Editorial: Xbox Indie Games Round-Up, Vol. 8

Well, here we are again. Another week of crappy XBox Live Indie games. One day my prince will come and save me so I will be free of this hell. As always, these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without the review actually playing the games. Enjoy!

Pretty much every game should have this level.
The intense mission of “Make Lunch.”

Scarlet the Zombie Slayer

I really do not know where to start with this game. Maybe I should begin with the art that looks like something etched into a highschool desk. Perhaps I should then mention the ridiculous typical post-apocalyptic premise? No. I am going to mention the fact that the developer had the hubris to compare his piece of junk game to God of War and The Walking Dead. I can 100 perfect guarantee it is nothing like either of those things. Also, the main character is wearing a diaper. Apparently bladder control is not something they teach in the future.

Garbage Score: The Walking God of Crap/3
Age of Developer: Probably like 17. And he’s late for a final!
Development Time: Like a month to draw the crappy pictures and two days to program the game.

No, shoot me! Please!
I bet the player cannot wait for this game to end!

Boot Hill Heroes

I think this is the most racist game summary on the Xbox Live Indie Game marketplace. Last time I checked people do not really use the word “Indian” to describe a person of Native American descent. However, that is not the worst thing about this game. The worst thing is perhaps the lowest form of video game development one can do: making your game in RPG Maker. Actually, I am not sure this game was made in RPG Maker, but it looks darn close. Plus, it looks stupid, so that is another nail in its coffin. I bet this game stinks like an old west latrine! Ha ha ha! I am hilarious! Please, someone love me.

Garbage Score: Six shooter/3
Age of Developer: RPG Maker + old west theme= Mid-20s.
Development Time: It is RPG Maker, so like two hours.

...and then the door opened without a sound... because it had been OILED! Gasp!
No, not a doorknob!

Really Scary 2

Our good friend Chris Antoni returns with a piece of crap sequel to his piece of crap Xbox Live Indie Game. Basically the player looks at pictures of the developer’s parents’ house and something jumps out at random times. Oh. Oh, wait. Nevermind, it IS something original! The game’s description assures us: “A horror adventure game like no other on XBLIG.” Nothing is like this! Not even the original Really Scary which is basically the same premise but with different pictures. What a creative guy that Mr. Antoni is!

Garbage Score: Please do not let there be a number/3
Age of Developer: I Google-searched “Chris Antoni,” and the pictures made him look like he is in his early 20s.
Development Time: Like 15 minutes to take the pictures, but HOURS scaring himself while programming the game.

3 comments

  1. I would love to see how many people actually buy these steaming piles.

  2. The worst part is that most of these games have actual scores from players.

  3. @Bup: First, I don’t believe it. Post screenshots or something. No one–NO ONE–would buy this shit.

    That first screenshot isn’t even from a game! That is something that someone drew on a notebook during their sixth period geography class in sophomore year.

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