Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 31

Another week has gone by and another slew of horrible, worthless Steam Greenlight games have come out. Will we finally see the fabled “good Steam Greenlight” game? Nope! As always these reviews are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Ugh, this looks awful.

Every blueberry dreams of crossing this river… one day…

Frusker’s Countdown

This is a game where uh… I think it is like a crappy version of Frogger? Except the player is some sort of blueberry-looking magician or Scrooge McDuck wannabe. I am assuming this blueberry create is the titular “Frusker,” which sounds like a really, REALLY degrading sexual act one would perform. Also there is some sort of angry looking flower who would probably beat me up if I met it in real life and a cloud that looks like he has a prison-style teardrop tattoo on it. You can also tell this game is REALLY “good” because the developer is going to “completely overhaul” the art. Oh, wait this game has a Kickstarter? That basically cements its place in the crappy Steam Greenlight game category.

Best Comment: epicbapplizer: “Well, it’s not the worst. Not the best, but a bit of polishing and this could be mediocre.”

Home of the Bland City Blandness!

Welcome to Bland City!

Tkl Online 3D

Another indication your game is “good” is when the start screen reads: “Prees Any Key to Start.” Hey, where is the “Any” key, am I right?! Haha now that I got that dad joke out of the way we can talk more about this game: it is crap. An MMORPG created with the Unity engine. Which means it will look incredibly bland and crash every two minutes. You will find one other person in this “MMO” world, who is most likely the “developer” or a friend of the “developer” who was too nice to tell his friend the game is crap and nobody wants to play it. However, the start screen DOES have cats on it, so I cannot fault it for that…

Best Comment: Kara L Burnett: “=D nice! very child friendly as well.” (I have a feeling this person is a pedophile.)

Actually, this might be the best Sonic game in years...

Gotta delete this game fast!

Labyrinth Simulator

As I like to do from time-to-time I am just going to copy this “game’s” description and make my little snarky comments.

“Hold your underwear because you are travelling to a glorious world.” Yes, a world full of broken physics, bland-looking assets, and a game you will never play! “A place that jump scares never end.” Until the game randomly crashes on you because even the “developer” never thought someone would play this game. “A Co-Op mode will be avaible…” Nope, I did not mistype that. The description actually has that spelling mistake. “…where labyrinths generated randomly and you can play with your friend !” Who will most likely no longer be your friend after you force them to play this crap. “Your vote helps us bring the greatest heroes of the internet memes to your computer.” Pepe confirmed! “You can help filthy peasants to find the true way PC MASTER RACE or you can bomb the headquarters of Ulliminati.” Ah, the elusive “Ulliminati,” less known but more powerful than the “Illuminati.” “It is dangerous to go alone in this world,…” Cool Zelda reference, bro! “…you will get the help of Ulliminati of course.” Wait, I thought we were bombing these guys but now they are our friends? I think the story director of this “game” needs to look this over again.

Best Comment: roguemouser: “Wasn’t this a Windows 98 Screensaver?”

9 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 31”

  1. Get the golden rings and with the help of/in spite of the Ulluminati!

    I would like to see you do a full playthrough of Frusker. I imagine level 2 is XXX-rated and involves illegal acts.

    That MMO is the ugliest thing I have seen in ages.

  2. Ferchu: Q

    Lusi: If Frusker gets Greenlit, I vow to stream a playthrough of it. And least until I get to the point where I want to kill myself.. so like a five minute stream.

  3. @Bup: I will watch every minute of that, up until you are ready to kill yourself.

    What’s your preferred method of suicide? Gun, razor, pills, or noose? Gas yourself with your car? Or do you have something truly unique up your sleeve?

  4. @Mel: How many baked beans do we need to donate to get this to happen?

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