one of the best in the series, and whilst an FFVII remake would be awesome, I think people have hyped it too much for Squeenix to be able to live up to what we all want. FFIV’s remake was somewhat unexpected, and I think it was quite awesome because of it, since we didn’t really have any preconceptions, or at least as many as we have for FFVII.
    On the Haruhi Topic, I watched the first season and really loved it, but I watched it in Itsuki’s order – where the last episode is the one in the rain? So now I get confused when people number them, since I don’t know if it’s in chronological order or not. But I agree – there are definitely episodes to skip, but don’t miss the detective episode(s?). One of the funniest anime plots.

  17. @Kenjujuu: I didn’t know there was an Itsuki order. I watched about three episodes in the broadcast order, got to the baseball game and was completely lost, then started over watching them in chronological order.

    And definitely agreed with both of you about the FFVII remake. If they do it, yay, but I’m not holding my breath for it. The remake of IV was great, though I’ve heard mixed things about the IV-2 they came out with. Opinions?

  18. @DanChiSao: I’ve actually been pretty good on backlogged games this year. Since Jan 1st, I’ve actually completed more games than I’ve bought AND I finished Xenosaga 2, which has been sitting in my backlog for nearly 1/2 a decade now. But there’s still so many to finish, and that’s not even mentioning the games I want to play but haven’t bought yet.

    @KJJ: Yeah, I think expectation management has been my highest priority in recent years in order to get the most enjoyment out of a game, especially with games in the FF series. FFVII was not just my first FF game, it was the first game I really played. I can honestly say my life would be much different if I hadn’t played that when I did. Unfortunately, that means any remake that does get made will have absolutely no chance of living up to the original in my mind. Oh well

  19. @DG I have two that I’m playing right now that I just bought. I’ve beaten all other games I’ve bought this year plus Dragon Age, but I’m not really making a dent in my backlog, and March is going to swamp me. I have 5 games preorderd just in March right now.

    Also, I agree that FFVII is so overhyped at this point, it pretty much can’t live up to expectations unless they spend years and years on the project, and that’s not happening.

    @Jenifer By FFIV-2 do you mean The After Years that’s on the Wii? If so, I haven’t beaten it yet, but I did enjoy the nostalgic elements of it. It seems a bit harder than the original FFIV, but not ridiculously hard. For some reason though, it just didn’t keep me playing all the way through. I do intend to get back to it at some point, probably this summer when there’s a bit more of a lull in new games.

  20. @DCS: Agreed, March is going to be crazy. I refuse to preorder anything but FFXIII, but I’ll probably end up buying at least a few games pretty quickly after they come out.