Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 28

Green. Green can mean many positive things. It is the color of money. The color indicating “Go” on a traffic light. It can even symbolize the “American Dream” or a deep desire, depending on how one interprets its meaning. Steam Greenlight, however, has nothing positive. In fact, Steam Greenlight should rename itself Steam “Brownlight,” because all it does it shovel out crap. Crap that I have to sort every week. As always these “reviews” are written without actually playing the games in question and with 100% bias.

Did the developer even try?
How can I customize this game to delete from my memory?

Generic Shooter: The Game

At first I had to do a double-take, because I was not sure if this is the new Call of Duty game or not. The similarities are just too striking. Seriously, did the developer even try when he made this game? Did he think it would be “ironic” and “funny,” so people would look past the fact that it is complete and utter garbage and should never have seen the light of day? Oh, and ever wanted to see crap in the making? You are in luck, because the developer live streams the making of this game on Twitch! Good job, Twitch!

Best Comment: Whitefang48: “Generic shit looks like shit”

The Preposterous Awesomeness of Everything Screenshot
The Preposterous Awesomeness of Everything Screenshot

The Preposterous Awesomeness of Everything

This is… something? This game seems like the developer just threw a bunch of ideas into a bag, threw that bag at a wall covered in glue, and just went with what stuck. While this author is glad to see the point-and-click adventure game genre coming back, he would much rather see GOOD games bring it back. Not random, stupid garbage like this. “Hey, this character has a huge head! LOL!” In fact, this game is the “LOL” meme face personified into a game. The best part about this game is that the developer listed its play time of “2-3 hours” as a “feature.” I suppose it is a feature that one would not have to be tortured by it for too long. “Irrelevant duck LOL!!!!”

Best Comment: Button Mash: “LOL! So Random! Play my game PewDiePie!”

Turtles r kewl!
I like turtles!

Tower Defense: Multiplayer Edition

Another generic tower defense game. One could just leave this “review” at that. However, the developer goes on to boast why this game TOWERS (see what I did there?) over other games in the same genre. Features such as “improved graphics!” Yes, graphics that look like they were ripped right out of the original Diablo and Fallout games. Other features include “well-designed towers with unique abilities” and “a ton of different creeps.” Whoa. Let me stop you right there. Creeps? Like, pervert creeps? Is this a game in which the player defends his or her home from the armies of sexual predators out to do unspeakable things to their family?! If so, that just means it truly is just another generic tower defense game. A crappy one at this, since it is on Steam Greenlight.

Best Comment: Mr. Gentleman: “Well, why not just make a Warcraft or Starcraft mod? It’s easier and more people will play it. Oh wait i forgot $$$”

8 comments

  1. [PROTIP]: Buy all these games and then ask for a refund! :D

  2. The colour green can signify the American Dream? What?

    1. “Hat Colour: Blue” — That is not blue.

    2. Memes are not games and they are not funny after about three seconds. Trying to make a game out of memes is the method of a moron. Also, note the “Befuddle” button. Clearly the developer thinks befuddle is a hilarious and cool word that no one uses, so it needs to be like a magic spell. My contempt for this ‘game’ is boundless.

    3. Tower Defense Multiplayer Edition looks like shit and is shit. There are 10,000 different TD games out there. Why would anyone play this half-arse example?

  3. @NooB: I’ll charge them to the Lusipurr.com company credit card.

    @Lusi: Ever read The Great Gatsby? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

  4. @LegendaryApple: There is no meaning to all this. That’s why he reviews them. It’s perfect for him.

    @Bup: That’s the most reductive understanding of– you know what, I’m not even going to bother.

  5. Bup, please tell me all about The Great Gatsby. I’m studying for a quiz.

  6. @Mel: Some dude wants to bang some chick and he sees a green light coming from across a lake and it makes him horny so everyone dies.

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