News: PAX Explodes The Internet, Surprising Lack of Dickwolves

Kitten Boobs
Slightly more appropriate than anything I could post from the actual Duke Nukem game.

Testosterone Overload

If you live under a rock or have been infected with Lane’s insanity disease, you may not know that this year’s Penny Arcade Expo revealed to the public that after twelve long years of development and legal battles, Duke Nukem Forever lost its infamous status as perpetual vaporware to become an ACTUAL GAME. Actually, such mind-blowing news may be the reason why Lane lost his mind, as the raunchy all-American spirit displayed in the short playable demo screams of Texas values, blowjobs and all.  As it has been over a decade since the game was announced in April 1997, it is understandable that the internet has absolutely exploded with an orgasm of screenshots and as much technical data as anyone could fathom to squeeze from it. Vehicles were confirmed, weapons were confirmed, and within any reasonable standard you can expect misogyny and bubble gum. However, after this long of having no release date, it seems the developers were still not ready to give it one. So all that excitement that you have had pent up since you were a wee lad who was taught how to curse from this game? Keep it pent up, we do not want to clean up the overflow of disappointment if it happens again.

Zombie Scout
WTF is the Medic loading in those syringes?!

Zombies? Zombies! Zombies?

In a move stolen from only the best of cockblockers, Treyarch has declined to comment on (or in other sources, even gone so far as to deny) zombies in Call of Duty: Black Ops, yet at the same time, more and more new screenshots with heavily-deformed soldiers that look very undead keep popping up, leaving fans of the FPS scratching their heads. While those interested are confused but paying attention, the developer has released plenty of new screenshots from the game, as well as giving PAX attendees an open multi-player preview event, revealing the two new match modes, Gun Game and Wager Match. In single-player mode, an interesting aspect revealed was the lack of the overhead compass which has always guided players to their next objective, being described by Treyarch Community Manager Josh Olin as a system that did not suit the team emphasis of Black Ops. While single-player and multi-player modes impressed most attendees, there was another let down this weekend as a private interview with Activision Executive Producer Dan Suarez revealed that there will be no open beta for the much anticipated addition to the Call of Duty series. So those of you hoping to stab zombies while in the jungles of Vietnam will just have to wait until the full release of the game, currently slated for Novermber 9th.

Portal 2 Hug

Do I Have to Share the Cake?

Another highly anticipated game brought new developments this week from Penny Arcade Expo, Portal 2! Despite that Valve is still running on Valve time for their other games (TF2 item trading “this week” two weeks ago?), they were able to show the public a trailer highlighting the new multi-player co-operative mode. In combination with the trailers they released only recently at Gamescom showcasing the new gels and beams, Portal 2 is shaping up to be amazing. …I have nothing else to say about this and there is no other news, BUT I NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO SHOW ROBOTS HUGGING! Is that not the most adorable thing you have ever seen?! Mind = blown.


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