Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 37

Wow, what a week it has been! I have spent the whole week searching Steam Greenlight for the worst of the worst. I did not have to go far, as these three games were right on the front page of the “Most Recent” submissions. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Yeah, I love when my game's UI is completely confusing and gives me a headache.

Would some military nerd explain what’s going on here for me? Thanks!

Sub Chase

Supposedly this is a submarine combat simulator that is made for the “casual gamer,” but based off the attached screenshot I very much doubt that. I also do not think there is really a big demand for a sub simulator, short of that 3DS game Miyamoto made for the system’s launch. I do remember my friend’s dad used to play some FMV submarine game on the PC back in the 90’s. One of the missions had the choice of firing at the enemy or grabbing a cup of coffee. He had us “help” him play and we decided to get the coffee. It caused the enemy to fire first and everyone aboard our sub died. Basically what I am saying is that if I were aboard a sub in this Steam Greenlight game, I would want my captain to choose coffee over saving everyone on the sub. Especially since this game looks like the beta for a Newgrounds flash game. I am just surprised there are no jump scares or random, stock “creepy” ghost pictures.

Best Comment: thewillsykes: “The video does not play correctly on my mac client (ask me later)” (Be thankful it did not work in the first place and never come back.)

Why do all these developers think they can steal Minecraft's art style and it will end up being good?

I also wish I could take a helicopter out of this game.

Mad Squad

It just would not be a Steam Greenlight Round-Up without the typical Minecraft clone. This one is totally different because it adds platforming to the list of game design stolen from other games. The game’s description says it has a “unique game mechanic.” Which, as one can easily guess, is totally untrue as this mechanic is “energy waves to keep off your foes.” Yes, that is right, folks: energy waves are the “unique” game mechanic in this Minecraft clone! The game also describes itself as having “detailed” 3D worlds, but based off the screenshot I have a feeling that is also not true. I am not sure in what universe a blocky, generic world can be considered “detailed.” To make things even better the developer of the game even has the hubris to start a Kickstarter to fund this stolen game. Somehow the game has actually raised about 10% of its intended goal as of the writing of this article. However, Mad Squad does live up to its name, as I am very MAD it exists at all. Hahaha, get it? Mad Squad? Mad? Hahaha I made a funny!

Best Comment: poot buurd: “……..i have nothing to say neither good nor bad” (Then why even comment on this game?)

but that other bad is sad that it is slowed? What is even going on here?

Okay, so Robin Hood just threw an apple at that one bat and it is really happy…

Faron’s Fate

To top off this week’s article we have a clone of The Binding of Issac, which is basically just a clone of every rouge-like game ever made. In fact, this game seems to not only be a clone of that, but also of A Wizard’s Lizard and The Legend of Zelda. The only difference is that this game looks like a pile of garbage. Actually, let us check the game’s description and see what the differences are: “Faron’s Fate is an action- roguelike about a lone adventurer venturing into a dungeon full of dangerous monsters and rare artifacts.” So far nothing new. “Enter a procedurally generated dungeon…” So, just like every other rouge-like game. “…fight for your life, and collect weapons, loot, and armor along the way.” I have a feeling there will be maybe five sets of each, but all looking pretty much the same other than the hue of their color. “By combining components…” Aka stealing. “…of The Binding of Isaac and The Legend of Zelda with classic RPG elements, Faron’s Fate creates a unique…” Nope! “…action- packed experience where no two playthroughs are alike.” I have a feeling one thing will be the same: they will both be dull and boring. If the player can even stomach a second playthrough in the first place! The developer is even kind enough to provide a link where the potential player can buy the game with no unique content. How sweet!

Best Comment: Cyberbrickmaster86: “Looks like a poor mans version of A Wizard’s Lizard. Sorry, but I’m not interested.” (Hey, I said that too!)

7 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 37”

  1. ATTACK OF THE CLONES!

    Actually, I hate to say this, but I think these games are getting… better? This is an improvement over last week!

    The military gauges game reminds me of playing Silent Service on the NES.

    The helicopter game reminds me of playing Choplifter on the Atari.

    The RPG thing reminds me of playing Neverwinter Nights (the original one) for DOS.

  2. Maybe I just messed up and picked three of the decent-looking games on Greenlight. Next time they will be better! Or worse. Whichever one.

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