Editorial: Leadership Challenge; Yoichi Wada VS the Australian Prime Minister

There is a pervasive line of thought among those who care to think it, that those capable of earning earn, while those who never made it onto the board turn to a career in politics instead. INDUSTRY giants like Bill Gates and Rupert Murdoch stride the world stage, riding high on the tides of human endeavour, while our elected officials pfaff about with the economy, harm our investments and create new bureaucracies to gift us with additional paperwork and procedure. It is only when these bright lights of INDUSTRY and PROGRESS have nothing left to prove that their attention inevitably turns to the world of politics and considering how they might go about undoing some of the banal atrocities visited upon us by career politicians. And so it falls to us today to consider how Yoichi Wada might perform as Australian Prime Minister once he retires from steering the tight ship Square Enix. Surely the man has achieved all that he set out to do, and apparently no post is easier to attain than that of Australian Prime Minister, so it is only to be expected that this rotating dunce hat of specialness will one day rest on his imperious shoulders. So join me now NATE’s dearest doves, as we use the most objective of methodology to consider whether Yoichi Wada is competent enough to govern Australia.

Leadership Style:

Leadership style is an integral component to any enterprise, as the executive’s drive and ambition is able to impress upon the organization a narrative of sorts, conveying a sense of who they are, where they are going and what qualities they stand for. Yoichi Wada could best be described as risk averse, he is highly prone to focus testing in lieu of creative decision making, which is why the current Square Enix line-up resembles nothing so much as the gaming equivalent of insipid sludge. Julia Gillard is averse to risk, her initiatives resemble nothing so much as the policy equivalent of insipid sludge, owing towards her proclivity towards focus testing.

Verdict: Draw

Presentability:

Actually, this isn't a bundle of cocks ...

In any successful enterprise presentation is king, as the impressions that your leadership team are able to instil in their professional sphere can directly effect your perceived stature in the eyes of would-be partners, and their confidence in engaging you in any mutually beneficial undertaking. Like every Australian Julia Gillard is possessed of a robust and lustrous moustache along with all the power and dignity that confers, Yoichi Wada by comparison is appallingly BARREN. Moreover, while Julia Gillard is decidedly low-born, she has nevertheless engaged the services of a voice coach in an effort to sound less like a wretched commoner, meanwhile Wada is perfectly content to continue speaking gibberish, completely indifferent to the proper locution of the Queen’s English.

Verdict: Advantage Gillard

Background:

A person’s background can make or break their success as a human being, and we all know that the lesser races are nothing but trouble. Inherent attributes shape who we are as people, the professions we are able to perform and the value we offer to society. Let us not guild the lilly here, Yoichi Wada is a JAPANESE DEVIL, shamefully so. In most instances this fact alone would be most debilitating to his prospects, but not in this instance, not considering the competition. Julia Gillard is a WELSH, GINGER FEMALE Prime Minister.

Verdict: Advantage Plus Wada

Accidental Attrition:

Final Fantasy XIII’s programming kills consoles, Gillard Government programs kill people. Scores of people have committed their vocal plaints to the interwebs regaling us with tales of Motomu Toriyama’s epic disaster combusting their PS3s, scores more however castigated the Gillard Government’s lack of bureaucratic regulation over their home insulation program for killing a number of people. A number of morons to be precise, unskilled, unqualified tradesmen seized on the government program as a way to make a fast buck, and found themselves stapled to electrical conduits in Australian roofspace for their effort. FFXIII on the other hand bricked consoles.

Verdict: Advantage Gillard

Charitable good deeds:

Organizational structures are essentially soulless entities bent on attaining ever more power for themselves, which is why it is all important that their leadership is seen to engage in acts of charitable kindness, so as to erect a facade over the yawning chasm of black despair that is their moral footprint. The Gillard Government generously bequeathed to their subjects murderous subsidised insulation bats, paid for in their entirety by the Australian tax payer. GENEROSITY! By contrast Square Enix under the kindly guidance of Yoichi Wada set about making a free MMO. Final Fantasy XIV is free to play in the truest sense of the word, Square Enix have not set out to gouge their players with micro-transactions, the only people making money are the gold farmers.

Verdict: Advantage Wada

Ambition:

Final Fantasy XIV: Only the gold farmers make money!

It is the hallmark of any good leader that they must be willing to take on the world to further the interests of their stakeholders. Moreover they must continue expanding their holdings by magnitudes so that the competition knows that they mean business. Yoichi Wada as head of Square Enix has taken to expansion as only the Japanese know how, pillaging every company from Taito to Eidos, and even bringing Call of Duty to Japan. Julia Gillard by contrast has made no territorial gains for Australia.

Verdict: Advantage Wada

Productivity:

In terms of leadership there are few things more important than productivity. A good understanding of employees can see competent management maximise human resources and boost output several times over. Cloistered away in the corridors of power, the Gillard government has experienced a decline in productivity over all areas save for the growing pile of abandoned policies in Julia Gillard’s out tray. In stark contrast to this Yoichi Wada has quadrupled the number of Square Enix releases over the course of a decade, once again proving himself to be a man of INDUSTRY!

Verdict: Advantage Wada

The Fosters test:

Australians are an affable lot, as many of societies injustices are frequently forgiven ‘neath the sway of the omnipresent amber haze. When mother’s milk is legally required to contain 3/4 tepid ale, and the mediocre suds of Fosters flow freely from every tap, you will find a people apt to forgive most anything within reason. I can get drunk and forget about the shitty job that Julia Gillard is doing governing our country, I cannot get drunk and forget about Yoichi Wada destroying the Final Fantasy series, and the legacy of Squaresoft in general.

Verdict: Advantage Gillard

Conclusion:

The evidence is clear, not only is Yoichi Wada competent enough to head the Australian Government, but he is likely to perform much better in the job than our current Prime Minister Julia Gillard. Now, I hear what you are all saying; this empirical analysis does little to answer the burning question of Obama VS Donkey Kong, and to that I say furnish me with your reckons in the comment box below.

4 comments

  1. We require proof of SN’s glorious Australistache! Otherwise now do we know he’s who he says he is? He might not even BE Australian!

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