Editorial: Awesome (Not) Steam Greenlight Games, Part 9

Wow, we sure are in for some “great” games this time around. Boobs, zombies, stand-up comedy, Australia, RPG Maker, and anime. All of my favorite things grouped into one post. All I can say now is, “read and enjoy.”

I wish I could just "Leave" this game.
Weird animals, old emergency vehicles, crappy MS Paint drawings. Seems like typical Australia to me.

Leave ’em Laughing

Ever have fantasies of being a stand-up comedian in Australia? Or maybe even just going to Australia? Or maybe just leaving your parents’ basement for more than your daily trip to McDonald’s? Yeah, I did not think so, nerd. To be honest, this game could be good if the graphics were not all garbage MS Paint drawings. Also, if it was not on Steam Greenlight. Also, if it was not set in Australia (sorry, Julian). From what I have gathered reading the game’s description (at least, the little I could read before wanting to blow my brains out) this game is about exploring a city to create jokes for a stand-up show. Since the game is set in Australia, I can only guess that all the jokes involve kangaroos, being the descendant of a criminal, and Paul Hogan. I hope the ending of the game involves the character becoming a big-name Australian comedian and meeting your idol: Yahoo Serious.

Score: This is a knife/10

Best Comment: Gorlom[Swe]: “If Quinto Fabio Massimo shows up be aware that he cares nothing about your game. All he wants is for EVERYONE to add Italian language. He posts the same 3 step approach to requesting Italian on EVERY game. (He starts out by asking “only English” and then he asks which languages you’re going to add, and finally when you ask which lanaguage he would like you to add he is going to ask you to add Italian.)”

RPG Maker blows.
Is this a sequel to that Sonic Wii game?

Tales: The Black Night

There is only one thing I love more than anime, and that is an RPG Maker anime game. Making a game in RPG Maker takes a lot of effort. It is totally not a program that basically renders everything for you and even a monkey with brain damage can make a game with this program. It is totally something that needs backing and support on Steam Greenlight and attempting to profit off a game made using RPG Maker is not shady and disgusting. I do not even care what this game is about, as it looks like complete garbage from just a glance. The saddest thing is that in the game’s description the developer says this game has taken two years to make and it is only eight hours long. Are they working on it for five minutes a day or something? Ugh. Steam Greenlight and RPG Maker are the WORST! Anime is also the worst. Everything is the worst.

Score: Anime Eyes/10

Best Comment: Phaneron: “Oh, senpai~ rpgmaker uguuuu”

How does her shirt even stay closed?
Like, I dunno, whatever! LOL!

Massive Cleavage vs Zombies

LOL! This game is like, SO, random! There is totally, like, boobs and zombies and cool stuff like that! Get this: the player has to fight zombies with her boobs out while trying to find BBQ sauce! How hilarious and funny is that? When the zombies are all killed the player gets to fight dogs as well! Not zombie dogs, just normal, everyday dogs. I am sure PETA will be all over this game any second now. This game, unsurprisingly, looks like complete garbage and I am pretty sure that the developers have never actually seen a real breast outside of the Internet.

Score: DD/10

Best Comment: Andy Dufresne: “This game will completely revolutionize the western game industry as we know it. Valve, taking this economic venture will greatly help you in the long run. This game will be seen as the pinnacle of games as art in due time. This being released would enhance humanity’s existence by a magnitude by which we are not fully aware. One thing is for certain however– That titties, are indeed, the best.”

16 comments

  1. There’s nothing wrong with the art style for that Australian game–that’s actually what Australia looks like.

  2. Maybe I should build a “game” in Minecraft and just sell my world’s save file for 3.99.

    Someone will buy it.

  3. “Ugh. Steam Greenlight and RPG Maker are the WORST! Anime is also the worst. Everything is the worst.”

    So, I guess To The Moon (which was made in RPG Maker XP) and Chronicles of a Dark Lord (which was made in RPG Maker VX) is just a bunch of crap, right? Forget that they’re both highly praised, especially To The Moon which has been hailed as one of the best indie games of this generation.

    Anyone can put together a game like those, right? I know this is a trollish/satirical kind of site, but I just couldn’t let those comments go. There are plenty of RPG Maker games that do suck a pie hole, but there are also some that break the mold and are genuinely pretty amazing games.

    Lastly, I want to point out that many devs who use engines like Unity and Unreal, when they need to create a RPG they actually make a mini RPG Maker-like layout within the engine of their choice so that it makes development more streamlined. Check out the ORK RPG Kit for Unity if you want to see what I mean, it’s setup is so akin to RPG Maker it’s staggering. For the record, I tried using RPG Maker myself and I sucked so hard at it that I gave up on it. Just a few cents from me. I’ll be lurking around.

