Editorial: Xbox Indie Games Round-Up, Vol. 9

The mysteries of the Xbox Live Indie Game Marketplace never cease. This week highlights two crappy zombie games and a generic, crappy fantasy card game. All things that have been done a million times before. As always these reviews are written with complete bias and without having actually played the games in question.

So... where are the zombies?
Yes, I totally know what is happening in this picture.

Zombie Hero

This is a game where the player does.. um… something? Honestly, what is even going on in that screenshot. The “cover” of the game looks like it is a Guitar Hero clone with zombies, but I see none of the same gameplay elements in the other screenshots. It looks like it has more to do with Pac-Man than anything else. I am also pretty sure all the “people” in this game were just stolen from knockoff Emoji apps. A knockoff game with knockoff graphics. What has this world come to? Wait. Wait. Zombie Hero. So, is the player the heroes OF the zombies?! This game makes NO sense.

Garbage Score: Please stop making zombie things/3
Age of Developer: Old enough to think zombies are still a “thing.”
Development Time: Two days.

ANIME BONER!
I wish the developer of this game would have kept this game to himself.

Zombie Shotgun Massacre 3

I have said it once, and I will say it many more times: I hate anime. What I hate even more than anime are crappy indie games using a “hot chick” to sell copies. This game combines both together, and adds zombies just to make it even worse than it is already. The worst part of this game is that this is apparently the third game in a series. So there are two out there waiting to be mocked by these articles. Unless that has been done already. I do not really remember what I write most of the times. This is crap, anime is crap, zombies are crap. Triple crap.

Garbage Score: I should have saved that “triple crap” joke for this part of the review/3
Age of Developer: Kawaii
Development Time: Desu

Oh, that's right: EVERYWHERE EVER!
Hmmmm where have I seen this before?

Deck of Heroes

I do not even care about this game. I do not even care about this “review.” Honestly. I can deal with the millions of zombie games. I can deal with the Guitar Hero and Pac-Man clones. However, I cannot deal with crappy card games. Card games are one of the easiest games to make, so I cannot understand how someone could screw that up. Also, this game looks like every other card-based game that has ever come out. The developer could not even think of an interesting or unique premise for the game. Just another generic fantasy world. Who cares….

Garbage Score: This is a depressing review/3
Age of Developer: I am sorry if I made you feel bad about your life
Development Time: I love you

7 comments

  1. Deck of Heroes is a blatant Hearthstone knock-off, done with all of the polish that one would expect from a mentally disabled oyster.

    As for Zombie Heroes, surely that is just a picture of the PS3 XMD on the fritz?

  2. That first screenshot reminds me of a fantasy I often had as a child, one which entertained me while I stood in line at the grocery store, awkwardly minding the cart because my mom forgot bread or whatever. In this fantasy, a tiny meteor would rocket through the ceiling, heading straight for those red toy dispensers that were always hungry for my quarters. The largest of these red dispensers was filled to the brim with bouncy balls, and just happened to be in the direct path of the little meteor. Back then, I only understood physics enough to know that those happy bouncy balls flying everywhere was the very definition of great fun.

  3. Bup’s final Indie Games Round-Up will be a live stream of him smiling at the camera, and then shooting himself in the head.

  4. There there~ Bup *massages shoulders* . . oh wait . . do you hate RP-ing too? *runs*

  5. @Reese: Bup hates everything. You, me, RPing, everything.

    Except farts.

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