MAP Episode 117: Jonesin’ for a Boss Fight

When this thing is encountered for the first time and the music kicks up, there's only one word for it: Epic.

Now this is a boss fight.

Download Link: Produced 2011.05.22

With Anime Central (A-Cen) on the horizon and Summer finally arriving, most of the staff go on holiday, leaving only Ginia and RootBeerKing available as panelists. Lusipurr manages to avoid the ‘Canadian sandwich’, to tell a story about sausages, instead.

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As discussed in the podcast, we’re taking submissions for WORST RPGs EVER. Please submit below a list of the worst RPGs of all time. We will use this list when crafting the punishment list of games for the Lusipurr.com Summer Donation Drive.

The Donation Drive will work like this: the best game will be at the bottom, at $0. The worst game will be at the top. As money is donated over the Summer, the slider will rise higher, and the games will be worse and worse. At the end of the Summer, whatever the game is, Lusipurr will swear to play through it and review it as his very first review here at Lusipurr.com; in addition, he will discuss it in detail on the podcast. And that’s why we need to know what you think the worst games are.

One simple rule–the games need to be RPGs and they need to be available on systems Lusipurr has access to: NES, SNES, GB, GBA, NDS, PS1/2/3, PSP, PC, Mac, and iOS.

Let the suggestions commence!

42 comments on “MAP Episode 117: Jonesin’ for a Boss Fight”

  1. Games for which I can vouch:

    Megaman Battle Network 4 (GBA)
    Megaman Battle Chip Challenge (GBA)

    Games about which I hear awful things:

    Quest 64 (N64)
    Cross Edge (PS3)

  2. My list (ten, in no particular order, because it is late):

    Beyond the Beyond
    Shadow Madness
    Rhapsody
    Fable
    Deadly Towers
    Quest 64
    Ephemeral Fantasia
    Unlimited SaGa
    Summoner
    Arthur’s Quest
    Blaze and Blade

    There are a bunch more, but this should get you guys started.

    You know it’s a shitty list when the best game on the list is Fable.

  3. Oh, Ephemeral Fantasia … I had forgotten that abomination …

    I would personally love to see a review of Eternal Sonata, that really has some of the worst writing in video games.

    I would also like to recommend an unpatched copy (1.0) of The Witcher, played on a Vista 32 bit operating system. :D

  4. In order of badness:
    Quest 64 (N64)
    Kingdom Hearts (PS2)
    Cross Edge (PS3)
    Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker (DS)
    Harvest Moon DS(DS)
    Ys 3 (SNES)
    Dark Cloud (PS2)

  5. In no particular order:
    HydeLyde
    DragonQuest IX
    Final Fantasy XIII, X, X-2
    Eternal Sonata
    Drakkan
    Summoner
    Sword of Vermillion

    Any number of Genesis/SNES games from my youth.

  6. @Lusipurr I hope you’re being sarcastic… Cross Edge is terrible.

  7. @RBK: I’m not being sarcastic. All of the games in my list above are worse than Cross Edge.

  8. Oh I’m sure they are, but as far as games I have played, Cross Edge is one of the worst.

  9. @Lane:
    HydeLyde — Ugh yuck.
    Drakkan — I actually beat that game.

    Final Fantasies X, X-2, and XIII you are totally wrong about. X has a good battle system, X-2 has an AMAZING battle system, and XIII is fun if you don’t treat it like it is some grand epic (which it tries to be, and should not have tried to be).

  10. my list
    Opoona (Wii)
    Lunar Dragon Song (DS)
    SMT: Devil Survivor (DS)
    Kingdom Hearts Re Coded (DS)
    Riviera(PSP)
    The Dark Spire (DS)
    Growlanser Generations (PSP)
    DemiKids: Light Version/Dark Version (GBA)
    Sonic Chronicles (DS)
    Eternal Sonata (PS3) (although in my opinion only the second half was really bad)

  11. Beyond the Beyond PSX -(I beat this…I think it was my only PSX RPG and it almost ruined my adolescence)
    Xenosaga 2 PS2 -(Never played it, but everyone says to skip it and watch the cutscenes on Youtube and go on to 3)
    Legend of Legaia PSX -(I rented this and hated it. I don’t remember why exactly)
    Legend of the Stars – SNES -(It’s like if somebody played Dragon Quest, wanted to clone it, and included only the most generic, boring, unfun parts of it. Also, the graphics suck.)
    Summoner PS2 -(Never played it, but it looked pretty awful. Was a PS2 launch title or really early.)
    Hydlide NES -(Never played it, but it’s legendarily shitty.)
    Dawn of ManaPS2 -(I think it's interesting how every Mana title is worse than the last.)
    Fable seriesXBox -(Not among the listed systems, but they’re pretty bad.)
    Final Fantasy II (Origins)PSX-(No wimping out with the watered down Dawn of Souls here.)
    Final Fantasy VIIIPSX -(This is the worst modern entry in the series. You either have to do tedious bullshit like drawing magic or tedious bullshit like a fucking card game. I hate fucking card games. Also, every else about it is terrible.)
    Musashi: Samurai LegendPS2 -(Pretty much every annoying anime cliche plotwise and the enemy move learning mechanic doesn’t fucking work.)

