Editorial: Awesome (Not) Steam Greenlight Games, Part 8

Well, here we go again. Another amazing installment of amazing games that we should all vote on in Steam Greenlight! One thing I do not recommend: showing Steam Greenlight to a depressed/suicidal person.

Welcum 2 my hood.
This looks like something out of a crappy GTA III mod.

Amazing Frog

So, I think this is a game where the player runs around as a frog and knock into other frogs? I think this is trying to follow the coattails of the success of Goat Simulator, which was fun for like twenty minutes. This game was originally on the Ouya, so that should be enough of an explanation for anyone. This game is further solidified in the “complete crap” category by the fact that a question mark is in the game’s title. Amazing Frog?, more like Amazing CRAP, am I right?

Score: Kermit/10

Best Comment: [rainbow] [QSG] ,=,e Kaymon18: “Rate level 9999999999/10”

RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish I could really customize boobs…

Milkshake

Hehehehe, boobs. Boobies. Breasts. Juggs. Hooters. Sweater puppies. 12-year-old mentality. Again, another clone of a crappy game that was basically just a fad to begin with. This game is basically just Flappy Bird but with boobs. Nobody cares. Nobody ever said they wanted this. Get this crap off the internet. Also, the description of the game asks the potential voter if he or she “likes to party?” I can only assume the author of the game is basically offering a sexual favor, to which I reply a hearty “Yes!”

Score: Knockers/10

Best Comment: Nakey: “theres a place for flashgames and its not here.”

WHY IS THIS NOT MINECRAFT?!
Totally not Minecraft.

Colony Survival

This game is just Minecraft.

Score: NOBODY WANTS ANOTHER MINECRAFT CLONE/10

Best Comment: daniacea: “Looks like a good idea for a game. Parden my joke but I’m nicknaming it Slavecraft!”

14 comments

  1. I cannot for the life of me figure out how any dev. is stupid enough to believe that their Minecraft clone will succeed where every other Minecraft clone has failed.

    If people wanted to play Minecraft… they’d play Minecraft.

  2. @Ethos: Obviously you have NEVER seen a boob. That is 100% a boob.

    @Lusi: That’s what people said about Mario, and look at all the amazing Mario clones. Oh wait….

  3. Amazing Frog did make for a few entertaining Youtube videos, I’ll give it that much.

  4. Maybe if there was a Minecraft clone where your guy is a frog and he fights dressed-up boobs… then you’ll be cookin’.

  5. @Bup – That is true, yes, but what I am saying is that that boob does not have any boobs.

  6. This series just makes me glad I don’t use Steam or dabble in indie games.

  7. @Wolfe: There are plenty of excellent, really astonishingly good Indie games. But there are far more games that are absolute and total shit. Luckily, you have people who can help you figure out which few are worth playing.

  8. @Lusi: I hear a lot about some of the good ones. A lot of them seem to be tributes or reinterpretations of old Japanese titles I grew up with. I did play Cave Story ages ago, before it even had a proper console release and found it delightful, but that’s about where the indie scene began and ended for me.

    I’m also pretty leery of western developers trying to do their take on Japanese stylistics because one of the things I enjoy most about Japanese titles are that they are not the product of my own culture. They’re a sort of interactive gateway into another way of thinking that’s sometimes bizarre, sometimes really interesting. And when you take that way it steals a lot of the joy of it. For me, at least.

    Note: I’m not sure if this fits the definition of indie title, but I do think both Rime and the Witness look very interesting.

  9. @Wolfe: They both are. Braid is fantastic: writing aside, it’s one of the best puzzle-platformers I’ve ever played, full stop. Fez, whilst not being akin to the second coming as some people would have one believe, is a seriously well-made and extraordinarily competent platformer. And then there are titles like Outland, Guacamelee, Limbo, Trine, Shadowgate (2014), Shovel Knight, and so on–all of which deserve massive accolades. These are some of the best games I’ve played in years, and they outnumber the ‘big studio’ titles that I’ve enjoyed equally as well. Few of them are ‘tributes’ or ‘reinterpretations’. They are just solid modern examples of the sort of games we used to play before the industry became obsessed with 3D and cutscenes–before budgets reached Hollywood levels of bloat.

    A quick perusal of my Games List can give one a pretty tight rundown of the best that the Indies have to offer.

  10. @Lusi: I’ve heard many others say the same thing, especially about Shovel Knight. I’m sure when there’s a bigger investment from Japan’s side (provided that ever happens) I’ll find a few gems to chase after.

    For the purpose of clarity, where do you stand on companies like Obsidian or inExile attempting to resurrect the CRPG scene? Their titles, more than any I’ve seen have looked the most appealing to me, but I’m not sure they can qualify as indie in the definition we’re using here.

  11. Big surprise, another shitty indy game that steals its graphics…

  12. @Julian: That’s another thing that turns me off about indie games.

  13. @Wolfe: I’m not familiar with the works of either company (I never really went in for CRPGs at all), but as I understand it, they have some Black Isle employees and may be doing some decent work.

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