Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 25

I have seen the light. I have seen the future. Steam Greenlight is the light. Steam Greenlight is the future. All hail Steam Greenlight. Long live Steam Greenlight. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the games in question.

Wait, why is there a random dragon statue in the middle of a field?
Even this dragon statue is bland.

Cetetorius – First Episode

Ever want to play a game that combines the graphics of Minecraft with the game play of Skyrim? No? Good, because this game gives the illusion that it combines both when in fact it combines crap with garbage. The developer of this should have just named this “Open World Block Game #8768.” There is nothing special about this game. The graphics are bland, the world is bland, and I am sure the gameplay is bland. I also would not be surprised if this “open world” took about five minutes to explore with like three dungeons. Three bland dungeons. Every game on Steam Greenlight is bland. The world is bland. Life…. is bland.

Best Comment: charles: “Want to have Chinese” (Author’s Note: I also would like to eat some Chinese food, but I am not sure what that has to do with this game.)

Just mention Herobrine and they'll run away.
Oh no! Two Minecraft characters are attacking me!

Px0915 – Mutation

What?! Another crappy-looking zombie game using assets from the Unity game engine?! Impossible? Not on Steam Greenlight! For those who need clarification: the Unity game engine is a free-to-download program that allows one to create their own game using pre-rendered assets. Much like RPG Maker, except less anime. Both are horrible. The Unity and RPG Maker game engines are a bane to the indie development scene. Someone needs to tell these “developers” that quantity does not equal quality. Do not get me wrong: some of these games created could be decent. However, a majority of them are complete garbage that should be flushed down a toilet never to be seen again. That toilet is Steam Greenlight. Oh wait, the developer claims this game is not using the Unity engine? It still looks like crap, so who cares?

Best Comment: Pb. Emperos: “Yes, if this was 1992…”

Gotta jump on that turtle.
Super Wizard Bros.

Blood Wizard

So far through our Steam Greenlight adventures we have seen Minecraft clones, Call of Duty clones, and every RPG Maker game ever made. This is the first time we have seen a Mario Bros. clone. This game involves the player surviving for 60 seconds in a 2D space. That is it. Nothing more. This game will be fun for maybe like five minutes, and then it will either get incredibly boring or impossibly hard. Actually, I have a feeling this will be the next Dark Souls or Bloodborne game. Soon we will all see a million Twitch streams of this pile of garbage. This is why Steam Greenlight is the future.

Best Comment: SNValadez: “Whoa…for a second I thought the creator was ‘Markiplier”! I was thinking, “WHAAATTTT?!'”

4 comments

  1. I think you should make a list of games and categorize them based on graphics, gameplay, story, and overall fun. Then a list of junk games to avoid.

  2. I agree. In addition to fancifully evaluating these, you should be forced to categorise and quantify them still further. In fact, anything that requires you to spend more time with Greenlight games is, in my opinion, all to the good!

  3. I, myself, love playing Cetetorius – First Episode, and I’ve played for a long time. Love encountering some wonderful adventures and fighting against dangerous monsters. All look so great.

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