News: Bigotry? Laziness? Depression?!

Obama Street Fighter

Little Bigot Planet

With the release of Little Big Planet 2 this week, you could expect that developer MediaMolecule put on their bikinis and dove head first a la Scrooge McDuck into their enormous piles of freshly acquired cash money. That probably is not a bad assumption to make; the game has quickly risen to the top of the sales charts and while the actual sales figures for the game have not yet been released, MediaMolecule has said that the game has already far surpassed the record number of users online for concurrently set in the first Little Big Planet. With even more customization than the original phenomenal game, users can expect a plethora of fantastic user-generated levels to be made over the coming weeks… or not. Already, an unusual, disturbing, but laughable trend has shown up in the database: anti-Barack Obama levels. With such poetic and well-thought names as “heart if u hate obama” and “arrest obama for life,” the United States President has done something, we are not sure what, to enrage Sackboys everywhere.

Sad Cake
At least you can cry into your titties at night.

Explaining Oliver Motok (The Emo Part, Not the Gay Part)

So you are a lonely shut-in loser who does nothing but play video games from the comfort of your mother’s basement. Ever stop to consider why you are such a stupid sack of crap? Here as, we are more than happy to provide you with more reasons to feel like a worthless tool, but at Michigan State University, they will actually explain it to you. In a study following almost 500 twelve-year-olds for three years, researchers asked the children and their parents to track their internet, cell phone, and video game use. Taking this data and comparing it to the physical health, mental health, and academics of the children, they were able to find some interesting correlations. Addressing the positive findings first, they found that the amount of time spent online has significantly less correlation with obesity than other factors such as race and socioeconomic status. They also found the children who spent more time online tended to have better scores on reading tests, while those who played more video games had better visual-spatial skills. So congratulations, you are decently coordinated, literate, and vaguely healthy. But the research found some downsides as well. Children who played more video games were found to have lower grade point averages than the other students, as well as a lower sense of self-esteem. The reasoning behind this lack of confidence lies with the nature of many video games being seen as a solitary activity where the child does not receive the normal social stimulation that they would otherwise use to garner a positive self-image. Overall, they conclude that there is definitely potential for technology to enhance the lives of our nation’s youth, but it will require their parents continuing to play an active role in getting the child the social and academic stimulation away from the keyboard or controller.

Goldfish Earrings
I search Google for an anthropomorphised Move loli and I got this. Enjoy.

Why Hardcore Gamers Will Love…the Move?

I know what you are thinking, or at least what Lusipurr is thinking. “The spare tits continues to find news validating waggle BS?!” Believe me readers, I am just as baffled as you are by Sony’s proclamation that they can win the hearts of gamers with their glowing dildo, but you have to follow along. As loathe as our website full of JRPG nerds may be to admit it, the majority of popular titles on today’s market involving shooting people’s faces, and this is where Sony makes their distinction. While the Kinect absolutely crushed sales of the Move (the Move sold four million units in two months, the Kinect sold eight million in three months), the very nature of how the Kinect works will doom it to a brief life of gimmicky fun before petering out. Sony logic is that developing a first person shooter for the Kinect will not be possible, giving them and their glowing dildo the advantage, as they have already proven with their light gun attachments and use in Time Crisis: Razing Storm and The Shoot. Highly anticipated upcoming titles Killzone 3 and SOCOM 4 have also been announced as Move compatible, with rumors that the sequel to the hit inFamous might also be Move compatible. In conjunction with 3-D TVs, Sony has a lot of high expectations for the Move to be able to claim the title as the winner of the waggle war. So I ask you, our wonderful readers, Kinect or Move? Or suicide, that should probably be an option too.


  1. What would an anti-Obama level entail? You spend some time running through the wilds of Alaska, shooting (and missing) at tame, drugged animals, followed by a romp through a corn field in Iowa where you get more points the more times you mention Jesus, and finishing it up with a battle in D.C. where you’re helped out by oomaloompas with giant, oversized gavels and fingers stained orange-brown by tanning and nicotine, not to mention those friendly ghosts*?

    *Hint: they’re not ghosts.

    I’m also not sure 12-year-olds are the best demographic. Everyone is upset at 12. It’s an upsetting age. You’re no longer a kid, but you’re not really old enough to do shit either. Check back at 15-16 to see how those kids are doing. I spent a lot of time reading and being pissed off at people when I was 12, but when I turned 16, it was awesome because now I could drive myself to parties, get embarrassingly drunk on cheap malt liquor, and have awkward sex with girls. I was much happier, although I still played lots of games and spent the vast majority of my free time on the computer.

  2. Am I the only one who thinks that Lane’s LBP level design would be amazing if put into effect?

  3. Are we even sure that these levels were created by children? I assumed that was the case because they were so crude and childish (deliciously so), but upon reflection there are probably legions of adults who are capable of no better.

  4. SN, you’re missing out, because your country has what we call a “real political spectrum” where “left” and “right” and “center” are meaningful terms. Here in the US, we have “hyperconservative and ignorant,” “moderately conservative, wealthy and well-educated,” “centrist, somewhat-educated liberal,” “egghead leftist,” and “crazy pants-on-fire quasilibertarian.”

    The first don’t have regular electricity, and can’t play games. The second don’t play games because they’re out at their New England mansions playing croquet or something. The third are too busy getting baked and playing Halo with the bros. The fourth find Little Big Planet trite and annoying. The last are the ones who design the “HEART IF YOU HATE OBAMUH!” levels, while masturbating to Sarah Palin steampunk comics (it exists; google it).

  5. Australian politics don’t really have any extra depth than do American politics, we just get a little less crazy.

  6. Dammit Lane, your suggestion to Google it made me fear for my life. Seriously, I’m terrified this woman is going to come kill me while I sleep.

  7. That last picture reminds me of the guy I saw in Ueno Park during cherry blossom season a few years ago.

    @Jenifer You betcha she will!