News: Lack of News, Lack of Sanity

 

Flandre Killed Santa
The smell of Christmas! :D

 

If You Still Thought Kojima Was Sane…

Then I have just the thing you need to understand that the famed creator of Metal Gear Solid is completely bonkers. Back in 1988, Kojima was working on a computer game for Konami, a text-based murder mystery game by the name of The Snatcher. In a recent Tweet, the lunatic revealed that players were deprived of what he felt was a very integral part of the game’s development: the smell of blood. Hideo wanted each of the floppy disks (remember, this is 1988) to be coated in a special paint, such that when the disks were inserted into the computer and heated up by playing, the paint would heat up and release the pungent aroma of blood. That’s right, Kojima’s grand plans involve making players sick to the their stomachs! Luckily, those at Konami without mental problems opted to omit this feature, releasing the game as standard floppy disks, then later versions on CD-ROM. Given the many other games created by Kojima, we should be extremely thankful that smell-o-gaming never caught on, though as developers strive to create more and more immersive games, we may not have much time left.

 

Evangelion Explosion
XBox Overheating: #1 Cause of Eye Injury

 

While We Are Discussing Blood…

Have you injured yourself today? No no, we are not talking to you Oliver, we know you have been listening to your emo music and faithfully cutting your wrists every day. I meant the rest of our faithful video game loving Lusi-sprites. There is apparently an National Electronic Injury Surveillance System based out of the Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia, and over the course of five years, they found that we gamers are a clumsy bunch. Nearly seven-hundred gaming-related injuries were reported between January 2004 and January 2009, with the waggle trend of the Wii causing only seventy-six of those injuries. The majority of those injuries involved sprains and strains of the shoulder, ankle or foot. But you are not safe just because you avoid games that involve you moving around. All sixty-five reported seizures were caused by traditional gaming, as well as all but one of the many neck injuries. Many of the other injuries associated with traditional gaming involve the eyes, such as pain or strain, and the face. So to the many cheerleaders that argue “this really is a sport, we hurt ourselves just as much as the other sports,” then perhaps video gaming should be an Olympic competition as well.

 

Train Groping
You know you would do the same thing.

 


Damn Irresistable Schoolgirls!

While it is not reported if she were a cute cheerleader or not, a Japanese schoolgirl was groped this week. That is not typically news, it happens every day in Japan, but how often does it happen by a Microsoft employee? Shingo Mihara, a forty-year-old employee of our beloved evil corporation, was on a train to Osaka when his hand made contact with the blouse of a sixteen-year-old girl. In a classic he said-she said argument, he pleaded that “I might have come in contact with her body, but I did not touch her breasts,” while the girl argued that he put his hand inside an opening of her shirt. What is truly unfortunate for Mihara is that it could have been avoided had his accuser been on one of Osaka’s new line of public transportation that caters to women only specifically to avoid such questionable contact.

 

Google Pipboy
Because you will still need porn in a nuclear wasteland.

 

Too Many Military Games? Too Much Gaming in the Military

While the civilians of the gaming public are exposed to Medal of Honor, Call of Duty, Brothers in Arms, and countless other games depicting the hardships of war, the U.S. Army is too busy trying to make the fantasy aspects of gaming into real life. In Fallout 3, the player strolls about a desolate wasteland of Washington D.C. with a device attached to their arm that tells them everything, from radar of enemy locations to their inventory to how irradiated they are. L-3 Display Systems created eight units very similar to this for the US Army using phosphorescent organic light emitting diodes (PHOLED) on a 4.3″ full-color, full-motion screen, and during its display at the C4ISR testing in Fort Dix, it recieved much praise from senior military officials in charge of research and development. As with many military developments and secrets, not much is known about it and there are no answers to the obvious questions, like how it is powered, how long it lasts, and most importantly, how you operate it. From everything the public is allowed to see right now, it will be used by the military not for purposes like the PipBoy, but for looking at pictures of butterflies.

 

3DS Panties
Is it worth $300?

 

 

One Last Heartbreaking Bit of Lunacy

Oh Nintendo, you know how to be so sincere and honest with us. Too bad we do not want it! Just when you thought the Nintendo 3DS was going to be the most awesome thing since Nate Liles, company president Satoru Iwata shares with us all the various drawbacks of the system. First, something you could consider either a good thing or a bad thing, the 3DS joins the consoles in its need for periodic firmware updates. While he admits that this is in part to combat piracy, he hides it by saying that it will also be used to implement new features, as well as possibly having firmware updates integrated into the software ROMs. He also says these upgrades will be able to be done automatically, but that raises another question of the handheld: what about its battery? Say it is not so, but Iwata also admits that the battery life of the 3DS will be much shorter than that of standard DS systems and will need to be charged more frequently. Of course, they could give it a better battery with more life, but that would have been cost prohibitive and unwise. So this must mean that, even if you have to charge it more often, the 3DS will be cheap, right? Well that’s where all hope is lost. With a price tag of 25,000 yen, or approximately three-hundred US dollars, the Nintendo 3DS is going to be the most expensive handheld Nintendo has ever made. It is safe to say that, while it will still definitely be a day-one purchase for many, all of these factors are not helping boost sales, so much so that even Nintendo accepts it. Their original projected 2010 earnings were 200 billion yen, but they have taken a conservative step back and estimated they will only make 90 billion, based mostly on the “decided release conditions” of the 3DS. This can be assumed to mean the loss of Christmas sales, as the current projected release date for the system is February 26th, 2011 in Japan.

3 comments

  1. There’s no better way to come onto a woman than groping her in her sleep, I always say.

  2. What’s that? Kudo Tsunoda raped a schoolgirl? I KNEW IT!

Comments are closed.