Editorial: The Secret Steam Greenlight War

Spaghetti
This kid is wondering why his game is not in Italian.

As many of our fine readers know, I have been reporting on really, REALLY bad Steam Greenlight games over the past few months. While I have mainly focused my efforts on pointing out the worthlessness of a majority of the games on Greenlight, one man has waged his own war in the comment sections of these games. While there are many fighting back against his movement he stands strong and retaliates with only a simple question: “Only in English?” His name: Quinto Fabio Massimo.

It was early in 2014 when Massimo said enough is enough. How dare these Steam Greenlight developers only make their Minecraft clones in English? How dare they ignore the cries of the rest of the world and not include Italian as a language? Do they not know that Italian is spoken by over 85 million people around the world? Massimo demanded satisfaction. To combat this indiscretion Massimo created his own Steam group devoted to his cause: “Greenlight Italia.” Before this group those speaking against their oppressors were an unorganized, rag-tag group of rebels fighting against a corrupt, but powerful, system. Massimo changed all that and united them under one banner. Is he a hero? Depends on one’s point of view, but one cannot argue that Massimo does not have vision. His fight is ongoing, but gains momentum every day.

Pesto
This would make sense if it was in Italian.

While Massimo may be the leader of this alliance, that does not mean he is not on the front lines of the fight. In almost every non-Italian Steam Greenlight game he is right there in the comment section asking the hard-hitting questions. Questions like, “Which languages in future?” and “Only in English and Portuguese?” This never-ending, thankless task does not slow Massimo down in any way. He is there on the first day these games are posted to Greenlight trying his best to fight the good fight and get Italian added to these garbage games that most likely will never see the light of day in the first place. However noble his war, there are some who oppose his views.

Lasagna
Sorry, I cannot understand this because it is not in English.

Massimo’s war is heavily opposed by his enemies in the Steam Greenlight comment sections. His enemies even go so far as to try to comment before Massimo so they can warn the developers about Massimo’s request for an addition of the Italian language. Unlike most wars this is not a battle between firearms, but a battle of words. Massimo’s enemies call him a “troll” or say things like, “Quinto, if you have nothing better to add to a game than “add Italian”, then shut up.” They cannot break Massimo’s spirit. His is a noble quest. A quest delivered to him from a higher power, much like the movie The Blues Brothers.

This author would like to wish Massimo luck in his quest to get Italian added to every Steam Greenlight game out there. Not because I speak Italian. Not because I will ever play these garbage games. Not because I know Quinto Fabio Massimo personally. Only because he is a one-man army with something to prove. Something this article has helped prove to all of its readers. Oh, and also because I think Massimo is a complete psychopath and will somehow find me and murder me in my sleep while whispering “Only in English?” into my ear.

7 comments

  1. His name: Quinto Fabio Massimo.
    Hereafter known as Fabio 5.

    …asking the hard-hitting questions. Questions like, “Which languages in future?”
    With an interrogative approach like that, he’s prime Lusipurr.com journalist material. Unfortunately, our site is not in Italian. Mi dispiace!

    His is a noble quest. A quest delivered to him from a higher power, much like the movie The Blues Brothers.
    Not unlike your contract with this site.

    Not because I will ever play these garbage games.
    Oh, is that what you think? Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha!

    Also: best picture captions I’ve seen in ages. Bravo! Grazi!

  2. As a descendant of Italian Americans I feel for this man’s plight… meaning I feel he should either learn another language or get by with broken English like my relatives did. We can’t waste time being NICE for your benefit. Where’s the money in that?!

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