Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 41

Steam Greenlight continues to prove itself as the bottom of the barrel when it comes to video games. Actually, these games are so bad they are not even the bottom of the barrel: they are the dirt and scum that congregates under the barrel. One day my fight will end and we will destroy this evil, but only if we work together. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Videogames are the cause of all evil in the world. Follow @momsagainstgaming today.

Typical White Male Gamer

Sandra and Woo in the Cursed Adventure

Finally. Finally someone has made a game based off the incredibly popular webcomic Sandra and Woo. Oh, what was that you asked? What is Sandra and Woo? Oh, I have no clue. According to this game’s description it is a “popular” webcomic, so I just wanted to act cool and pretended I know what it is. The descriptions of the characters are hilarious. It is almost as if the creator of the comic just threw darts at ideas and then combined them to create this comic. I imagine the creation process went like this: “Okay, so we have a girl. She has a pet raccoon. Is that ‘random’ enough? No, so the raccoon should talk. Oh, and she can have an artsy friend, but the friend is also a pyromaniac. Yeah, that is goo… NO! She will also have a friend who is an Asian freedom fighter. Shoot, I have to cater to the ‘nerd’ crowd, right? Okay, so that last friend will be named after a video game character. Perfect! Ship it out! The perfect amount of random…”

Best Comment: daniel.mantione: “I would have voted yes if the game would have been available for Linux, but since it isn’t, the only honest answer to wether I will buy it is a no.” (Install Linux; problem solved.)

I'm gonna hack you!

Who are you and why are you in MY prison?!

Prisoner Tambo

“Adam Tambo, a groovy, cool, and smart guy, suddenly wakes up in a strange, mysterious prison.” Convicts are NOT “groovy, cool, OR smart.” Remember that, kids. “Having never seen a computer, he is surprised to realize he is able to hack into them easily.” Wait, so is this a world in which computers have never been released to the public? If so, why does this one prison have one? Unless computers are as widely used as they are in our world, but for whatever reason this guy has never even “seen” one. I guess he really is not THAT smart. “Unbeknownst to him at the time, this hacking ability, is what could ultimately lead him to his escape!” Well, yeah. If he has never seen a computer before of course he would not know this. “Throughout his journey, he will find that he is not alone. Are the others like him? Do they want to escape? Can he trust them?” Why is it such a revelation that he is not alone. I mean, this IS a prison, so one would assume there are other prisoners. Oh, this is a crappy Steam Greenlight game trying to compensate by acting super mysterious? Not surprising. “Adam will groove his way to his escape. Like a bird flying high in the sky, he will hack, swing, and dodge the obstacles that stand in his way!” Whoa. Wait. Now he can fly? When did that happen?! Also, “groove” is not a verb.

Best Comment: Ferengi: “Screenshots not in 16:9 ratio, game is very plain and looks like a assest pack instead of a game.” (Hehehe “Ass.”)

Get it? Because Chris Hardwick gives away points in the game. Yeah, this is a stretch. I know.

Points? What is this the video game version of @midnight?

Your World

Wow, a unique, sandbox God game which allows the player to create his or her own world and control its inhabitants. Wait, maybe “unique” is not the correct word for this. I think I meant to say “boring,” “trite,” or “crap.” As I have proven week after week all of Steam Greenlight is complete crap, but what makes this game the crappiest of the crap is the fact that it not only claims to be “unique,” when it is in fact just like every God game on the market, but also the “developer” made his or her own assets in MS Paint. Always a good start to your game. Not only can one play in “Classic” mode, but the potential player can also play in “Survival” and “Conquest” mode! What does any of these modes mean and why is there a “Classic” mode in the first iteration of a game? Who knows? Who cares? Just delete this game from the internet!

Best Comment: numbforplayin: “You should improve the grafics alot because it kinda seems like you put no effort in it.” (This is one of like 20 comments saying the graphics are not good. Duh. It is MS Paint.)

1 comment on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 41”

  1. Sandra Woo is an objectionable reference to Sandy Hook. The game makers should be caught and arraigned!

    Prisoner Tambo looks like that Shakespeare video skit that you made for English class during your first year in college and no one had proper costumes so people just wore bits of their parents old clothing.

    Your World is shit.

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