Editorial: Xbox Indie Games Round-Up, Vol. 4

No. Please, do not make me do it again, Lusipurr! I cannot handle anymore Xbox Live Indie games! Stop! STOP! Fine, just put the puppy down safely. As always, these “reviews” are written 100% biased and without actually playing the games in question. Enjoy so the puppy lives.

I do not know who is paying this bounty for zombies, but I want to meet them!
Oh no! The zombies are attacking that cool car!

Zombie Hunter IV

Finally. Finally the epic Zombie Hunter franchise ends and all its many fans are treated with an ending to its intense story. A story of love, violence, sex, and betrayal. Oh, and garbage. I almost forgot about garbage. One of the amazing things about this game is that there are apparently three other games that came previously. The first ones were so popular the developer decided to make three more. Three more piles of crap to throw on the ever-growing pile of crap known as XBox Live Indie Games. Apparently in this reality EVERY zombie in the world is originating out of a few buildings in a certain city. Last I checked that is not how zombies work. Zombies do not reproduce like a normal human, but what do I know? I am just a lowly writer being forced to research these games or else Lusipurr kills a puppy. Poor puppy. Oh, and I also hate this whole zombie fad with a passion. Zombies, like vampires, needs to go away.

Garbage Factor: Dawn of the Crap/3
Age of Developer: The obsession with zombies breaks the walls of generations, so it could be any age.
Development Time: Who cares? Seriously. Who cares?

That kid's got a big-ass head, right?
Apparently Billy’s ‘job’ is to float around while some overweight guy in a sweatsuit stares at him.

Billy’s Job

Ever wanted to play a game pushing push objects on a conveyor belt? Want to play a game that is basically just somebody’s every-day job? I sure as heck do not! I have no clue why the developer of this actually made the game, but I have a feeling it is because he or she is legally insane. Especially since Billy’s head is so huge. Seriously, look at that thing. It could be seen from outer space if Billy was under water. What makes matters worse is that Billy’s head is being threatened by some bald man with a tiny head. Is he angry at Billy because he has a tiny head? Is he angry at Billy because he is bald? Is he angry at Billy because he has to wear a garish bright green shirt? Maybe he is actually Billy and his job is to attack Billy. The world may never know the answers to these questions, as I am never going to play this game.

Garbage Factor: One Giant Head for Mankind/3
Age of Developer: For a head that giant? Like 12. Max.
Development Time: Probably like two hours to program the game and a year to make sure Billy’s head physics are realistic.

Nooo! White doors and white walls! Ahhhh!
And then a number 3 jumps out!

Really Scary

I think the best part of this game is that the house is supposedly haunted, but it looks like the house was built like two years ago. As we all know that is NOT enough time for a proper ghost to haunt a house. These things take time. There are forms and regulations poltergeists have to go through. At least, that is what Beetlejuice taught me. Speaking of which, anyone else excited for the sequel that was recently announced? I know the first one is one of my favorite movies, and it looks like a majority of the cast and creators are coming back for the sequel. Oh, whoops. I am supposed to be talking about this craptastic game. Who cares. It is garbage and so is the rest of XBox Live Indie Games.

Garbage Factor: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice/3
Age of Developer: Lives at home. Still owns teddy bears. 15.
Development Time: An hour to take the pictures, 30 minutes to awkwardly explain what he is doing to mom and dad, and five minutes to write the spooky, scary story. BOO!!!!

4 comments

  1. Okay, Picture 3 is not a picture of a game, or from a game. That is a picture YOU took of YOUR house and the doors to your two bathrooms.

  2. It’s amazing how many of these seem worse than old browser-based Flash games…

Comments are closed.