Editorial Miscellany: Mileys Are Us

Bow to our merciful leader.
ALL HAIL QUEEN CYRUS

We love Miley Cyrus here at Lusipurr.com. I know it seems obvious, but the transcendence of her expectation-altering performances – on and off the stage – are almost LaBeoufean in magnatude and so we strongly feel like there cannot be enough praised heaped upon her slight, ever-wiggling frame.

Let us speak of video games.

What Can I Do For You?

In an effort to juxtapose Our Queen Miley’s insurmountable talent, Final Fantasy X-2 opens with the worst pop sequence of all time redeemed only mildly by the entirely impossible and completely unnecessarily extravagent drum machine on which the concert takes place. Yes, my friends, I have been playing this game. It is impossible to have a firm reaction to it. Its story is ostensibly worse than Final Fantasy X‘s, but it is so far off the deep end of ridiculousness, I find it less offensive. I mean, although it is attempting to be light-hearted, it is not funny in the way that it intends to be, but at least it is not expecting me to take it as seriously as Final Fantasy X does and so I cringe a lot less and laugh a lot more.

Also the battle system is better.

Can’t Be Tamed

Okay okay, so I finally figured that if I bought Etrian Odyssey Untold I should probably try the story mode. I am still in the first stratum and while I feel like a competent job is being done with the story-telling to match the mood of the series, and I am certainly enjoying it, I do say that there is an underlying disappointment present in my playthrough. I love the Etrian Odyssey series because it has been unapologetically itself, challenging the player and trusting its world and mechanics so that the player can explore and learn through interaction with the world. The reason why I defend this and do not think the story mode is just a matter of providing choice is because I believe that the primary reason the games are so satisfying is because of how it chose to embrace this ruthless but fair style. While the story mode does not take away from this feeling extensively, and I understand the desire to bring new gamers into the series, it does feel a little contradictory to start to go in the opposite direction of what made the series so magnetic in the first place.

I was already hesitant that the fourth entry did even the most subtle of training sections, so for Untold to go full-on hand-hold tutorial, I cannot help but feel uneasy. Etrian Odyssey, like Miley Cyrus, cannot be tamed.

What a transcendent metamorphosis.
Our Queen before her transformation.

Wrecking Ball

I am not really sure which game to tie into this song. Um, because, um, the song is so good? Yes, that is it. This magnum opus is Queen Cyrus’ way of exposing her genius to us. We can hear the surface of the song, but there lies a sense underneath of greater purpose, of Miley giving just enough for us plebs to recognize a higher greatness but not possessing the capacity to understand the breadth of it. So… How about we move on?

Party In The USA

Here we go! I have an idea for this. This can be miscellaneous hour within an already miscellaneous article!

Thomas Was Alone

Old news? Maybe. But it is newly free for PlayStation Plus members and so I played it for the first time last night. It is promising! I hope it delivers on being intentionally more complex thematically than it initially lets on. It is such a great argument (so far) for what constitutes good character and story. (HINT, IT IS NOT GIMMICK-BASED, IT IS HONESTY-BASED.)

Wind Waker HD

The only reason I have not finished this game is honestly because it makes me far to hyped about whatever the next Zelda game is. It is so frustrating that Nintendo has taken this long to go HD because I honestly think they utilize more powerful visuals in the fantasy realm better than the vast majority of other developers. Naughty Dog is leading the charge in realistic visuals, which is great, but I am ready for fantasy worlds with their own sense of physics and rules. Wind Waker HD proves that – even using a facelifted game from two generations ago – Nintendo has great potential to lead the charge in this arena. Before it may have felt like a distant hope, but despite their horrible hardware choices, their software development has only become more reliable in the recent past. I am excited. I might just have to wait until E3 before continuing to play Wind Waker HD.

Tomb Raider

Played more. The story does not do the gameplay justice. Small steps, I suppose.

Final Thoughts

ALL HAIL MILEY CYRUS. ALL HAIL MILEY CYRUS. ALL HAIL MILEY CYRUS. Leave your comments below.

4 comments

  1. Just a comment to say that MILEY CYRUS IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING.

  2. I don’t have much time but I will tell you my story:

    Once upon a time I played Final Fantasy X and I liked it. Except for Yuna, she used to make me angry with her decisions in the game, things like Idiot were said by me with a really angry tone and a really high volume. I enjoyed the game anyway and I wanted to play FF X-2.

    I bought my ps2 with FFX and FFX-2 . I could play FFX-2 without having to wait! lucky me I thought. I played the game, saw the opening that had the theme real emotion and I really really really really really really really really really really really liked . I had to have the all theme AND the japanese version. The pace of the song plus those guitar riffs sealed my preference for J-pop J-rock music.

    The game was really hard to play in the sense that it was… painfull xD . So the thing almost everyone seems to hate is the theme music I like a lot xD .

    And how this article is so full of craziness it will seem wrong if I dont contribute with something. What follows is something posted in a facebook group, and I still can not believe someone will think in this way:

    Anyone expecting a “bundle of joy soon”? My mom is looking for a new home. It’s awkward to ask, but I thought I whould help her out She dropped her body on St. Patricks Day, 4 days ago, I whould really be happy to see her go to a happy loving scientology family this next lifetime. She is very nurturing and loving and able. Communication on this is welcome. We will be having her memorial service this week on 26 march in colorado. It will be great to have her there then and after that of course she needs to be close to her new family. I live in clearwater now but am from Colorado where I will be traveling to for her service. Please write me here on this.

    PD: Great article Ethos !

  3. That was an outstanding comment, Ferchu. I am thankful for your earnest participation!

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