News: How Was ‘Lady Gaga’ Not a Tag Yet?

Solid Snake versus Lady Gaga
Product Placement 101 with Old Snake and Lady Gaga! First lesson: abandon all shame.

Billy Mays Will Do The Commercials For Metal Gear Solid

Or he should, given all the other product placement given in the upcoming Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker game. To those that played MGS4, they may remember the Regain drinks, Assassin’s Creed, and the Apple iPod, but the new level of corporate whoring is simply staggering. Doritos, Axe, Mountain Dew, Monster Hunter, and Front Mission are all confirmed examples of product placement in the upcoming installment to the series, leaving many wondering when Hideo Kojima became Lady Gaga. His explanation was just as wacky, saying that the tie-ins were made to surprise the players. He stated that he’d stop doing it when it loses its freshness, but most fans assume that is code for when the products stop paying. But the ridiculous did not stop there, though that much is not surprising for Kojima. At the Peace Walker press event in Tokyo, the Metal Gear creator said that he has high hopes for gamer independence from consoles. While the president of Sony Computer Entertainment Japan was less than pleased about it, Kojima went on to say that “gamers should be able to take the experience … wherever they are and whenever they want to play. It should be the same software and same experience.” This was already somewhat accomplished on the PSP with the ability to upload old NES, SNES, and PSX ROMs, but presumably Kojima’s hopes are for one overarching gaming unit. So what do you think; would you and all of your friend have one universal system, or is variety the spice of life?

Failed Rapper Vanilla Ice
Lusipurr + Rap Music = WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!

You Don’t Play Around With The Funky Cold Medina

Guitar Hero was awesome when it first came out. Then Rock Band followed, and while some of the novelty had worn off, it was still fun. Then came the SingStar series, which made us all realize that karaoke is one of the many things we really should give back to Japan. Then DJ Hero came out, which flopped like a fat kid at a pool. Now, Konami is attempting to move to a different genre, one that hasn’t been touched with any success since PaRappa in 1996: rap music. While Lusipurr will clearly jump down my throat to yell that it isn’t music, the genre has been well established for about as long as his pasty white behind has been alive, and many in the gaming community feel it is time. It has been tried before and failed due to the overblown egos of rappers (I am looking at you, 50 Cent and T.I.) but Konami is hoping that they will be able to produce something better. However, the concern is something that anyone with any music education or basic listening skills will be quick to notice: the music used and even sometimes the lyrics are very repetitive in terms of tone, structure, color, and other components. This would lead to the player basically doing the same thing over and over and over for three to five minutes straight, and as a few pseudo-rap songs on Rock Band demonstrate (Beastie Boys, anyone?), the lyrics themselves don’t matter. Just ask this white girl that mumbled her way through the entire song and got a perfect score. Even so, I’m interested in seeing a hip-hop based music game hit the shelves, how about you? …Not you, Lusipurr, you sit in your corner and continue patiently waiting for Bach Band.

Sim Gym!
This is pathetic in real life, why the hell would anyone put their virtual avatar in the same situation?

Probably Not For Sadistic Bitches Like Ginia

If you are like our resident midget and enjoy playing the Sims, you will be pleased to know that you soon may have the ability to put actual people in a house with no toilets or beds so you can watch them collapse in their own fecal matter. The possibly-demented Will Wright is in talks to produce a show called ‘The Creation Project,’ where viewers would write original story with the StoryMaker Engine application, then vote on which storyline is the best. This storyline would then be used and broadcast as two half-hour episodes, possibly on Current TV. The project is still in the baby stage and could potentially undergo massive changes, but rumors are stating that it will be seen before the end of 2010.  Would you watch a live-action version of your Sims games?

Crazy Red Eyed Girl
Clearly she knows how the fuck babby was formed.

Prepare to Shit Yourself a Third Time!

For those that played the original F.E.A.R., you are much stronger than I. For those that played the second one, I really need to know how babby is formed. Hopefully one of you can answer that for me soon, because this fall will bring us another installment in the series. While the original developer, Monolith, is no longer in the picture, their replacements aren’t exactly new to the table either. Day One Studios, develop of MechAssault, will be taking the helm, with help from famed Halloween director John Carpenter and 30 Days of Night writer John Niles. And yes, Alma will be returning, so go buy some ectoplasm-resistant condoms.


  1. Also, as I drive to Chicago, my equally insane co-driver would like to point out that while articles are to be free of contractions (I accidently the I’m, and can’t edit from the phone), racism on the podcast is completely okay, along with sexism, religious blasphemy, and other general awfulness. But the apostrophe is forbidden.

  2. SURPRISE!!! An icy cold PEPSI never looses its FRESHNESS!!!

  3. I kinda like advertising when it is blatant like what they are doing in MGS:PW.

    Walking through the forest and find some floating Pepsi and a big bag of Doritos. Fuck YEAH!

  4. TECHNICALLY SingStar came out first. Technically.

    Also, Lusipurr just admitted to a woman in the middle of birthing a child.

  5. I do not know why Lusipurr fears the apostrophe; I use ’em all the time. Don’t be afraid, Lusipurr. You too can embrace th’shortness that ‘postrophes provide.

    Also, there is a difference between the true art form of hip hop, which was a new form of musical, lyrical poetry perfected by urban residents who were combining traditional forms of black music such as gospel and doowop with emerging trends in alternative music, such as electronica, disco and modern rock… and “rap” as it currently exists, which is a MTV-manufactured nightmare of pretend urbanity and gross commercialism.

  6. Well to be fair “Rap” isn’t really music, it’s barely even percussion …

  7. -I’ve got no problem with product placement. especially if it means I can where Dr Pepper camo and hide in plain sight in front of a soda machine.

    -when I see people who know the difference between rap and hip hop it gives me hope.

  8. More reasons why Lane is awesome, and Lusipurr and SiliconNooB are not.

    You need to listen to rap and hip-hop that is NOT broadcast on MTV or on the radio, its all garbage about big booty bitches with bling and bastard babies (alliteration, hurrah!). There are two paths that could work for either of you: 1) listen to some of the early stuff, 80s and early 90s or 2) download underground artists, the unknowns, the guys that have yet to get big.

    Case in point: Jay-Z. Everything he’s given us in the past few years have been pure shit, plain and simple. But before he got full of himself, before the fame and the fortune? He was amazing. He became famous based on how great of a rapper and lyricist he was previously. Now, he’s just famous because he’s Jay-Z, not because he’s making anything good.

  9. The only rapper to have ever accomplished anything of merit was Wesley Willis, everything else is just junk!