Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 34

This is it. Another week of Steam Greenlight. Another week of wishing for the sweet release of death. Another week of Lusipurr madly laughing in my face when I ask him if I can do something other than review crappy games. Another week. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the games in question.

So fartsy...

So artsy…

ForkSimulator

We have a game where the player controls a slice of bread, so it is really not a surprise that someone would make one in which the player controls a fork. That is all. I feel that this game would actually be fun, but for like 10 minutes. Similar to Goat Simulator. It is a unique idea, but the graphics are terrible and it is definitely not worth the cost of admission. That cost being your eternal soul. Also, notice all the screenshots are just of the fork stuck in a stump in some fog. I am pretty sure that is as far as the developer has gotten with this game and then decided to post it on Greenlight. Another example of how Greenlight is a complete joke to the PC gaming world.

Best Comment: Silent hill 118 (ITA): “GET OUT OF HERE SIMULATOR!” (Yeah, I wish, buddy!)

Naw, the real treasure is SEEEEEXXXXXX!!!!

The real treasure is all the friendships you will make in your life…

Find Treasure

You know you are ready to post your game on Steam Greenlight when all you have to show is a screenshot of generic, Unity Engine forest trees. This posting does not even have a video trailer to go along with it, which last I checked is a requirement to even post your game on Greenlight. I would not be surprised if this game is taken down before this article even is posted. In fact, I HOPE that happens. I hope all of Greenlight is taken down so I never have to “review” these games ever again. What a wonderful world that would be…

Best Comment: Dragon: “This is terrible. Why would you submit this?” (Idea: a point-and-click adventure game where the player controls a detective trying to find a good Steam Greenlight game.)

I just want to see Steam Greenlight burn.

Some men just want to see the world burn.

Perihelion

“Perihelion – a game in which you will create a civilization on your planet and destroy the enemy of the Galactic Federation!” Yes, I am sure this “Galactic Federation” has a single enemy. Just one. No more. “Have you imagine how you will grow from some captain of the Army of Death to the hero of the whole galaxy?” No, I have never “imagine” how to do this. In fact, I do not even know what that statement is even supposed to mean. “Now it’s your turn to get the war upside down and bring the end of this.” Oh… okay. I 100% understand what this says and means. Yes, this looks like an AMAZING game.

Best Comment: Boonty: “Ok Thanks” (You’re welcome!)

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 34”

  1. Pretty abstract this week. We wouldn’t know what the scum lining the bottom of the barrel looked like if it wasn’t for you. Thanks! By the way, I listened to an old MAP where Bup constantly trashes Emotok, and it was quite funny.

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