Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 17

I originally had three “games” to “review” this week, but one of them was basically just a Tererria rip-off, so it was deleted from Steam Greenlight before I could finish this article. I just hope that one day ALL of these games are deleted from Steam’s database.

Yeah, I love when my character has no distinguishing features and makes me fall asleep.
Dawn of the Mannequin

THUG

THUG gives the player two choices: spend five years in prison or live on an island populated by other criminals and rule, or die trying. So, basically spend a few years in prison or live in Australia. From what I have heard about Australia’s weather during the summer, I would much rather take prison. One of my favorite parts of this game is that a COUNTY court is sentencing the player to live on this island, not even a state or federal court. Quoted from the game’s description: “So you’ve been in the county court again for robbing, thieving, house breaking or just being a bad ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and the law wont take any more of your crap!” Not sure what the hearts are supposed to mean? Maybe that I was arrested for being a bad lover? Which, in this writer’s not-so-humble opinion, is a totally legit reason to be arrested (am I right, ladies? Hehehe). Not only does this game have a ridiculous premise, all the characters look like rejects from a Macy’s storefront window. Would gamers rather play as a bald guy with no distinguishing features or a blonde lady with no distinguishing features? It really does not matter because this game is so horrid that it will never see the light of day and its developers will most like forget about it in about a month.

Score: Less THUGs, more HUGs/10

Best Comment: BONUS DUCKS! BONUS DUCKS!: “What a great PS2 port!”

Richard Dawkins is spinning in his grave.
In before Ricky Gervais mocks this game.

The Zoo Race

Apparently JonTron did a video on this game a couple weeks ago. I did not watch that video before choosing this as one of the games for this article, but I have no issue if a bunch of idiot JonTron fans come to the site because of that! Tell us what happened with Aaron, Jon! The public deserves the truth! Ever wanted to pretend to be an animal, but are, justifiably, grossed out by the furry culture? Does anybody really like the story of Noah’s Ark, or at least a watered down version of it? Does anybody really like horribly bad graphics that were atrocious even for a game that originally came out in 2007? Yes, that is correct: this game first came out in 2007. Supposedly it is being re-released on Steam Greenlight because of the ironic popularity it has gained from being mocked by things like The JonTron Show . Even the developer is not sure this game should be released, as he asks in one of the game’s descriptions if it should even be on Steam Greenlight. I think the answer to this is a resounding, “NO!” Game Grumps.

Score: This game is SO 2007/10

Best Comment: dylantimoney: “jontron played this……. GREENLIGHT NOW!!!!”

Terraria is just a Minecraft clone.
This is just Terraria

Subterra

This is where I would have linked my dear readers to Subterra. However, the game was taken off Steam Greenlight before I could finish this article. As one can see from the screenshots it was just a clone of Terraria. Which was just a clone of Minecraft. Which Lusipurr.com has officially stated many times as not being an actual game. So, by using the same amount of thought and logic I use when I write these articles, I declare that since Minecraft is not a game, therefore Terraria is also not a game. Which means that Subterra is also not a game, especially since it does not really exist anymore. I also declare that everybody just spent a few minutes of their precious, short meaningless lives to read this paragraph about two non-games and one game that does not exist. I hope everybody is proud of themselves.

Score: You cannot score a non-existent game, ya dingus!/10

Best Comment: Nate “Bup” Liles: “This game looks stupid and Terraria is stupid. Everything is stupid. I am unable to find happiness in anything.

6 comments

  1. I wonder, when the developer first imagined Subterra, they said to themselves “it’s like Terraria, only it’s all underground…” then proceeded to rip off the entire game.

    Also, don’t confuse this game with Sub-Terra, which is like Subterra, but in 3-D. That means it’s basically Minecraft.

  2. “Score: You cannot score a non-existent game, ya dingus!/10
    Best Comment: Nate “Bup” Liles: “This game looks stupid and Terraria is stupid. Everything is stupid. I am unable to find happiness in anything.”

    Yesssss….

  3. @Imitanis: I’m pretty sure we can say every game coming out these days is “basically just Minecraft.”

  4. “Tell us what happened with Aaron, Jon!”

    It’s spelled ARIN, Bup! JEEZ!

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