News: Music, Money, Modern Warfare

Like Paper Mario, but cuter!

Theatrhythm Follow-Up
Anyone who has been to for more than week knows we are all about the Final Fantasy, and as most of us are also weeaboos who will play Dance Dance Revolution and similar rhythm games til our little musical hearts pop out, the announcement of Theatrhythm Final Fantasy made us giddy. More details have come to light this week, and I see it as my duty to enlighten. Most importantly is the plot; like Dissidia, the plot makes very little sense. It takes place in the same strange universe as Dissidia and Dissidia Duodecim with the goal still the same: restoring the timeless Crystal. However, this Crystal is not from a single Final Fantasy game like the others, this is the Crystal that governs rhythm and provides music to the world. It has been tarnished over time and your job is to restore it to its former glory. Like the two PSP fighting games, this 3DS game will have a chapter for each of the current thirteen Final Fantasy games, each chapter divided into three stages: Field, Battle, and Events. Players will choose their four party members and can select a difficulty level before their songs begin, making it so the less musically-inclined fans can still experience the game. The game is said to include of fifty songs, both original pieces and the familiar themes we have come to expect, including “Battle on the Big Bridge” from Final Fantasy V, “One-Winged Angel” from Final Fantasy VII, and “To Zanarkand” from Final Fantasy X. The game is currently slated for release this winter in Japan, with no international release yet speculated.

No, we never recycle images...
Server pimps!

Ubisoft: Get The Extra Bottle of Lube
We all know that video game developers cannot stand the used games market, but until recently, it has been difficult for makers of console games to keep a tight profit margin on their new games. Ubisoft says no more to this antiquated system of letting users buy a game and expect it to work for their money! Future Ubisoft games, starting with the upcoming Driver: San Francisco, will include a UPlay Pass, a code included with each new game that unlocks certain content and, specifically, online multiplayer. This is all well and good for the new game buyer, but to the used game buyer, this means that to access this content, you will have to buy your used game and pay an additional ten dollars for a new UPlay Pass. Electronic Arts, Warner Bros., THQ, and Sony have all detailed plans similar to this for upcoming titles, ushering in a new method of nickel and diming the consumer.

Price also had a hilarious phallic cigar.
But Captain Price said its not hard to improve upon garbage!

Internet Trolling at its Finest
Hey Oliver Motok! And any other readers we have here that are harebrained enough to like Call of Duty Modern Warfare! Do yourself a favor and check out Earlier in the week, the seemingly self-explanatory URL led not to an Activision site promoting the latest in the series, but instead, directed to the Battlefield 3 website. This was not a deliberate malicious attack by EA, they were unaware of the ruse until it was brought to their attention. The current owner of the URL is unknown, but we clap for them. To remove the blame from EA, the owner instead made a video with a clip from Monty Python’s Life of Brian, dubbing over a few key lines with such gems as “the most overhyped game of the year.” Needless to say, Activision is not pleased with the publicity garnered from a URL assumed to be their own. At a cost of US$2,600, Kotick’s legal drones filed a complaint demanding the transfer of the domain name from the proxy website.

Is it considered a reacharound and a stranger?
But his hand is his tail...

Her Joystick Better Than Your Joystick
Junk food and video games go together like salt and pepper, oxygen and hydrogen, or Ethan and Oliver. Doritos did a survey on Facebook, and while the social network is not the most reputable source of gamer information, it was found that the gender divide between male and female gamers is actually pretty even. What is more interesting about their study was the comparison of other interests outside of gaming, and its not pretty. It was found that approximately 84% of the female group enjoyed their gaming sessions, but only about 75% enjoying taking a relaxing bath, 71% enjoyed going shopping, and 70% enjoyed sex. That’s right, boys and girls, the girls who played video games are about 14% more likely to enjoy getting shot in the face more than…err…well. Not helping matters is the nearly one in five female gamers that bring their games to the bedroom with them, nor that they play their games an average of an hour more every week than their male counterparts. So to all the articles that offend me so much about how you need to convince your girlfriend to be a gamer, hope you still have Palmela Handerson’s number!


  1. The trouble about gaming gender breakdown polls (and especially on FB) is that they are rarely discriminating enough to eliminate the Farmville crowd. What gaming need is a proper census conducted, with a full breakdown between core and casuals, and the life-style habits thereof.

    -Also, I hate publishers.

  2. – I’m with Julian on that, there should be more differentiation between the casual and hardcore in polls like these. I suspect the gender gap among hardcore gamers is surprisingly small, though; it seems in recent years that women who game are almost as common as men. I know that the gaming communities I have been a part tend to have almost as many female members as males, but this is just from what I have seen.

    -Moe money, moe problems

  3. Likely to be pretty small overall, but likely to be pretty large when viewed against genre breakdowns.

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