Recently I had the unfortunate chance to have dinner with our very own Ethan “Ethos” Pipher. It was, unsurprisingly, absolutely horrible. Here I have chronicled this terrible encounter for our reader’s pleasure.
This all started when Lusi “Huge Nerd” Purr texted me and informed me that Ethan was coming into town and asked if I was free for dinner. Like an idiot I said yes, but I immediately felt sick to my stomach. It was almost as if my own body knew of the horrid dinner in which I was about to partake. For the next few nights I could hardly sleep, and what little sleep I did get was full of nightmares involving Ethan. I could not even escape him in my own dreams. This continued on and got worse and worse the closer I got to the infamous night. The worst nightmare came the night before and involved Ethan appearing in front of me no matter where I turned. I woke up in a cold sweat and it took me a few moments to realize the nightmare was not real. Little did I know the real nightmare was just beginning.
Three hours before the dinner I received a text message from Lusi saying that Ethan’s bus had been delayed and the dinner had to be pushed back by an hour. For a brief moment I saw a light at the end of the tunnel: could this mean the dinner could be canceled? Could all my worries be for naught? Alas, this did not happen and the dinner proceeded at the delayed time. I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes before Ethan and Lusi. When the waitress asked me if I wanted a beer, I almost immediately said yes. I just needed something to help with this anxiety I was feeling. However, even that could not help when Ethan walked into the restaurant.
The doors to the restaurant swung open and the air felt hot and heavy. In walked Ethan, with Lusi tailing right behind him. After seeing Ethan’s beautiful face all my nightmares vanished and we all had a pleasant time eating and chatting about the recent announcements at E3. The only idiot, stupid thing Ethan did was realize he left his passport in Lusi’s car when the waitress asked to see his ID. For some reason he still carries around an expired driver’s license, like an idiot. What a dingus! Ethan ordered the Shepherd’s Pie and took two bites before declaring himself “stuffed,” much like a child would at McDonald’s when demanding they are old enough to no longer share french fries with mommy. Other than that, it was a nice meal with friends. I do not know what you readers were afraid of!