News: Not the Black Wii, But Close Enough

I could have put a picture of the pre-order hat... or I could put a picture of a penis on a chariot. Did you really think I would choose the former?

Return of the Penis Monster

Which penis monster? Its rather sad that there are so many that you need to ask. But the penis monster I am referring to is Mara, the chariot-riding cock from the Persona series. This week, a new pre-order bonus was announced for those looking to purchase the PSP version of the popular Persona 3 game, and it is… a hat. I have been told by Persona fans that this is fantastic news, I hope you enjoy your mediocre Junpei cosplay? For those Persona 3 fans wondering why they should waste the money buying a game they have already played on their PS2, many changes have been made to the PSP version, the biggest of which being the gender of the main protagonist. He was rather quite and effeminate before, so now they have decided to simply make him a woman instead. This does alter other aspects of the game as well, but with the addition of battle elements from Persona 4, new music, and your precious hat, it definitely seems worth picking up when it releases on July 6th for North American markets. But do not despair over the loss of your wimpy man character, because new information was released this week about Persona 5. The latest issue of Dengeki magazine has revealed that they are working on a new game, and the main character will be slightly introverted, with a slouch and hair covering one of his eyes. Seeing as the new game will also include Aegis, I think its safe for us all to assume that Atlus has stopped caring and begun following the Nodick-method of taking all your money. Except that part where I lied; sorry everyone, but it turns out the reports were based on a mistranslation of Dengeki and were talking about P3P, not P5. I accidentally the English. Thanks to Darth Gibblet for correcting my mistake.

3D Picture
This is not art, some irrelevant old fat moron said so.

Rejecting Your Reality and Substituting a Treadmill

The realm of virtual reality, despite being the biggest 90’s movie cliche ever, is still being developed today in 2010, and a team of developers has made a rather large leap in this field. One of the drawbacks of VR technology has always been the need to real-world space; for example, if you walk forward, the device on your head will show you walking through a field of flowers, but since you are already required to physically walk forward in space, why not just walk through real flowers? A team of German and Italian researchers have unleashed a new device upon the world, that is essentially a five-square-meter-long treadmill, that will adjust its speed and direction to the actions of the user, doing its best to keep the user in the center of the square. While it sounds quite simple (video can be viewed here), the ramifications for it are amazing. Just imagine, where you can put on a helmet and get on your omni-dimensional treadmill, and play a game of World of Warcraft or Modern Warfare simply by controlling the motions yourself. Of course, something this lofty is surely years away, but the development possibilities are far-reaching. In similar dimensional reality based news, we have a follow-up to our Featured story of last week’s podcast: Roger Ebert opened his half-of-a-mouth again! If you would like to read a stream of unadulterated bullshit about how 3D is, like video games, not art, then by all means, check our his Newsweek article here and feel free to discuss in the comments, I look forward to reading many quips about his lack of a face.

iPad Girl
Silly manga, iPads are not used for reading! Who reads anymore?

Make Your Own iDoujin (Tentacles Not Included)

If you are an aspiring mangaka, you better get your ass over to and hope you can read some moonspeak Japanese, because from now until June 6th, you can sign up to be a beta tester for an awesome new iPhone/iPad application. The application will allow manga artists to recreate their works as a e-book for the i-Devices, complete with page-turning, bookmarks, magnification, and rotation compatibility. For an example, the Maid no Tamago (The Maid’s Egg) manga is available for download now as an e-book in both Japanese and North American markets. A similar company, Tinami, also has a doujin application for the i-Devices. However, as reported in a previous news story, many manga companies, like Viz and Tokyo Pop, are doing their best to crack down on unauthorized reproductions of their materials, so the question arises: how long before has to start waging ban-hammer war against those who use their application to upload other companies’ manga?

There may or may not have been a loli battle machine in the trailer, it was too fast to tell.

Black Ops, Because Modern Warfare Was Whiter Than Lusipurr

Do you like being horribly, horribly confused and left with a vaguely unsatisfied feeling? Then go have sex with any of our staff members. Or, the slightly more enjoyable option, go watch the Call of Duty Black Ops trailer that was revealed late last night. While rather pretty and full of explosions, it confirms basically nothing about the actual game, except its location… though even that is a toss up between Vietnam, South America, or the swamps of Florida. The far more interesting location is the lab shown multiple times through the trailer, in which a doctor or maybe a mad scientist talks about bringing the memories back and how much it hurts before the viewer flat-lines. Kotaku and their magical screenshot capabilities bring an interesting aspect to this: the dates in the lab appear to say 2010. Unless this is like Jenova’s Made-in-1997 helmet easter egg, then the game is spanning at least forty years from Vietnam to present day. Does this mean we are going to see a CoD Old Snake?  The game is not yet available for pre-order, but its current release date is set for November 9th, because Bobby Nodick likes your holiday money.


  1. Perhaps they just decided to rip off Assassin’s Creed by having some one relive their genetic memories circa 2010 of the cold war?

  2. hehe, so it looks like the reason that description of the P5 protagonist sounds so much like the P3 one is there was a translation mixup or something, and they were just talking about P3P (not sure what happened, but all the sites that that mentioned it in google posted edits). Slightly disappointing, since I want more P5 news, but at least it’s not confirmation they’re just rehashing P3.

    Also, I would have preferred a OST and/or art book to a hat, but I much prefer a hat to nothing (even though I doubt I’ll ever wear it).

    @SN: they’re actually taking it a step farther. They’re having somebody relive their genetic memories of playing the same CoD game every year :F.

  3. @DG: Yay, Atlus isn’t just repeating themselves! Thanks for the update. And you’re right, it is a little odd that P3P will be getting new songs but doesn’t have the OST has the pre-order bonus.

  4. @DG- I guess this is what can happen when one news site writes a story and all the others copy it without seeking verification …

  5. @Jenifer: The worst part is I already have most of the soundtrack for P3P, but I still want it! I love the new opening scene song (at least I’m assuming that’s what it is). Soul Phase, I think? This one here:

    @SN: To be fair, it would have been hard to check the P5 story without a few levels in moonrune comprehension.

  6. There are plenty of people around with Moonspeak comprehension though, do game sites really have so few resources? …

    At any rate this *IS* what can happen when one news site writes a story and all the others copy it without seeking verification …

  7. @SN: As long as you never make the mistake of assuming that is a legitimate upstanding news site, you should be fine.

    @DG: I was never a fan of the Persona music….but that probably has more to do with the fact that I am awful at it and will spend hours in the same area, and J-Pop is not something that can be listened to for several hours without grating your teeth. I’m amazed my dentist hasn’t asked why they’ve been ground down to say ‘Atlus wuz here.’

  8. Depends on what you regard as legitimate, at least I don’t have to worry about your opinions being bought with advertising revenue …