News: Not Quite April Fooling

Kuja Really Is A Man
Somehow, this is not female. What the fuck.

Not Afferentus, But Close Enough

In this week’s edition of ‘SquareEnix Being Douchebags,’ they averted the idea of an FFVII remake and the silly notion of new content by announcing that Final Fantasy IX will be the next title to see re-release on PSN. While it is not held in such a ridiculously high regard as VII, CEO Yoichi Wada stated in a Twitter video that Final Fantasy IX will be released soon, though the six-second video gives no indication to price or a release date. But what if you are a faithful Squeenix sheep that cares not about their old games? Then you will be pleased to know that the official website for Final Fantasy XIV has now added more information to their races…except not really. Like many other games, the races will be divided into the standard pairings of opposites; for example, the elven Elezen class with be divided into… come on, everyone here knows what you divide elves into. There are light elves and dark elves! Way to be creative, SquareEnix.

Japanese CatGirl
Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan.

More of My Predictions Coming True!

Not that I really want to be correct about any of the insane things Japan does. It was reported Monday that the Japanese government is working with the private sector to spread the influence of anime, manga, and music across the world. The project is costing the Japanese government a staggering ten billion yen now, but the hope is to increase the island nation’s foreign revenue from a measly one trillion yen per year to the ridiculous two-and-a-half trillion per year by 2020. In addition, they will also be offering tax breaks to foreign film industries, which has proven effective in cities like Chicago and Baltimore to bring in big money.

Cirno and Google
How does I interbutts?

We Heard You Like The Internet, So We Put Some Internet in Your Internet

So you can browse while you game, or so says Nintendo. In what may be the strangest crossover of all time, Nintendo has partnered up with Google to create the upcoming Wii game, And-Kensaku. So you are asking, what do you do in And-Kensaku? You search for things! Apparently the point of the game is to make the user guess what the ranking of certain search terms will be; for example, we can all guess that ‘sexy women’ would be a much more frequently search term that ‘sexy Lusipurr.’ …Ugh, my fingers feel dirty just typing those two words together. And I am not the only one who find the internet filthy, as apparently Microsoft agrees. Product management director Aaron Greenberg said this week that the XBox 360 would not be getting any kind of internet browser, stating that attempting to use the web on a television is just too cumbersome. So if you want to internet while you internet, either stick to your PS3 or your computer.

Puppy in Hand
I tried looking up a picture of Japanese school girls and found nothing but porn, so have a puppy instead!

Follow-Up Story

Last weekend, I wrote about a study done by an Indiana University professor about the effectiveness of replacing traditional grading systems with a video game inspired level system. This week, Julian Gough of Prospect Magazine in Britain, took it a step further by suggesting that we get rid of schools altogether in favor of video games. While this may sound crazy, one needs to look at the history of the current education system. It began in the 1700s, when beating a child for not doing his homework was acceptable. Now, teachers trying to give a child encouragement by giving them a hug will be sued into next week. So how did we learn before the institutionalization of public education? Through, you guessed it, playing. Through interacting with our environment, we learned how things worked, and how we could use them to our benefit and enjoyment, and if there was a potential danger to it, we take our collective learnings and figure out how to avoid it. Video games are no different; we learn that shooting at people gives us points and being shot at takes them away, so we do our best to shoot without being shot. The lesson learned here: either video games or shotguns in schools.

Falcon Punch
Coming Soon: Live Falcon Punch Experience!

Speaking of Shotgun Blasts…

The Sony Move is a snoozefest in comparison to what a student at the University of Pennsylvania came up with. Engineering student Saurabh Palan created what he calls the Tactile Gaming Vest, or TGV, which simulates the sensations felt by the character. Assigned to him as a class project, Palan was not able to completely finish his prototype in time for the Engineering school’s expo, but he was able to accomplish three things with his vest: gunshots, slashing, and blood flow. If the character on screen is shot with a gun or slashed by a zombie, the motors inside the vest will react to the stimulus, giving the user the sensation of being shot or slashed. The blood flow simulation was not as successful, but Palan clearly is on to something here. Would you buy a vest that lets you actually feel what your character does? And, pulling from the previous story, do you think feeling the gunshot would further motivate you to play better?


  1. ~ FF9 Re-release = The only game to look forward to from SE.

    ~ The more tentacle rape the better I say!

    ~ “stating that attempting to use the web on a television is just too cumbersome. ”

    Lol, really? Tell that to the millions of people that use tv’s as monitors.

    ~ I vote Shotguns, and if you had porn you should have posted it.

    ~ I don’t know if I want to be screaming on my floor while I’m playing a game. :/

  2. Good job, Biggs. I just googled “sexy Lusipurr” and this was a result. Now it’s fuckin’ official.

    I hate you. :(

  3. -*shiver* Kuja…

    -so now all the world can now the joy of watching moe characters not do a fuckin thing! I hate K-on.

    -combining nintendo and internet? isn’t that like dividing by zero?

    -see Oyashiro

    -I really don’t get this whole VR thing so many people are excited about and waiting for. I play games to get the hell away from reality not to copy it.

  4. breaka666 “I play games to get the hell away from reality not to copy it.”

    i really like this guy

  5. Love you too, Ginia! You brought that upon yourself, I never suggested that you should Google such an atrocity. Therefore, you created it, its all your fault!

    New Rule: Once it has been Googled, it is real. Like a far more retarded Rule 34.

  6. The rise of VR in gaming has been prophesied since 1993, and has yet to take off in any meaningful way. I’m more than a little sceptical about the prospects of slash vests and 3D glasses.

  7. Wow, you just completely brought things into perspective for me Oyashiro! :D

  8. you realize of course that she KILLS YOU at the end, don’t you, Oyashiro?

  9. @SN – I do believe she bites your head off yes.

    @Oyashiro – what the hell did we ever do to you that you felt the need to show us that.