News: Tidus Has No Head for Blitzball

Tidus with No Head
When Motomu Toriyama said that he intended to make the death of Tidus canon, Kazushige Nojima took him at his word!

Final Fantasy X Canon: Tidus Gets His Head Blown Off

Surprisingly, last week’s revelations as to the ridiculous plot points of the Final Fantasy X Audio Drama have shown themselves to be the mere icing on the cake of the run-up to the announcement of Final Fantasy X-3. Throughout the week more details have come to light as the audio drama, last week just a series of dot-points, has now been fully translated and uploaded to Youtube. Gamers have also begun to post plot details pertaining to the recently released Final Fantasy X-2.5, a novella written by Final Fantasy X scenario writer, Kazushige Nojima, which seeks to bridge the time between the end of Final Fantasy X-2 and the start of the audio drama.

It has now become quite evident as to why Tidus appears to be hurt during the audio drama, as Final Fantasy X-2.5 sees Tidus and Yuna wash up on the shore of an unknown island. Tidus then, unbelievably, comes across a spherical bomb which he mistakes for a blitzball, kicking it. This hilariously results in Tidus having his head blown off in the ensuing explosion , cue laugh track.

In the aftermath of perhaps the funniest death to have ever occurred in the world of gaming, Yuna comes across a centuries old unsent summoner who allows Yuna to revive Tidus like she did at the end of Final Fantasy X-2. Apparently, for some reason [?], Tidus can now never know what happened to him, else he will fade away. Unfortunately for Yuna, retrieving Tidus appears to have upset the balance of the Farplane, with the Moonflow overflowing with pyreflies, allowing people to bring back the dead simply by yearning for them. This would not be such a bad thing were it not for the fact that someone’s heart’s desire appears to be the return of Sin. If nothing else, the headless Tidus plot-point has one eagerly anticipating the Final Fantasy X-3 fan box-art.

Wii U Console + U Mad
It also does TV.

Wii U Outsells the Xbone

The Xbone, much like the Wii U before it, debuted to surprisingly high sales – which in this instance would have claimed the title of the world’s biggest console launch, were it not for the much hyped PS4. Yet, like the Wii U before it, the Xbone looks to be running out of steam if its sales during the week ending the 21st of December are anything to go by. In light of the overwhelming evidence of Sony’s current eighth generation dominance, Xboners are grudgingly having to concede that the PS4 is outperforming the Xbone, on account of weekly sales that have seen it take America by an appreciable margin, and dominate Europe by a ratio of greater than two to Bone. in terms of overall sales the PS4 is leading the Xbone by almost a million units, and it has taken the UK, a former 360 stronghold, by 530,000 units to the Xbone’s 364,000 units. This is all something that all but the most pig-headed of Microsoft fanboys must have been expecting to see – but something that likely no one was expecting to see was for the Wii U to descend like an avenging bullet from the heavens to pull out ahead in weekly sales a week before Christmas.

In all honestly, the Xbone’s weekly sales of 307,366 are not colossally bad, yet, given the fact that the Wii U has been the joke of the industry for almost a year, this is certainly not a comparison that Microsoft would have been pleased to see during holiday sales. This is no doubt particularly the case given that the PS4 has managed to outsell the weekly total of both competing consoles combined, posting sales of 656,655 to Wii U and Xbone’s 319,860 and 307,366 units respectively. In terms of software sales Microsoft’s machine also comes in dead last, with weekly sales of 927,070 units of software to Sony and Nintendo’s 1,404,805 and 1,744,668 units of software respectively. It is a little jarring to see the Wii U take the crown for weekly software sales, yet this is perhaps no surprise considering it was the week before Christmas and Super Mario 3D World has shown itself to be the breakout hit of the holidays.

Ultimately, this is probably an aberration. Three hundred thousand units of hardware is not awful by any means, and the Wii U is two hundred dollars cheaper with a high quality child appropriate pack-in game included with the purchase – so one would probably expect it to do surprisingly well during the holiday period. That said, it is still awfully funny to note that the Xbone has so little momentum behind it that it was able to be overpowered by the Wii U this close to its console launch!

Square Enix Logo
Gouging consumers in order to stave off a brave default?

