News: Bad Parenting is Everywhere

Phoenix Wright with Robot
Objecti--Wait WTF is that?!

I am the LOL Law!

This week was amazing in terms of video games, anime, and ridiculous legal action. Starting stateside, Rhode Island is the third in the United States of Overbearing Mommies to enter a bill into its legislature that would impose a strict fine and possible jail time on anyone found selling games to minors that the ESRB has rated Mature or Adults Only. California and Utah also attempted similar measures, though theirs were more to outright ban the sale of such evil games.  The Parents Television Council, who has also memorably stated that Spongebob Squarepants is evil because he is homosexual and teaches our children that queers are fun, supports the Rhode Island measure. Hopefully, just like its West Coast counterparts, this bill fails miserably. However, even if it does pass, it has nothing on the bill being passed by Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez. The mere importation of violent video games or merchandise is carrying the hefty penalty of 2,000-4,000 tax units and three to five years in prison. This apparently comes after Mercenaries 2 debuted in the country, much to the chagrin of government officials. And finally in the legal troubles of the world, the pedos of Japan have yet another reason for concern. The Tokyo Metropolitan Committee plans to deliberate next week on a proposal that would amend their child pornography laws to include visual depictions of characters who sound or appear to be under the age of eighteen. If the amendment passes the committee, it will go to assembly to be voted on at the end of month, and if it is approved there, the law could be in effect by October 2010. This would lump sexual depictions of nonexistant lolis in the same category as real life lolis, a point that several popular manga artists are quick to decry.

Little Girl Headshot
Clean-up needed in 3...2...1...

With Stories Like This, How is Oliver Still Alive?

We all know that the American South is not exactly a land of geniuses. Moonshine is their one great invention, and after that… well, there was moonshine. So when a three-year-old girl in Tennessee grabbed her stepfather’s loaded gun off the coffee table and accidentally shot herself with it, the tragedy was dismissed as the stupidity of redneck parents. However, the hicks aren’t content to let all the blame lie on themselves and instead are blaming the Nintendo Wii. Apparently, in the days before her death, little Cheyenne was playing a game with a pistol peripheral that was teaching her how to shoot. The device in question was not the standard neon colored one, but a black facsimile from China that could be easily confused with a real pistol. Most people, however, are raising the same question I am: three-year-olds put their hands on everything, regardless of playing a video game or not, so why would you leave a loaded gun on a table that she can reach? The Sheriff’s Department and Nintendo would not comment on the case.

Cower in fear of my rainbow balls!

You Cannot Kill Yourself With This Peripheral, Sorry

Following up on a story from a few weeks ago, Sony debuted their Wii competitor this week, and neither name originally reported is correct. Instead, they were inspired by the action done when using this remove and named it Move… creativity in action, ladies and gents. Like the Wii, the Move can have a subcontroller attachment, though the subcontroller will not have motion sensing ability, meaning any games involving two moving hands will require two Move controllers. The initial reviews on the Move are looking quite nice, and while lag is being reported, the assumption is that it is not the fault of the hardware, but of the games that are still in the development stages. Some are calling it a massive improvement over the Wiimote, while others are saying its simply a way for Sony to capitalize off their better graphics by snatching away Wii owners who long for HD. The tentative release date for the Move is Fall 2010, and it will be packaged with a Playstation Eye and a yet-unknown game.

Because hobos need video games and karate too!

But What If You Are Too Poor for Peripherals?

Then you are like me, lets go be poor together! And by go be poor together, I mean lets sign up for OnLive! This week, CEO Steve Perlman announced that OnLive will be making its debut at E3 2010 and will be released to the contiguous United States on June 17th, 2010. Similar to services like Netflix or GameTap, OnLive will charge a small monthly fee to allow users to stream video games directly to the PC or Mac using a browser plug-in. There are plans to release a television adapter later in the year, but an even bigger concern than resolution is the games themselves. A free three-month-trial will be offered to the first 25,000 to sign up, but with only twelve to twenty-five games to start, the true test of OnLive’s performance will be their ability to keep their library current.

"What, we're irrelevant already?!"

Ha, You Thought I Was Going to Leave Square Alone This Week!

Of course not, but happily, it is not on a FFVII remake or on FFXIII quality this week. Instead, both of those old antiques are being left in the dust in favor of their upcoming MMO, Final Fantasy XIV, or Fourteen for those of you that get all these FF Roman numerals confused. New information has been released about the game this week, including two massively reassuring pieces of info. First, for those of you that don’t have the latest and greatest computer, FFXIV will be able to be played on older computers, though before you and your copies of Windows 98 get all excited, keep in mind that the best versions will only run on high-end computers. Second, Square wants to make it so that you can still play with Final Fantasy XI players, a concern expressed when the rumor mill originally started grinding. Other information includes new abilities to restore HP or cast magic while moving, as well as party expansions of six to eight people in addition to alliances. If you are not concerned about character customization, as the beta won’t allow facial feature changes, you can still throw your name in the hat to be a possible beta tester. If you’re interested, you can apply here.


  1. It’s worth adding that if you purchased the PS3 version of Final Fantasy XIII, you get a registration card for online game registration.

    When you register FFXIII (PS3), you get a code for the PS3 Beta of Final Fantasy XIV.

    Now, if you ask me, that’s PRETTY FUCKING COOL. (But, I am a rabid FFXI fanboy, so perhaps I am slightly biased.)

  2. Speaking of XIV, lusi, you’ve probably already seen this but just in case FFXIVCore had an interview with the Battle Directer, O-something or other. I think the Q&A on the mage classes will be of particular interest to you.

  3. Final Fantasy XIV will either be a total success and my guild will mass-migrate from WoW (as we’re all getting a little miffed with the endgame) or it will be a total flop and that will make me sad. I’d like to see East Asia put out a really good PVE MMO.

    Also, as our resident lawyer, I feel confident in saying that a penal law for selling adult-rated video games to minors wouldn’t pass muster. We treat alcohol, tobacco, gambling devices and porn differently because those things have all been found to be injurious to society. But… assuming that someone could convince a legislator that violent or sexy games were injurious to society… it might help.

  4. FFXIV looks gorgeous for a MMO. I never though a MMO could look that good.

  5. How is porn injurious to society?! I thought it was the glue which holds everything together?

    -I’m kind of apprehensive about the Move, I don’t want the PS3 to become a toilet bowl like the Wii … and I don’t want to see Sony’s impressive internal studios re-purposed towards shovelware development.

  6. Porn certainly creates something white and sticky, but I don’t think its glue.

    – I wonder if the port of No More Heros will support the PSM.

  7. I’ve heard that it wasn’t designed to use it, but you never know whether they’ll patch it in at the last minute.