  4. Ah, Lurkers are welcome but you’ve now elevated yourself to Commenter! It comes with the following perks:

    And for a limited time:

    But, seriously, thanks for the feedback.

    And frankly, I don’t know much about RPG Maker so I guess my opinion of it is jaded by the consistent crap that seems to be associated with it. That might well be throwing a few babies out with the bathwater, I’ll admit.

  5. @The Shiniest: I think the analogy comparing RPG Maker and the Unity engine is a false one. RPG Maker is not merely an engine: the assets are pre-made as well. But a dev. working with Unity isn’t given a toolbox full of pre-made character models, textures, fonts, images, battle themes, etc. In RPG Maker, the user is given precisely that.

    Does this mean that RPG Maker takes no skill? No, of course not. But, it takes considerably less skill than making one’s own game, including one’s own assets, and creating the system that will employ them. RPG Maker is a very limiting set of tools insofar as that kind of ingenuity and creativity is concerned.

    Analogously, we praise a chef more if they make a cake from scratch, rather than if they make it from a box of mix. And, equally analogously, a chef who is willing to do more than make things from mix boxes and pre-made materials is going to have a lot more options for freedom and creativity than a chef who chooses only to use mix boxes.

    Does that mean that the guy making a cake from a mix can’t be creative? Of course not. There is absolutely room for creativity there. But it’s a narrower set of options than he would have if he were to do the lot himself.

    All this aside, you’re well to pick up on Bup’s tone. His editorials on Steam Greenlight titles are all a bit tongue-in-cheek. Nevertheless, I think we ought to be able to agree, if only in general, that RPG Maker titles probably aren’t the best use of the Steam Greenlight system.

  6. “I think the analogy comparing RPG Maker and the Unity engine is a false one. RPG Maker is not merely an engine: the assets are pre-made as well. But a dev. working with Unity isn’t given a toolbox full of pre-made character models, textures, fonts, images, battle themes, etc. In RPG Maker, the user is given precisely that.”

    I get what you’re saying, and to many degrees that’s invariably true, but what do you get when a game made in RPG Maker uses all original assets and scripting? You get an original game that happened to be made with an RM engine. There are games being developed in that engine that are using all of their own original assets, they’re literally just using the engine as that…an engine. I’ve seen projects with their own original scripts, assets, etc. To me, it’s the same deal as Unity. Oh, and you can purchase a bunch of textures, objects, and models from the Unity store and…well you’ve got pre-made assets with an RPG Kit add-on that has all your event commands, three different battle systems and your database set up for you. Sounds akin to RPG Maker, doesn’t it?

    My ultimate point though, is that there’s crap made with any engine out there. There are crap games made using Unreal and Unity, so why the animus toward RPG Maker? I know why, of course, it’s because for so long that series has been synonymous with crap games that some folks really don’t know that some amazing, original games with their own assets and scripting can be made that really pushes the engine. Again, look at To The Moon, Chronicles of a Dark Lord(especially the sequel the screenshots look amazing), and The Sacred Tears: True. I never look at the engine a game is made in, I look at the quality of the game itself. If it’s got a poor presentation, bad controls/gameplay, and whorific (yes I spelled it that way on purpose)music, then it’s a bad game.

    Anyway, I do love this site but I’ll argue to the death (and win) when it comes to defending quality titles made in any engine (specifically RPG Maker in this case). Granted, the ones on Steam Greenlight (save for a select few) are pretty much crap in a can, but then there are also unique pieces of crap made with Unity and Unreal as well I’ve seen on there as well, that Mel unfortunately has had to look at.

    Looking forward to your next article. :D

  7. RPGmaker games do kind of suck, but at least their graphics are legally licensed, unlike a certain game featuring boxes and guns…

  8. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff here, and then realised later that, if I have to explain how inductive reasoning works, then there’s no point bothering in the first place.

    The upshot is that this website fosters discussion between intelligent people, who are aware (when dealing with general rules) that exceptions exist. We don’t need to stop and smugly, pedantically point it out as if we have uncovered some great evil. The speaker is intelligent enough that he is aware, and we have faith that our audience are equally intelligent. This principle is what makes communication possible in the first place. We therefore adopt it as a conceit when performing our authorial work.

  9. We are seriously circling the drain here. Can these even be called games with a straight face?

  10. @Wolfe: With a straight face?

    No. Probably not. Although…

  11. I hope that Nate reviews only RPGmaker games next week, because that engine is quite awful.

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