Square Enix: Spending Money In-Game Is Fun, Like Going Shopping

In an interview this week, Bravely Default producer, Tomoya Asano, demonstrated just how out of touch Square Enix is when he opined that consumers basically enjoy in-game purchases, as it is like ordering extra toppings for Soba or going shopping. This sentiment is utterly infantile and ridiculous, as it is the act of receiving desired goods which makes shopping enjoyable. Moreover, Asano’s comparison with Soba toppings is way off the mark, as the purchase of extra food toppings is something which enhances the original dish, whereas holding back in-game cheats so that they can be individually sold to the player is something that diminishes the value of the software package.

Spending money is basically fun. For example, it’s fun going shopping.

If the buyer wants something, they can buy it. That’s what we’re providing, that’s service.

For example, you’re standing at a restaurant eating soba. You may want to make another order of fried tofu to go with it, and that’s what we’re providing.

Of course, you wouldn’t make your food extra salty so the customer needs to buy a drink. But nobody would object to being able to order extra topping for their soba.

So if we can gradually make a consumer’s games provide more opportunities for services like this, I think it’s making a more satisfying environment for users.

Paying one’s water-bill is not something which makes the act of drinking a glass of water more pleasurable to consumers. Spending money is not an act that is intrinsically fun or satisfying of itself, and having to spend money in order to access something which used to be included with the purchase of a sixty dollar game is something that is not at all appreciated. Credit where it is due however, as Bravely Default is nonetheless an amazingly enjoyable experience, and the game is perfectly playable without making a single microtransaction. That being said, the moment when the game informs the player that they can buy real-money cheats from the eshop certainly serves to tarnish the experience some. Ultimately though, while the microtransactions in this instance are not overly injurious to the game experience, one gets the acute sense that the goal-posts are being pushed ever outward to the point where requiring in-game purchases in sixty dollar titles will go largely unremarked.

14 comments


  1. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Is this a metaphor for the game industry? I think it is.

  2. I thought Tidus losing his head was some kind of joke between you and Lusi, Julian. I am dumbfounded that it is actually part of the FFX story.

  3. This is news that might make me actually like Final Fantasy X. That gif is amazing. Also, “two to Bone”? Full marks.

  4. This is going to be a disaster, but that makes me want to play it more!

  5. Exactly. I want this to be The Room of gaming. But hopefully with a good battle and ability system. Kinda like FFX-2, but even shittier and more amazing.

  6. The things that happened in X-2 were silly and lame, but not genuinely incredulous. With X-3 I am hoping that it’s one thing after the other that rivals ‘Tidus gets his head blown off’ and ‘Lightning moves to France’!

    I hope that this is the moment when Final Fantasy becomes a full blown parody!

  7. Wow. Those comments are almost enough to make me cancel my Bravely Default preorder. Bad enough it had language editing for the US release, but those statements are the epitome of talking out of one’s ass.

  8. Bravely Default is the best game that Square Enix have released since FFXII.

  9. ^^ I don’t mean to throw a wet towel on your well deserved fury, but it’s not a game that you want to miss.

  10. Oh I still intend to. The JRPG genre in the States isn’t exactly thriving, and you essentially have to berate a company until it agrees to release anything that isn’t Final Fantasy. I’d be doing a genre I love a disservice by not picking this one up just to prove that it’s a valued commodity to some of us over here. But hell, it’s a lovely looking game with hand drawn backgrounds, I wouldn’t pass that up anyways.

    On another note, it’s nice that the staff here actually liked FFXII. I’ve always been the minority in my affection for that title in other gaming haunts.

  11. “Bravely Default is the best game that Square Enix have released since FFXII.”

    @SN – Really funny, but I essentially had the exact same thought, but with more qualifications because I was playing the demo.

  12. It cannot be the best games since FFXII because it doesn’t have Vanille in.

  13. Here comes the best game they’ve apparently made in ages and they have to shit on it. They’ve managed to make something actually good of it’s own accord, something that doesn’t need heaps of justification (FFXIII), and they add microtransactions to it. It’s like they can’t do anything good or they’ll all die. It’s got to be at least THIS shitty, at all costs.

    And about the FFX-3 audio drama thing. Setting aside the idiotic story telling that does no favors for the notion that Japanese game stories are typically drivel that seem to get praise just for being coherent… What’s with there being an AUDIO DRAMA in the first place? A what? Why? Let’s pretend this story wasn’t moronic, so why can’t it be IN the game? There needed to be an ~audio drama~! Will the boxart also be a daguerreotype?

    Prease understand, I guess.

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