Feature: Lusipurr’s Academic Punchbeginner

This is not a KickStarter.

Lusipurr.com: Home of the Punchbeginner©

As readers and listeners are aware, Lusipurr has begun work on the research that will eventually make up his dissertation. Unfortunately, the scholarly edition of Lusipurr’s primary text has been out of print for twenty-two years and, in point of fact, only one copy exists for sale on the internet. Priced at £200 ($320), it is beyond Lusipurr’s means at the moment, despite the fact that it was needed at the beginning of the month. This is where you, dear, dear reader, come in.

At a staff meeting on 6 October, Staff-Writer-cum-Secretary-cum-Accountant-cum-Giant-Robot-Designer Pierson ‘Blitzmage’ Stone suggested the idea of a Kickstarter. However, this was a terrible idea, and Lusipurr told Blitzmage what a terrible idea it was. Lusipurr opposes Kickstarter and, when the revolution comes, the Kickstarter people will be right up against it. But what about a Kickstarter free of all the Kickstarter terribleness–a Kickstarter without the Kick or the Start? And that is when Lusipurr hit upon a thoroughly original (and, now, copyrighted) idea: The Punchbeginner! And, to demonstrate metaphorically how he had hit upon this original idea, he hit Blitzmage.

The idea of a Punchbeginner is simple. Unlike a Kickstarter, the Punchbeginner is used by people who actually do not have another way to raise the money to do the things they are Punchbeginning–and also unlike a Kickstarter, the things Punchbeginners are used for are substantially smaller and have rewards which can always be dispensed to donators. Instead of promising a copy of a game which will never be made, how about promising donators a personal tete-a-tete? A meeting is the sort of thing that can always be delivered upon, whereas the money for the game can all-too-quickly be spent on exotic women and imported substances of a controlled nature; and then, no game–ever.

Donate all your money. Donate all your money. Donate all your money. Donate all your money. Donate all your money. Donate all your money.

Definitely not subliminal messaging.

How it works: utilising the DONATE link on the right side of the site, simply donate to Lusipurr.com and leave a comment in this post saying that you have done so. The money received so far will be tallied at the bottom, along with the list of donators and their tiers. Every donation–whatever the amount–earns a reward. Larger donations earn larger rewards. And, if you want to donate twice, that’s all right, too–your total contribution will determine your reward tier.

What about those reward tiers? Well, here they are:

ALL donators will receive thanks, by name, in Lusipurr’s subsequent dissertation. This will be a published academic work. All donators will also be thanked personally on The Starlight Megaphone podcast.

$5 and up donators will be entered into the yearly Lusipurr.com game giveaway, held in the first week of January. The winner in the drawing will receive a free new game of their choice valued at up to $60US on either Amazon.com or Steam.

$25 and up donators will be invited to a guest-spot on The Starlight Megaphone, to participate in a special Gaming Moment section of the podcast, in which they will be asked to talk about their most significant gaming moment, and then wrap up the podcast with the other panelists.

$50 and up donators will be invited as a full guest panelist on The Starlight Megaphone, given news stories to report on, and otherwise treated exactly like a staff member for a day. In addition, the panelist will be invited to write the podcast summary and choose the pictures (within the bounds of the Lusipurr.com acceptable use guidelines).

And finally, $100 and up donators will be invited to personally interview Lusipurr live on The Starlight Megaphone in a specially-billed feature episode that will be pinned to the site. The interview can last up to fifteen minutes, and may include any questions on any topics whatsoever, excepting those restricted due to privacy or confidentiality reasons (i.e. addresses, phone numbers, etc). For his part, Lusipurr promises to answer all questions honestly (at least insofar as he is capable of honesty).

Note: A microphone and access to Skype is required for all TSM participation.

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I think you’ll agree that our Punchbeginner© donation tiers are certainly exciting. After all, some of them are not even permitted to our own staff: Lusipurr has never allowed anyone else to write up the podcast or select the pictures, and no one–not even his closest advisors–has ever been given carte blanche to ask him anything they like with a guarantee of an honest answer. Contribute today, and be the first ever to ask Lusipurr just what is his favourite pie (Rhubarb. Take that! Now you have to ask a different question. HA!).

* * * * * * *

AMOUNT RAISED: $145 of $320
Ends 21 October

1¢-$5 tier (podcast mention)

$5-25 tier (free game drawing)
The Legendary Zoltan
James Pagel

$25-50 tier (TSM gaming moment guest)
Matt Dance

$50-100 tier (TSM guest panelist)

$100+ tier (TSM featured guest and interview)
Julian ‘SiliconNooB’ Taylor (on behalf of Nate ‘Bup’ Liles)

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13 comments on “Feature: Lusipurr’s Academic Punchbeginner”

  1. Two things. Well, probably three.

    First, as I have neither money nor mic I can’t contribute or be on the TSM as the greatest guest since Nate “Super Bup” Liles.

    Second, what’s the text thing you need? I might be able to locate a copy.

    Third, I demand an end to Lusipurr.com’s discriminatory malediction against the center mouse button in whatever the latest version of Google Chrome I’m using!!! If I center mouse wheel click the Cait Sith at the top left I get that four direction scroll thingy instead of the main site in a new tab as Justice, clearly, demands.

  2. @EP: I will respond to your comments in the order presented.

    1) Poor bastard. Get off our property!

    2) The Works of Sir Thomas Malory (3 vols.; 1,916pp.), edited by Eugene Vinaver and P. J. C. Field, 3rd Edition (1990), Oxford University Press. Earlier editions (1st 1947, 2nd 1971 I think) are still rare yet somewhat more available–but are however quite useless. The 3rd edition is Field’s large-scale and total revision of Vinaver’s definitive text, incorporating around 2,500 changes, many of which are absolutely vital. This is *the* edition which scholars of Malory must use and cite from, and because it is the central work that I am using now and forever, a library copy won’t do. I need to have daily, permanent access to it in print format.

    3) I hate mice. You should be using a trackball. Consider this a lesson!

  3. Being a small fan of Malory, a bigger fan of some of the more medievel romances from whence his work was derived, and a big fan of my favorite weekly entertainment programme The Starlight Megaphone, I’ve decided to turn the generous tip I received today for giving subcutaneous antibiotic injections to a man’s pet snake into a donation. Enjoy!

  4. @Matt: Received and appreciated! And, you just got yourself a spot on TSM, so start thinking today about your most significant gaming moment! We’ll be contacting donators in the order of donation to invite them on board, so expect the e-mail in a few weeks’ time.

  5. Have just completed the Nate Liles interview. It was terrible.

    If anyone else tries what Julian did, I’ll flay them alive. What a waste of $100.

  6. HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA!! I am literally in tears from laughing so much! ^_^

  7. Well, it’s your money.

    I doubt our listeners will be similarly amused.

  8. @Mel: Wrong again, Mel!

    Also, the Punchbeginner© ends tonight, and we’ve raised about half of the necessary fundage for this one text. So, that’s something!

  9. Congrats!

    You get half of the word because you only met half of the goal :P

Comments are closed.