News: Holographic Pokemon Shower Scenes

FF13 Afro Robot
"Is Lightning truly confused?"

Square Provides More Details, More Misery

All of our wonderful readers were clearly overjoyed at the announcement that there will be a Final Fantasy XIII-2. Overjoyed may be a bit of a stretch, its hard to tell if you were laughing with Square or at them, but Motomu Toriyama is certain you were with him. In a recent interview with Famitsu, the director is XIII stated that many fans expressed a desire to see that the game got a sequel, as well as answer to the question: is Lightning truly happy? There will be a new set of characters this time around, and unlike the goofy attempted plot in Final Fantasy X-2, the sequel to XIII will take a more serious direction. Cocoon is in a broken state, and the game is said to have a darker, more mysterious feel to it. Interestingly enough, he also stated they are looking into integrating the save files that players still have from their XIII games, but gives no details into what this could mean.

Moogle Watches You Clean
Final Fantasy IX-2! With even more homoeroticism!

If Square decides to integrate what they have learned from their other games, then you can expect Final Fantasy XIII-2 to include a shower scene…and a counter. Just as Parasite Eve 2 had a shower scene, The 3rd Birthday does as well, in addition to the ability to send data to Squeenix telling them how many people have watched it. In the month since its Japanese release, the shower scene has been watched over 80,000 times, and that’s just on the PSP. When the video was uploaded to YouTube, the video had well over 100,000 hits. And SquareEnix knows all about it. Enjoy attempting to masturbate ever again without thinking of Lightning glaring disapprovingly at you.

Hologram Phone
'Video Phone' was a terrible song.

Holographic Shower Scenes? Do Want!

Looking to send out an S.O.S. to an old retired Jedi? Then fire up your Kinect! In the latest modification to the popular Microsoft peripheral, the inventive researchers at MIT tweaked the device to be able to create three-inch tall holographic images. The camera focuses on the light on a moving object and sends the information to three different graphics processing units that compute how the light waves are being refracted and duplicates them. Unlike the holograms of science fiction, the image is only one-dimensional as there is only one camera, unlike a device made in Arizona several years ago that used sixteen cameras to be able to create a multi-dimensional image. However, the advantage of the Kinect holograms is speed, reaching up to fifteen frames per second, which may not seem like much, but their comparative goal is only twenty-four to thirty frames per second. This speed does come at the sacrifice that the object being recorded appears less like a person and more like a vague red blob, but the accuracy is not as important as the development itself. They are currently working on the ability to improve the clarity of the image as well as the size, catching up to the slow but high-resolution seventeen-inch display in Arizona will require a lot of effort. Regardless, it is not a bad development for a waggle cam.

Porygon Girl
PokePorn not included.

Let Me Show You My Pokemans On The Intertubes

As the avid Pokemon fans of will know, the phrase “let me show you my Pokemans” is followed by two or more people all trying to angle themselves at a tiny screen over the user’s shoulder, a cramped and uncomfortable situation. But no more! With the release of Pokemon Black and White, the website Pokemon Global Link will launch as well, allowing players to sync their save files to their online profile and networking with fellow trainers. In addition to showing an online battle ranking, players will be able to play a series of mini-games on the site to earn other collectables, one of these games featuring the dreams of their party Pokemon. Top players might even be invited to the Pokemon World Championship in San Diego, California in August. If you needed yet another reminder, Pokemon Black and White has been out in Japan since September, but with be coming to European, North American, and Australian shores on March 4th, 6th, and 10th respectively.


  1. Final Fantasy XIII-2: The answer to a question nobody asked!

  2. I love that SE succeeded in making that phrase literal!!

  3. I’ll be getting XIII-2. Lusipurr and I seem to be two of the very few people who could enjoy FFXIII for what it was without being SE fanboys about it.

    “Enjoy attempting to masturbate ever again without thinking of Lightning glaring disapprovingly at you.” That just adds fuel to the fire, Biggs.

    I love seeing all the Kinect hacks that people come up with. While it doesn’t hold much value as a gaming tool, it does give all the engineering nerds something to do.

    Now if they could only make a decent way for us to transfer all our pokeymans from HG/SS and D/P to Black/White…

  4. @Dan: I’m *really* not looking forward to transferring my pokemon to B/W. Gonna take FOREVER.

    That picture of Kuja and Zidane should be tattooed on Ethan Pipher’s face.

  5. We can tattoo shit on people’s faces? Like warnings and shit?

    Oh, get me my tattoo gun, Lus. We’ve got work to do.