Editorial: Everything sucks, and no I am not bitter at all

You and me both, Ryan :(
On this day, as we mourn the loss of the World Junior Hockey gold medal to Russia (goddamn Commies!), I invite the Lusipurr.com community to observe a minute of silence to mark this tragic event. I understand that the pain of conceeding 5 goals in a single period to lose a 3 goal advantage is a sharp, bitter pain that can only fade in time. However we must all be strong, and remember that we are all in this together. Perhaps by sharing our shared pain and anguish we can find some healing. And what better way to do that than to talk about games that sucked? Games that sucked worse than Canada’s defending. Sucked more than my failed assassination attempt on Lusipurr last week which only resulted in some diarrhea. I was going to try for a list of the worst crap of 2010 but alas, I avoided most of the big stinkers.

I really only have two games to gripe about: FInal Fantasy XIII and Fable III. I believe that we have beaten the dead horse of FFXIII into the ground, and I did not actually pay for Fable III so I sort of feel as if I do not really need to spell out the ways in which these games stank. However writing this post is distracting me from my misery, so I shall carry on!

The more that I think about, these two games, while markedly different from each other in many ways, have at least one thing in common, which contributed to their mutual suck: menus. I do not want to live in a menu. I repeat: I do not want to live in a menu. I dislike spending half of my life in Fable in the Sanctuary, running from menu room to menu room, moving from map to map or shelf to shelf or whatever gimmick the developers used to try to disguise the big honkin’ menu I am in. I also utterly despise sitting in the menu, reading about the world, the characters and the plot as I did in FFXIII. One of the key rules to filmmaking also applies to video games: do not tell me, show me. Let me experience it, let me find out organically through the story, let the characters tell me, do something other than force me to read an in-game wiki.

Feel free to vent, whether you be a hockey fan, cricket fan (Can we rename Australia to lolstralia?) or video game fan.


  1. “Can we rename Australia to lolstralia?”

    Sure, provided you don’t mind Saxton Hale kicking in your front door, ransacking your potatoes, and then shutting down your Virginia Monologues. PERMANENTLY!

    Nice SUBSTANTIAL post, BTW. ;)

  2. Virginia Monologues! Wa hahaha.

    SAXTON HALE is a man amongst other, much lesser, men.

    Canada can field no equal. But really, who can?