Hello there LusiCeremonies! It is time for Lusipurr.com’s greatest tradition. Perhaps this is only the second year, but nobody can deny the majesty of the Worst of the Year awards. While the rest of the gaming industry is busy trying to justify their favourite games as being the best games, we are here to peel up the carpet to reveal the dark underbelly of the industry. We are here to shine a light on the dusty dark corners in the basement of gaming. Ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between, here are your 2012 Worst of the Year Awards. Brought to you by the staff of Lusipurr.com. But especially me. But especially Julian “SiliconNooB” Taylor. Because nobody else spews venom like our favourite Australian News Curator.
EA has had an interesting journey from being entirely hated to appearing to be on the road to redemption to being more hated than ever. This category was the most unanimous in the voting. But why listen to me when we have Julian?
“EA earns the dubious honour of being the worst company of the year for managing to be comprehensively awful on multiple fronts, any one of which would be sufficient to earn them worst company of the year in isolation from any other. Origin malware, online passes, the destruction of previously good developers (Bioware), and the race to the bottom with respect to grey-brown shooters; they are just an utterly repugnant company.”
Julian was not the only person with poignant things to say. Our own Red Menace also stated that EA won because “it’s EA and they kill everything that is good.” Well spoke.
Worst Console Game
Fable Horsey Game
There were a lot of hated console games in 2012, it appears. In fact, every staff member voted for a different game except for my and Julian’s vote for the eventual winner. Once again, I will let Julian handle this one.
“The worst console game is the Fable Kinect Horsey game for the fact that it is a Fable game, a Kinect game, and an on-rails shooter game. That’s three kinds of shit.”
I honestly could not have said it better myself.
Worst PC Game
The PC has so much shit shoveled onto it that it is quite difficult to determine the worst software for it. Therefore this category garnered two winners.
Winner 1: Train Simulator 2013
How does this series continue to output software? If one is insane enough, one could spend literally thousands of dollars on train DLC. The gameplay is nothing but driving trains. For those of you who do not know, TRAINS ARE ON RAILS. That is one pricey screensaver. Even Flower has more gameplay. This trailer is for last year’s version, but it is still required viewing. It is almost bad enough to be too good for this award. But then again, it takes itself seriously. So it deserves this award.
Winner 2: Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (EA Origin version)
Take it away, Julian.
“The worst PC game is Operation Raccoon City on EA’s Origin platform for the simple fact that it is the worst game that I could find on Origin, which makes it twice damned.”
Worst Handheld Game
Angry Birds Trilogy
This was another well-divided category, but it was Kenjujuu’s argument that tipped the tie-breaker.
“…because the constant sale of converted flash-based awfulness to handhelds is killing all innovation in this kind of gaming. Keep it on the iPhone.”
Yeah! Fuck off, Angry Birds!
Final Fantasy Dimensions
I did not play this game or even know it existed. Thank God for Julian Taylor.
“The pricing structure was completely unacceptable, but I still may have paid for it if I were able to eke out a small measure of enjoyment from the game itself but couldn’t because the controls were too poor.”
Nintendo Wii U
Now we return to categories in which the winners claimed victory in a landslide. Julian’s arguments are augmented by his genuine desire for the Wii U hardware to be good because of the surprisingly strong concept behind it. But as you will soon read, he cannot in good conscious spend his hard-earned cash on the system.
“…not because it is underpowered, which in all honesty is par for the course for Nintendo, but rather because the hardware is far too unstable for such a technically unambitious console. The Wii U should have been as reliable as a rock, and handily capable of extended play-sessions; instead consoles are shipping dead out of the box, dying during firmware updates, and are unable to be played for more than three hours at a time due to the pathetic battery that Nintendo selected for the Gamepad. — I wanted to buy a Wii U this Christmas, but cannot because it is such a wretched piece of shit at present.”
Nintendo Wii U
Another landslide. Another on-point comment from Julian.
“[The Wii U wins] for the simple and beautiful fact that Nintendo’s chosen audience actually think that it is a peripheral for the Wii. If that is an invalid selection then I would choose the Wii U gamepad for having less battery power than the 3DS XL, but I honestly think that my reasoning for the system as a whole is pretty defensible.”
Devil May Cry Demo
Considering the full game did not come out until this year, it is even more impressive that this demo is taking home our dubious award for 2012. But I guess it makes sense because according to Julian, “the game is in a field all of its own in terms of sonic awfulness”. Get it together, Devil May Cry demo.
Worst Voice Acting
Silent Hill Collection
Ho-boy, I think Julian’s getting extra mad. His Foster’s is boiling.
“[Silent Hill Collection wins] not only due to the fact that the new VA is actually worse than the old VA, but also because of the fact that there is a minute and a half of extra voice performance THAT SHOULD NOT BE IN THE GAME. This comes in the form of whimpers and grunts and sobs and pants and sighs – the modern crop of voice actors seem deathly afraid of allowing a single moment’s silence, and as a result they sound like the insipid anime hacks that they no doubt are. Very, very poor voice acting. Very, very poor judgement. They are thus twice fucked!”
Worst Game Overall
Here it is. A game so bad that it beat out all other horrible games. A game that only needed to be the same as it was before, but made extra effort to be worse. Far worse. Ladies and gentlemen: a quote from Julian and a poster from Kenjujuu:
“The Silent Hill HD Collection is the worst overall because it manages to achieve the impossible – turning an excellent duo of games into wretched pieces of shit.”