Editorial: Them Pokemans!

Houndoom and I pretty much dress the same.
Houndoom and I pretty much dress the same.

I have never quite understood the habits of Pokémon trainers. I supposed they are a little like Magic players, somewhere between socially awkward and elitist bitches. Not that I’m complaining. Still, it seems a strange affair to be approached by another trainer in the various Pokemon worlds. After charging up to you with little exclamation points over their heads, many trainers then accuse you of challenging them.

Sort of like…

Thea trudges along through the blizzard. There is only one thing within the wide world that she likes less than struggling through snow, and that is driving in the rain. Fortunately, hardcore trainers only ride bikes. The shivering trainer is clad in little more than a pair of sandals and a hoodie bedecked in skulls. She ran out of cigarettes hours ago and would just about kill for a hot chocolate and a warm bed. She can hardly remember the last time she showered, or the last time she encountered someone over the age of 12.

“My pokemon aren’t meant for this cold!” she thinks. “Why did I ever let myself fall into this money-grabbing kiddie hobby.”

As she walks along, minding her own business, another trainer storms up to her. There are exclamation points in his eyes.

“What!? You want to challenge me!?” he exclaims.

“No, not really,” Thea stammers, teeth chattering. “I’m just looking for the Gym so I can go the fuck home.”

“Go! Snover!”

“Listen, I really don’t want to challenge you. My level 100-something Houndoom will kill the fucking Snover you just caught in one hit.”

Thea is buffeted by hail.

“Oh fine… Go Doomy! Use Fire Fang!”

Critical Hit! It’s super effective!

“I can’t believe you defeated me!”

“Just give me my damned money, bitch.”

Thea defeats Skier Morgan! She shoves her hands back into her pockets and wishes she chose a more practically dressed avatar for this particular playthrough.

I suppose this is why I would not make a very effective trainer. I guess I will stick to Magic where the pairings are handed to me and the biggest problem I have to deal with is knowing when to scoop.



  1. All of my pokemon are DARK-type, which is the best type. Including Houndoom.

    I want a new Pokemon game now. We could be doing that as a playthrough, except NOOOOOO.

  2. I haven’t read this post, due to Lane having already reviewed it, but I think we should all Google Image Search “My pokemons; you can’t see them”. Because it makes me happy.

  3. Never really got into the pokemin. But Magic can be fun until you look too closely at it and start to break it down into the mind numbing lawyering it can require to solve quandaries related to the Stack, priorities, and state-based actions…

  4. I’m with Lusipurr about the Dark types. I will always favour them in-game.

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