News: Yo Homes, To Bel-Air!

Woll Smoth
Well, I have secured my place in Hell today, what have you done?

Brought to You By…

Now this is a story all about how a young man’s life got flipped, turned upside down. In west Philadelphia born and raised, behind a PlayStation was how he spent most of his days, chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool, and all shooting some noobs in a duel. When a couple of guys, they were up to no good, started making trouble in his guild. Got in one little fight and his mom got scared and said “God dammit Biggs, write like an intelligent journalist before I get the mace.”

Ahem. After getting in one little fight, instead of being banished to California, sixteen-year-old Kendall Anderson had his PlayStation taken away from him. The teen got into an argument with his mother the day following Thanksgiving, and after spending three hours deliberating, the boy bludgeoned his mother to death. “I couldn’t stand the arguing,” his statement to police read, going on to describe his attempts to cremate the body in the oven, then disposing of the body with some other debris in an alley behind their home. Despite what seems like such a horrific act, the boy does show remorse for his actions, saying “if I could, I would not do it again. I really miss my mom. … She was the only person who cared for me.”

No word on whether or not the police car that took him away had dice in the mirror.

Gabe Newell Boomer
He's the best boss ever! Except for the vomitting...

Video Games Continued Effect on the Family

Gabe Newell may not be concerned about your rare cab, he is worried about your auntie and your uncle. Not necessarily because he worries you will bludgeon them, but because if you are an employee of Valve, he understands that being a slave driver can put strain on family relationships. In a conference call with Tippecanoe Valley High School, Jabba detailed some of the excellent working conditions at Valve. For instance, they push for employees to not work weekends and even pushed for those that do work weekends to ease up. He also said that in order to connect with his employees, he takes them and their families on a trip every year.

“I think the people who work here are having a good time in terms of enjoying their work and not being too stressed out. … One thing I’m worried about is the amount of stress that we put on some of the families. When you’re running a business for the long-run, sooner or later that’s gonna bite you. You can’t ruin people’s home lives in order to benefit your business or it blows up in the long run.”

Newell’s generosity towards his employees is uncommon in the industry, with complaints being raised by employees and their families on multiple occasions. In January 2010, wives of Rockstar San Diego developers complained that their husbands were constantly being told to work “harder, longer, faster,” presumably pissed because the company had taken the words right out of their mouths. And last month, developer Kaos Studios rather unapologetically admitted that their employees were routinely subjected to working ten-hour days since the middle of 2010.

On a lighter note, during the same conference call, Newell did confirm that the much-delayed Portal 2 is finally finished and will be out in April. Their next game they will be working on is Dota 2, also said to have a release date of later this year. However, since we know he will not be whip cracking, you can expect that Valve time will come into play between now and then.

Dispenser Goes Where?
She erected something alright.

MOAR Valve News!

This is admittedly a small story, barely even enough to be called a story, but something that will be of great interest to our Team Fortress 2 loving readers. Or maybe it will only interest myself and Ginia, as we are the only players on the Lusipurr.com server with tits. But now, you too can have tits! Mod maker Shaylyn “ChemicalAlia” Hamm has released her newest gender-switch mod, this time making the Spy a smoking hot diva. She has already made gender-switching modifications to the Medic and the Heavy, complete with more lady-like voice clips.All are available for download from TF2mods.net or Game Banana. Kotaku raises the question we all knew was coming: what will be done for a Pyro mod?

Mona Lisa Bastardization
Dead or Alive Mona Lisa Volleyball!

REAL ORGANIC GRADE-A NEWS!

I can be a real journalist sometimes with the words and the pictures and the things, really I can, stop laughing. Or you can keep laughing, as the joke is on you knuckleheads. I live close enough to Washington D.C. that it will be very easy for me to travel to the Smithsonian in March of 2012 when they open their first Art of Video Games exhibit. In fact, they have currently issued a public invite for gamers to assist in the development of the project. Their goal in the development of the exhibit is to chronicle the “40-year evolution of video games as an artistic medium, with a focus on striking visual effects and the creative use of new technologies.” Even if you do not share my geographical advantages, you can contribute to the project as well by visiting artofvideogames.org, where they will be letting the gaming public vote on which titles they feel deserve to be pat of the exhibit. Just keep it a secret from 4chan, we do not need an entire exhibit on the merits of Battletoads.

0 comments

  1. I love what you did with that first story, and that picture is legendary!

  2. Also, employee morale is a dirty lie, and I’ll defy anyone who tells me differently!