Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 38

Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in! Well, nobody really “pulled me out.” In fact, Lusipurr just kind of pushed me further into my Steam Greenlight dungeon. A dungeon of disgust that I fear I may never escape. This week finds us a crappy, generic Call of Duty clone, a crappy, generic Skyrim clone, and a crappy, generic Zelda clone. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Or at least a tunnel to the release of sweet, sweet death.

I hope this is a tunnel to leaving this game!

Power Mongering

We all know that every first-person-shooter fan is always looking to see how the next iteration of their favorite series is going to turn out. They always speculate on how it could be better, what things could be changed, or what new additions are horrible. You know what they DO NOT argue over? How boring the game looks. The three screenshots attached to this entry show pretty much the exact same room, with the exact same architecture, with the exact same blandness. I feel like I am going to fall asleep just from looking at these locations. To top that off there is not even a video attached to this entry, which is a rule when it comes to posting a game on Steam Greenlight. I cannot wait until this entry is removed from the universe. One of the best parts about this entry is this section from the description: “…[The player} will be able to build fortifications and shielding structures, with the props that are available in the environment.” So, that means the players will build their bases and then never leave them until the time runs out. Sounds like fun!

Best Comment: Tryyton: “reported! goodbye” (Actually this entry has SO many good comments on it. Read them all!)

trollface.jpg

“Get out! Get out of this game while you still can!”

Champions of Odin

Wow, where does one even begin with this one? Hmmm, let us go down the Skyrim clone list: Fantasy world? Check. First-person perspective? Check. Various supernatural creatures, such as trolls, goblins, ice monsters, etc.? Check. Graphics that look worse that Oblivion? Check and DOUBLE check! This is so similar that I am surprise Bethesda does not already have a lawsuit against it. I also pretty sure this game was entirely made using the Unity engine, which makes it even worse. Actually, this game is basically the living embodiment of Steam Greenlight: a crappy looking clone of an immensely popular game made using the Unity engine.

Best Comment: DOGE: “inb4 GOTY” (I love dank memes too, bro.)

Or maybe he just finally realized that he is stuck in the endless living death that is Steam Greenlight.

Maybe he found the way out of this game?

Infinitrap

More like “InfiniCRAP,” am I right? Get it? No? O-okay… This game is so bad I cannot think of anything to say about it other than to make my little comments about the description. “FEATURES:” I have a feeling these will NOT really be “features.” “Gamepad support.” You know, alternate play styles for the game you already do not want to play. “20 challenging levels.” The real challenge will be to actually play more than 20 seconds. “A full-featured level editor.” Can I make a level that deletes this game from both mine and my computer’s memory? “Custom levels support.” I do not.. I do not know what this means. Like, if you have an issue with playing a custom level they will help? “The game is HARD :)” Yes, hard to no go insane from! “Run on Linux, Windows, OSX..” Wait, you cannot end that statement with “..” There are WAY too many formats to just leave that statement open-ended. “NO paid DLC ever.” Well, yeah. Why would anyone want to pay for this crap in the first place?

Best Comment: daniel.mantione: “I would play this if it were for free, but I am going to open my wallet for it. So it is a no vote at this time, but it can become a yes,” (Wait, you “would play this game if it were for free,” and you are “going to open my wallet for it,” but it still gets a no from you? That does not even make sense.)

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 38”

  1. Okay, these are DEFINITELY getting better. We’re only a few weeks from a competent Call of Duty clone, I expect!

    Power Mongering: IN THE FUTURE… the world is an endless stainless steel corridor. Only you can save humanity by not playing this game.

    Champions of Odin: “A crappy looking clone of an immensely popular game made using the Unity engine.” I couldn’t have said it better myself so I’m not going to try. I will ask: what does this have to do with Odin? Or Norse Mythology? Or anything fun?

    Infinitrap: At least the name is something like honesty in advertising. It looks like a shitty roguelike with terrible pixel art. And guess what: that’s what it is.

  2. Hey, Erwin Rommel thinks Power Mongering is cool! However, I think it’s just a few concept graphics for a game which will never exist.

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