MAP Episode 83: Kotick Strikes Back

We will charge them fifteen dollars every time they look at an alt-text message. You will see the charge on your next credit card statement. Mwa ha ha ha ha!
''The industry rebellion has been foiled. The remaining developers will be hunted down and defeated. The attempt to curtail my profits has left me scarred and deformed, but I assure you, my resolve has never been stronger. In order to ensure security and continuing stability, the industry will be reorganised into the Global Activision Empire!''

Download Link: Produced 2010.09.19

Darth Lane uses the force to ensure that the panelists eagerly report on the Tokyo Game Show, show their love for Activision games, and profess their unswerving belief in the right-minded thinking of Emperor Kotick. All hail the GLOBAL ACTIVISION EMPIRE!


  1. I don’t know which I enjoyed more: your pronunciation of my name or your Japanese impression.

    Does the PSP version of FFT allow for install onto the memory stick? If so, does that fix the slowdown issues?

    Nao said that Disgaea 4 should come out next summer here in North America.

    Greg reviewed Cladun over at our site and gave it a…9/10, I think. (Not sure it’s officially published yet)

    You also forgot “Holy Invasion of Privacy, Badman: What Did I Do to Deserve This?” (now known as “What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord?”) in the NIS titles list.

    A few of my friends were playing Reach over the weekend, and every match they played on Live was populated by 12 year olds. It really is ridiculous.

    Valkyria Chronicles 3 will be love. I wish it was on PS3 (not surprised though), but I’m still happy it’s at least being made.

  2. @Dan: DanchiSAOW!

    It doesn’t officially allow for an install to the memory stick, but if one has hacked firmware and a legitimate copy of the game, there’s nothing to stop one copying the game to the memory stick. Having done this, I can affirm that it does not fix the slowdowns–they are not caused by loading, but rather by the upscaled, wide-angle view overtaxing the PSP.

    Glad to hear that Cladun: This Is an RPG! is being received well. I hope that NIS games continue to improve.

    I knew there was something else I was forgetting. Holy Invasion of Privacy, Badman!: What Did I Do to Deserve This? is one of my favourite titles ever. NIS is such a funny company!

    What!? 12-year-olds playing Halo on Xbox live? INCONCEIVEABLE!

    As for VC3, I won’t be buying it, much like VC2. I think VC1 was a beautiful work of art, and their attempts to recreate it in sequel form are just not working. Though, I certainly do think VC3 will be better than VC2.

  3. @Lusi: I don’t know that it overtaxes the PSP so much as it overtaxes Enixsoft’s programming competence.

  4. @SN: SE didn’t actually handle the programming aspects of the remake (TOSE did), so it can hardly be laid at their feet.

    But the technology issues with respect to upscaling and handling other aspects of the port are genuine. They could have done it without lag, but that would have meant no upscaling/wide-angle view.

  5. @Lusi It’s true that VC2 falls short of what it could have been on the PS3 artistically. However, it has one of the most enjoyable battle systems I’ve ever played, and I find it very hard to turn a game down based on its graphics. The move to a school setting in VC2 also weakens the game a little bit, but they get away from that and back to the war of VC1 in the third installment.

  6. SN was right. High-school dating sim. aptly summarises VC2 to my mind. I’m glad to see Sega taking the series back towards its roots, but I still think they have a way to go–a PS3 entry might be the ideal way.

    But we don’t live in an ideal world, so we must take what we can get, Emperor Kotick permitting.


  7. @DCS: One of the golden rules for XBL is to always play with friends and have voices only enabled in your party. Personally, I’m hardly even bothered any more by XBL’s army of 9-year-olds, but I totally understand those that are. Maybe I’ve just had great luck with XBL in the past or something and I only encounter them at a manageable level. In either case, I’m loving Reach :D

    @Lusi: Does VC2 really look that much worse than VC1 (not talking graphically, just in the story/character aspects). I honestly haven’t been paying much attention to it, figured it was one of those games I’d pick up eventually, possibly after it’s gone on sale. Crappier graphics I can definitely overlook, but it the story takes a hit, I’d be sad.

  8. Also, Trivia Night on TF2 is awesome, I don’t care how much Ginia picks on me :D

  9. @DG: If you’re talking VC2, then yes, it takes a hit both graphically and story-wise. In my opinion, you’d do well to avoid it, but others will disagree. Personally, I felt that VC1 was a brilliant, original work of art. VC2 seemed to take away from it, in some way.

  10. @SN: I read about that over at Bulbapedia. Very bizarre. Attacking the playerbase for its enthusiasm hardly seems to be the best way to drive work of mouth and ubiquity.

  11. I WOULD SEE THAT MOVIE 800 TIMES AND BUY EVERY POKEMON GAME EVER FOR IT. How did they do those animations? For a fan-made video, it’s amazing! Although Pikachu has hands like a frog.

  12. Isn’t it amazing?

    I read an interview with the people who made it. They are professional actors and were working on another project, and decided to try out a PKMN trailer–you know what, I’ll just link you to it! It’s worth reading, and very interesting.

    That trailer ‘brings a tear to me eye’. It may be the most amazing thing ever created by the hand of dedicated fans, and if it is not a demonstration of something that should–nay, deserves–to be made, then there is nothing worthwhile under the sun.

    My ticket money is here. Claim it, ladies and gentlemen. I suspect that if you wanted to crowd-source your funding, you’d have no problem whatsoever. A million pokemon fans would queue up for it, and at $10 each, that’s plenty of money to make a feature-length presentation with the resources you already have.

    Nintendo will try to squash you, but there are ways around it. Change your jurisdiction to Zimbabwe or Sealand, and you’ll be safe from the long arm of the creativity-destroying copyright system.

  13. Seriously, these guys should just quit whatever they’re doing right now and make this. I would pay for me and 100 of my friends to go see it. It will be a million times better than the RUBBISH the Pokemon Company put out at the minute. “Arceus and the legend of the glowing red crystal that’s no different from the eight other magical Deux Ex Machinas we’ve seen!” Their cinematics team must be an extension of the Kotick Empire (which, btw, I would happily draw a comic for.)

  14. That picture just MADE MY DAY.
    The convention’s on Saturday, so once that’s done, I’ll be free to draw whatever you guys tell me is happening in the world of Emperor Kotick.

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