    Now I’ll post this to see what other people suggested. :-P

  12. @EP: Totally agree about Legend of Legaia.

    Dawn of Mana, too. Terrible.

    Fable series is available on PC, with Fable III coming sometime soon(?).

    FFII: Totally agree.
    FFVIII: Totally agree again.

    Never even heard of Musashi: Samurai Legend.

  13. If anyone needed proof that GameSpot is insane and wrong: They gave Legend of Legaia and Revelations: Persona higher scores than Suikoden.

  14. Rhapsody, FF Hats saga, Ultima VIIII & IX, Might & Magic IX, Phantasy star online C.A.R.D., Valhala Knights, Lunar DS, Sword of Vermillion, Super Hydlide want more stinkbombs lusy? almost forgot Nate Liles-the experienc.

  15. I sent the Suikoden review writer’s current spot an email:

    “Dear Bombcast,

    It’s been many years since Al Gore invented the Internet, and I have seen many, many things. Crazy things. Things that could drive a man to insanity, back again, and to some place that’s reserved for a man who’s seen tens of millions of lolcat pictures. What I’m saying is would Jeff like to apologize for giving Suikoden a lower score than Legend of Legaia and Revelations: Persona? Or for comparing it to Beyond the Beyond?

    Cheers,
    A Shell of a Man, evilpaul, from Pennsylvannia”

  16. @Drachonus: Sword of Vermillion! I had forgotten about that terrible game. Thanks for reminding me…

    @EP: You are trying to speak sense to a group of INSANE PEOPLE. You cannot hope to succeed.

    @SN: Shame on you!

  17. could be worse, I played/ beat an EA RPG in the 90’s called- The faerie tale adventre on genesis. or the ghost lion on nes for real torture, play might & magic III on the genisis with the music on and no guide/ map. beat even Swords & Serpents, Faxanadu, and goddess help me, Astyanax. never did beat any wizards & warriors trilogy. for a good concept, but awful gameplay non RPGs- Arcade’s Revenge, and Werewolf- the last warrior. NES

  18. In order of shit to shittier:

    Legend of the Stars
    Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest
    7th Saga
    Quest 64
    The Bouncer

  19. Most of these have already been mentioned so the below is mostly just for the sake of redundant internet consensus and such. These range from mediocre to bad and are in no particular order.

    Paladin’s Quest
    Beyond the Beyond
    Shadow Madness
    Legend of Legaia
    Summoner
    Monster Seed
    Unlimited Saga
    Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage
    Quest64

  20. Does The Bouncer even count an RPG?

    The list is starting to take shape…!

  21. I definitely have to second the votes for Ephemeral Fantasia and Lunar: Dragon Song. Mimana Iyar Chronicles is also pretty terrible. As bad as people seem to think Cross Edge is (I kinda like it), I would rather play that game 10 times in a row before ever touching M.I.C. again. And while not nearly as terrible, I’d have to put the original Final Fantasy Legend on the list.

  22. We have the list! Thank you for your reminders and suggestions!

    The donation feature and the list will both be unveiled on Monday, Get your bank accounts ready!

