Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 16

Remember that scene at the beginning of Jurassic Park where the one guy gets sucked into the cage and the dinosaurs are eating his legs? That is how I feel while I write each of these posts.

199-dull.
RPG Maker really does have the best weather effects.

199X

199X advertises itself as a “game without mechanics,” which is probably because it is another crappy Steam Greenlight game made in RPG Maker. It is a “lightly interactive” game (aka players basically press the arrow keys) and features a whooping one protagonist. Again, this is because this is a horrible excuse for a “game” made using a horrible excuse for a “game engine.” Not only that, but the developer of this game has the utter gall to charge for this couple hour “interactive experience.” Although is is only $2 US, it is still disgusting people are being charged for this crap. In fact, I have just decided to make it my life’s goal to destroy RPG Maker and all that it stands for. Stand beside me, my brothers and sisters (ESPECIALLY sisters heheehehehe *wink*), and let us take down this menace once and for… ohhh wait Jurassic Park is on. Nevermind.

Score: 2000/10 (Hehehe! See what I did there?)

Best Comment: Skev: “Piss off.”

I think I just fell asleep while looking at this picture.
More like: Quest of Xynha: Baal’s Boring-Ass Interface

Quest of Xynha: Baal’s Uprising

Zzzzzzz… oh, sorry! I feel asleep while trying to think of what to say about this game. Honestly, it seems like just a boring-ass RPG that would not have made any headlines even it was made 20-some years ago. Even all the names in the game look like someone was just dealt a really, REALLY bad Scrabble hand. I wonder if there will be any MAGICAL SPELLS in this game! There will be? What a surprise! Now, I bet the readers expect me to make fun of the art in this game. I bet that they do not know it was made by the game creator’s young daughter. I bet they think I am a heartless monster who will do anything in my power to destroy her dreams. Well, think again, dumb readers! Honestly, I think it is commendable that she feels confident enough to display her art in such a public forum. Even if said forum is a giant cesspool.

Score: Zzzzzzzzzz/10

Best Comment: TG Eggbeforechicken: “best game 10/10 IGN”

STOP MAKING ZOMBIE GAMES! ZOMBIES ARE STUPID.
“Hi, Mom!”

Zombie Anatomy Simulator

I think it has been fairly well established at this point that I hate zombies with a passion. This hatred does not come out of fear from zombie movies or that I believe a zombie apocalypse will one day wipe out humanity. No, it comes from an intense dislike of people jerkin’ their gherkin over anything zombie. This game is a direct result of that movement. All the player does in this “game” is touch zombie parts. Which are basically just human parts to begin with. Which would basically just be like playing Surgeon Simulator , which, from what I have been told, is actually a decent game. Even the description of this game does not make sense: “time for gore game bloody game fleshy real gore bloody fleshy game !!!!” Ugh. Just ugh. This is just another garbage copy of an already existing game that nobody ever asked for. Steam Greenlight is horrible.

Score: Eat a butt, Greenlight/10

Best Comment: massluca007: “what the actual fuck is this”

16 comments

  1. Bup is a file extension used to designate the “backup” file for the ifo file that typically accompanies vob files found in the root directory of DVDs.

    Urban Dictionary claims it is used to describe ambiguous behavior, or cause confusion about one’s behavior.

  2. namaste, v., (nah-mayst): A request to have the speaker’s ass kicked and their company excluded from future gatherings.

  3. Mel unit has been promoted!

    Skill Unlocked: Phenomenal Cosmic Powers.

  4. Bup, thanks for gouging pieces from your soul for our amusement. I look forward to these articles every week. I bow to the divinity within you!

  5. I’m sorry To The Moon, A Bird Story, and Chronicles of a Dark Lord, it appears that you were all made using a horrible game engine. Therefore, you must suck. Oh and any game made with the Unity engine sucks too, so I’m sorry Never Alone, Wasteland 2, and Endless Legend for the fact that you suck because your engine sucks.

    Actually, I think every game made with Unreal Engine probably sucks too, because that’s available to the public as well. You know what? We should just say that unless you custom build your engine from scratch to do a lot of the same things that these other engines do, that every single game made with a commercially-sold or free engine available to the public automatically sucks a big one.

    Sounds legit to me.

  6. @The Shiniest: Thanks for agreeing with me. Hope you are enjoying the site!

  7. If sometimes the fringe casts a shade upon the whole group, I can only be dismissive by default of efforts from pre-built/Unity projects when the shade is cast upon the fringe of worthwhile examples.

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