MAP Episode 110: Harder Better FASTER Stronger

Ten-Gallon Hat, Cowboy Boots, and Bolo Tie NOT included.
The Personal Cooking Surface of Lane Haygrill, Esq.

Download Link: Produced 2011.04.03

Ever searching for ways of cramming more content into less space, the staff hit upon a novel plan for putting two hours of podcast into one hour of time! Lane, Biggs and special guest Chris Privitere zoom along in this barbecue-flavoured ride!


  1. You sound like an Alvin and the Chipmunks understudy reject. I’m an angry smurf, and Biggs is a chipmunk we force-fed speed to and then laughed at the results. This is awful. Inhumane. You should stop; even I can’t condone treating our readers like this, and I dislike them and their anime figurines.

  2. You’re even squeakier! I mean, whenever you’re talking, I can’t differentiate between you and Biggs.

  3. There’s a hierarchy of Squeak at work here. Clearly Biggs is Empress Squeakzorina of Squeakrogg. You’re the Grand Vizier Squeakqwerl, and Chris is maybe some sort of kitchen laborer at Squeak Palace. I’m like some sort of barely-squeaky peasant laborer, Doug “Squeaks” McFarmhand or something.

    I am clearly less squeaky.

  4. You talk more slowly, which results in less overall squeak factor. It may be the result of drinking Texan water all those years.

    Mmmm, petroleum!

  5. Chris Privateparts’s heterosexuality is even more implausible sounding when he sounds like that!

    I wonder if iTunes can do a half-speed playback to make this sound normal? lol

  6. @ep: Nope, because iTunes drops frames. It doesn’t use an analogue ramping system, which is what I employed (it’s more amusing to have chipmunk voices than just normal voices speaking quickly, right?). :)


  7. I kinda like the new format. A lot more content in the same amount of time. lol

  8. What in the shit is this? I have never before wanted to stab myself in the ears from hearing my own voice, but now I can’t find a knife sharp enough!

  9. Dirk Hardpeck! Bob Johnson…oh, wait. I was mentioned on a podcast?

    I really wish people could understand sarcasm more nowadays…it’s almost like people become dumber and dumber over time, and it’s on purpose.

  10. Rock Hardcastle! Big McLargeHuge!

    You did get a MST3K shout-out, as you always will with me, sf’s #1 fan.

  11. You can’t tell the difference between me and a Scottsman? A FUCKING SCOTTSMAN?!

  12. @ SN, could be worse, he coulda called you the brain surgeon from Python. G’day Bruce!

  13. I Thought that was SN. And for the record: Helium+Tits doesn’t equal more fun bags.

  14. I just wanted to mention that the shape of the grill in the post is as terrible a shape for grilling as Texas is a place to find one’s self located.

    Also, I made chili with ground turkey and black beans yesterday and it was delicious.

  15. Turkey and black beans? Pussy.

    Also, that grill is serviceable, but only for things like burgers. No cover means it is wholly unsuited for steak. The shape matters not a whit.

  16. I have an idea. It is an idea for a large, Texas-shaped steak that is also Texas-sized. Then, we cook the steak on a Texas-sized and shaped grill. Of course, the casualties inhabiting said grill would be tremendous, but I think we can all agree that it would be the greatest steak of all time.

  17. The tastiest meal ever watered with the blood of a million innocents.

    Actually, they’re all Texans. Innocents? What am I talking about?

    Burn ’em all.

  18. Thanks a lot, Lusipurr. Now I have to go into Audacity and slow this down -_-

  19. @Tharthan: Good luck. I didn’t just increase the speed, and I didn’t use a single linear acceleration. I used speed changes throughout the podcast, as with the pitch, to make it impossible for anyone to simply go into audacity and reduce the speed to normal. :)

    You can probably make it ‘more normal’, but you’ll never get it right. It will warble around and sound wonky no matter what.

  20. I think the speedup in the beginning and the slowdown at the end are the best parts of the podcast.

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