  23. My LA Noire Impressions
    In order to get this out of the way first, this game is not GTA based in the 1940s, it does borrow some aspects from the GTA series though. Same as when you play GTA you are able to “steal” cars, or commandeer them in this game from a very large list of time specific cars, which is positively amazing how many cars they are able to fit into this game. That is about all that they take from the GTA series, other than the fact that it is sandboxed they went a totally different direction, they do not have police that chase you for getting into an accident in front of them (you are the police), you don’t get murdered and spawn next to the hospital, if you die you end up having to restart from the last check point. This game is not GTA, if you want to play a game that is like GTA, go and play one, this is an entirely different beast.
    In LA Noire you have to put on the role of a detective from the 1940s, you start out as a rookie and quickly climb your way up the ranks getting promotion and promotion through your fantastic work solving cases.
    You solve cases basically with three different areas and it typically goes in a particular order until you get further into the game. First, you have to collect crime scene evidence, basically this is the boring part, you have to go through the scene, walk around, wait for your controller to shake, and then you pick up the evidence and look at it. This is a tedious task and it is really easy, I tended to walk around just waiting for my controller to shake without really looking at what it was shaking at, you collect evidence with no worries and the character will tell you whether or not it will affect the case or not. Thankfully this part does not take up too much time.
    The next part is the main part of the game, you interrogate the witnesses and suspects and Rockstar has magically made this part of the game, the best part. Rockstar has developed a new system for facial capture in video games, they use 32 cameras to capture every movement of the face as the character either tells you the truth or lies, and it is implemented so well that you can literally read their lips as they speak. You get three options to choose from when the option comes up, that is truth, doubt, or lies. Truth is pretty easy to tell, there will be no facial indications that they are lying so that is pretty straightforward. Doubt and lying is where you might have problems in the game, you have to decide whether or not they are hiding something from you, or if they are lying you must present evidence to them that contradicts what they lied about. This is the best and hardest part of the game because figuring out if what someone is telling you is true or not is pretty difficult at times.
    There are some chasing scenes, however they are not that great, you have to track down someone on foot or in a car while your partner shoots (poorly) the tires out from the other car that is fleeing from you. There are some areas where you have to go and do a little bit of shooting, however these parts do not last long and thankfully you don’t have to play them too often.
    The final part of the case is done for you in most cases towards the beginning of the game, however towards the middle you get to choose between two (or more) suspects that you believe to have committed the crime, if you choose wrong, there is no consequence, they are thrown in jail, you get yelled at by your superior, and you move on to the next case. This is hard to do sometimes, in the first case where you choose you have to choose between a pedophile or a father of a child, on one hand the evidence seems to point to the father, however it makes you feel bad for letting a pedophile out on the street if you choose him, it’s your choice.
    This game is fantastic, I love playing it, but sadly it is not perfect. I found myself being bored of collecting evidence, or during the chase scenes, and doing one case usually was enough for me for a few hours because they took so much concentration and so long to get one done. I however suggest someone pick up this game; through the small flaws it has it really pulls you into the atmosphere it has immersion, something I feel is missing from games these days.

  24. FF:MQ while a crappy game I don’t think is really that bad. Don’t get me wrong, it is very much Baby’s First JRPG and insultingly stupid, but it is technically competent. If given the choice to spend 10 hours drawing magic in FF8 (or playing its shitty card game) or playing FF:MQ’s mundane quest I’d go for the latter. At least I can mindlessly mash the ‘A’ button to win the latter.

  25. Worst RPGs I’ve played:

    Dark Savior – Sega CD (made worse b/c it was the successor to Landstalker, one of my fav games)
    Vai (Vay?) – Sega CD
    Future Wars – X-Box
    Droid Tactics – DS
    Izuna – DS
    Shadow Hearts – PS2 (sorta liked the second, damn the completionist in me)

    I’d like to challenge the suggestion of:
    1) Devil Survivor. That is a brilliant game, my favorite current Strategy RPG.
    2) ANY Dragon Quest (except maybe 7). Even Joker. DQ is great and you dudes is dumb.

    But actually, as far as recommending games for Lusipurr to play. I sort of WOULD like him to play a Dragon Quest game all the way through, dispelling once and for all that DQ games suck and are too “grindy.” Well, they are a bit grindy…BUT nothing compared to a NISA title which Lusipurr praises to the ends of the earth.

    Thus: I suggest a FULL playthrough of DQ5 and Disgaea 3, followed by a compare/contrast in written form.

    Been liking the new podcasts. You’ve successfully curbed the derailment and even talk about games now!

  26. The combat in Devil Survivor is soooooooo slow. The enemies all have tons of MP and half the demons in the game get to use a potent heal every turn.

  27. @Z.Bill: I have actually completed DQ1 and DQ4 (original), and I have played DQ2, 5, and 8. So I have a pretty fair idea what I am talking about.

  28. If you’re able to softmod your PS2 there’s DQ5 remake on the PS2 that’s got a fan translation that really good. I’m only partway through DQ6 on the DS, but after playing DW4 on the NES and the PS2 version of DQ5 it really changed my opinion of Dragon Quest. DQ5 reminds me a lot of Chrono Trigger in the way that it’s almost entirely cliches, archetypes, etc, but its just executed so well that it doesn’t matter. While I won’t say DQ5 is as good as CT, I think its definitely the best in the series (possibly excluding 6 & 9 as I haven’t finished 6 or played any 9).

  29. DQ5 wasn’t particularly grindy. Sure there’s dungeons and random battles and such, but I don’t recall walking in circles for hours at a time in it. They seemed to manage to balance the EXP/gold you get in the remake, so that you usually had what you needed. (They also increased the party size from three to four, and let you directly control your party members which is always better than braindead AI.)

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