News: April Tools

Cosplaying Lusipurr sounds terrifying.
Now in super-realistic high definition!

Activision Picks Up Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment, Molyneux to Direct

Explosive tidings from the world of gaming this week, with news that the megapublisher, Activision, has picked up the rights to produce and distribute the highly anticipated indie title Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment. This news coincides with reports that former Lionhead Studios boss, Peter Molyneux, has stepped in to head the project after the departure of Ethan Pipher, the game’s previous director.

Molyneux, who also stepped down as the creative director of Microsoft Game Studios’ European arm this month, appears to have timed his exit from Lionhead to perfectly coincide with the commencement of his duties as project lead for Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment. When contacted for comment, Activision head honcho, Bobby Kotick, had this to say: “You don’t get to be the industry leader in the field of gaming without first having a keen nose for talent when you see it, which is why Activision approached Peter Molyneux with this wonderful offer to really branch out from his comfort zone and set loose his imagination. We here at Activision greatly appreciate the time that Ethan Pipher has put into Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment, but we felt that Peter Molyneux is a more natural fit for a disappointment themed game, and trust me, I know a thing or two about disappointment.”

Lusipurr’s Fountain of Perpetual Disappointment focuses on fictional protagonist, Oliver Motok, as he sets off on a grand adventure in an effort to thwart the titular Lusipurr’s villainous attempts to transform the world into an 8-bit JRPG. The announcement was met with a good deal of initial interest, yet sliding release dates led many to suspect that the project had been cancelled. The game’s former director, Ethan Pipher, has not been taking interviews since initial reports that he had been removed from the project, yet when the team tracked him down at the Pink Flamingo Luxury Resort, he did confirm that the decision was “very disappointing”, before proceeding to eat small cucumber sandwiches from the waxed, bronze arse of a preening catamite.

I will use this image any time the opportunity presents itself.
Defending the universe from the post-2000s internet!

RPGamer Steps Out in Style

Somewhat notable RPG gaming website, RPGamer (AKA Cat Fancy), has this week shocked their users unto apoplexy by delivering a massive site overhaul, rendering the site virtually unrecognisable. The forums too have received the full upgrade treatment, offering enlarged buttons to provide greater accessibility to the hands of men.

The main site now features an attractive and colourful layout, which may prove shocking to some of the Cat Fancy faithful. The changes do not stop there, as the site has also been optimised for attractive multimedia integration and presentation, replete with full social media functionality. The site’s streaming video advertisements are now presented in full HD, and are able to spread to encompass the entire screen when readers track their cursors across them. From there readers are able to click on the advert’s ‘thumbs up happy kitty’ icon in order to automatically Tweet a link to the advert holder’s corporate website from their Twitter account, so that they might better demonstrate their loyalty to the brand. The social media fun does not stop there, with the RPGamer forums automatically posting story links to user’s Facebook (required for login) walls every time they read or comment upon a post.

With the new look comes a change in direction it would seem, with the site’s owner, Mitchell Tadwell, controversially pledging to shift the site’s focus away from mediocre niche RPGs, a move that is tipped to result in extensive site redundancies. Long-time readers need not worry about losing their favourite podcast ‘personalities’ however, as the entire gang are set to debut the new-format RPGamer FINEcast this week, a podcast hosted by listener favourite Chet Pragitere, as he leads the panel in insightful discussions about the products of RPGamer’s sponsors.

When contacted for comment, Tadwell had this to say: “RPGamer is very proud to bring you a website for the new millennium! We have harnessed the power of web 2.0 to provide readers with the unprecedented processing capabilities of the Twitters. This is all part of our greater commitment to providing timely monthly updates to the software which powers the RPGamer user experience.” While the final reader verdict is still yet to be determined, there have been isolated reports of RPGamer’s denizens simply turning off the internet and wondering the streets in a confused state. One wishes them Godspeed on their way to wherever it is that they are going.

This picture should also be used as often as possible.
Call of Duty Kitten Grenade

Infinity Ward List New Project on Kickstarter

Infinity Ward have this week announced via Kickstarter that Call of Duty fans will have the exciting opportunity to contribute to the potential 2013 release of an unprecedented special project titled Modern Warfare 4B. In a usual calendar year, Call of Duty fans are treated to a mere single entry in the genre defining FPS series, yet this need not be the case. If gamers are willing to stump up the cash in order to meet Infinity Ward’s development goal of $40,000,000, then 2013 could see Modern Warfare 4A released in the month of April, followed by Modern Warfare 4B in November.

When sought for comment, Infinity Ward art director, Richard Kriegler, responded: “We have wanted to develop a two-part annual property for many years now, but could never find a publisher to back us on such a significant undertaking. After seeing Tim Schafer’s wonderful success with Kickstarter, we figured that we could leverage fan goodwill to our advantage in order to make our dream of releasing two Call of Duty games inside the same year a reality. Our two game strategy is no mere cash-in, as we fully intend to provide long term developer support for both properties, and have a planned timeframe for high quality purchasable map packs to sustain the longevity of both games.”

It is not difficult to be cynical about the functioning of Kickstarter, in that it plays host to a plethora of no-name projects, which cannot hope to reach their goals, and subsequently do not go anywhere. On the other hand, few could argue with the enthusiasm shown towards Infinity Ward, with a total of $5,745,082 being raised inside a twenty-four hour period. With twenty-nine days remaining, Infinite Ward’s goal of $40,000,000 looks to be eminently achievable.


  1. I understand that, as a result of this deal, Ethan Pipher is reportedly very disappointed, but also fabulously wealthy.

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