Yo Dawg, We Herd U Like Gaming, So We…
Yep, we put some games in your game so you can game while you game. Yet again this week, the Dutch astound and confuse the rest of the world, with the release of Game Seeds, a game where you create a game. A student from the Utrecht School of the Arts in the Netherlands created the card game with the goal of the player eventually collecting all the cards they need to have a complete storyline, such as hero, side-kick, villain, and other standard game staples. If this sounds too complicated for you, you probably have the attention span of a gnat, and would therefore love 5-Minute MMORPG. That is not a description, that is the name, and it is exactly as it sounds. While intended to be a parody of the big name MMOs (read: WoW), the Flash game gives users the experience of creating a character, picking up items, and killing other players like a standard MMO. You even get to learn about the vibrant history of Fiveminudoria in little tidbits of lore!
With Great Games Comes Great Responsibility
If the rest of America, or the rest of the world for that matter, needed more proof that Florida should be torn from us and allowed to drown in the Atlantic, a high school in the southeastern state proved that its youth are morons. You would think that most people would recognize what a Game Boy is, and you know these text-fiend teens know what a cell phone is, but slap them together and add a few funny looking wires, and it is suddenly a bomb. Another student discovered the device and reported it, resulting in dismissal of the school, with several hypersensitive soccer moms keeping their retarded crotch-droppings home even the following day. Despite the presence of Siliconnoob, Australia has proven itself to be more worthy of praise in regards to criminals in the form of supernerd-superhero powers. International Free Comic Day, celebrated on the first Saturday of every May, brought many costumed characters to a business in Adelaide, including those who must have idolized one too many villains. A man attempted to steal a $160 X-Men Omnibus, but was taken down by none other than Spiderman. Some Jedi knights and the Flash also blocked the thief’s exit until the praised comic was extracted from the backpack, creating one hell of a scene for police when they arrived.
Japan: Insanity is Becoming Predictable
If you enjoy making history nerds rage, there is new material for you to show them and watch their heads explode. The jet-pack loli series Strike Witches, which focuses on real international aerial forces but in the form of adorable girls, released a new spin-off series titled Witches of the Sphinx, and while its release this Thursday is nothing of notice in Japan, many are interested in their decision to release it in English at the same time. Also released this week were two interesting announcements from Gainax, the company that has brought us not one, but TWO gigantic naked female world-ending entities. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they have announced their next series… about two scantily-clad angels named Panty and Stocking. No really. If you needed further proof that Gainax lost all semblance of sense, simply look to the GT300 race tracks, where they have premiered the Neon Genesis Evangelion race car. Its a Toyota Corolla. Race car… econobox… do not think about this too hard, just dismiss it as Japanese insanity.
The Influence of Nodick Continues to Spread
Like a plague, I tell you! The latest company that has decided to really enjoy your money are the good people at Valve. If you are a fan of the Left 4 Dead series, you can now bring the sounds of barfing into your own home! For the ridiculous low, low price of $49.99, you can have your very own plush Boomer, complete with action vomit sounds. Because I know what I have always wanted to cuddle before bed was a morbidly obese man covered in oozing sores. If you have more delicious fanboy money to throw at Valve, you can also have a model of their other fat man, The Heavy from Team Fortress 2. As someone that goes to anime conventions regularly and sees the price people pay for figures of girls in bikinis, I am used to laughing my arse off at the financial depravity… but the $230 they want for the Heavy figure is flabbergasting. And there is even a $245 exclusive version! So here is hoping you all have lots of money that you do not really want anymore.