Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 32

Another week and another group of horrible Steam Greenlight games. Honestly, I think these are some of the worst I have every seen grace the hallowed halls of Greenlight. Oh, did I say hallowed? I meant putrid. As always, these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the games in question.

More like BUTT on BUTT, am I right?!

We have to stop all this block on block violence.

Symphonic Mayhem

This game is described as a fast paced, top down shooter. More like you will be fast-paced in deleting this game from your hard drive and will have to put the top down of your toilet bowl due to all the vomiting you will perform after playing this game. Vomiting because the game is horrible. That will smell. Vomit usually smells. Unless you are a girl, in which case you do not vomit. Wait, is that pooping and farting? Right, girls do not poop or fart. They vomit. Almost constantly, but that might just be when I am around. What was I talking about again? Oh, this crappy game. Who cares, this game sucks. NEXT!

Best Comment: maniosッ: “This game looks very interesting and unique, I’d love to help be a part of it. I could help you create a logo or any other graphic you may need for your game, free of course. Please let me know, upvoted!” (Idiot.)

Why? WHYYYYY?!

I-I do not even know what to say…

JimZ

There are only two sentences in this game’s description: “JimZ is a open world game with zombies. Any reference with anyone live or dead is not deliberate.” As always, I did not make a mistype. The game’s description says “live or dead.” I wonder if it was deliberate to make this game look absolutely awful. Obviously this game was made to mock this “JimZ” person. Who should probably now check himself into the hospital for getting burned so hard.

Best Comment: StealThyPie: “As a developer who uses Unity, I’m getting really fuckin’ sick of people who buy a template, don’t change it a lick, and then try to pass it as if they’ve made a game.” (That IS every Unity game.)

Meow! Purr!

Ohh, cats!

The enigma of Boa

This game has the player trying to stop his and his neighbor’s houses from being torn down to make way for an amusement park. So, I am pretty sure it is the story of Disneyland, Disney World, or basically stolen from the beginning of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Here are some key “features” of the game: “Music and tunes by the great musician Andreas Meilicke.” Who? “I drew almost all of it (95%)” Keep your day job, kid. “More than 3 hours of gameplay!” So, like four? Will anyone even want to play for that long? The answer is no.

Best Comment: cooLdealios: “Please, no. The art style looks god awful, you mixed NES puke green grass with MS Paint trees.”

6 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 32”

  1. The first game is stolen directly from the Atari 2600. It was called “Combat!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIHqyfewiCg

    The second game uses a picture of Jim Sterling as its face texture. That’s actually illegal and the game should be pulled. There’s no legal defence in using an actual picture of a real person and then claiming that the resemblance to that person is ‘not deliberate’.

    As for the third game: what the fuck is even happening?

  2. @Lusi: I had to look up Jim Sterling. I guess whoever made that game got really butthurt by him.

  3. @Bup: I envy the bliss of not knowing who that fat idiot is.

    I wonder how many other rip-offs of Atari 2600 games are on Greenlight. Didn’t you show us a Frogger rip-off last week?

  4. I thought Jim Sterling was part of a heavy metal band, after a google search I find out that he wasn’t .

  5. What a pile of absolute shit. This is one of the very worst roundup groups. But it’s an amusing and entertaining article, as always.

Comments are closed.