Editorial: Bigfoot, Mothman, and the Loch Ness Monster Walk into a Bar

Who remembers Kingdom Hearts 2? I sure as hell don't.

Kingdom Hearts II

On 28 March, 2002, Kingdom Hearts was released and spurred into a multi-game franchise that has sold over twenty-five million copies worldwide. Over thirteen years later, a third entry in the main series has yet to have a definite release date despite being teased as early as 10 June, 2013. Tetsuya Nomura, the current director of Kingdom Hearts 3, stated his regret on the matter, saying, “Since the release of Kingdom Hearts 2, I believe that many fans were feeling impatient due to our continuous releases of spin-off titles, so we decided to announce it at the same time as Final Fantasy XV. However, looking at the current development status, I think we may have announced it a little too early.” Considering that not even a release window for Kingdom Hearts 3 has been announced, it is fairly simple to count Nomura’s statement as an understatement.

However, this does not mean that fans must wait until then for a Kingdom Hearts game. Kingdom Hearts X, originally a browser-based game, will be coming to smartphones in North America sometime in 2015. The game’s story supposedly contains events set before the infamous Keyblade War that instigated the plot of the Kingdom Hearts franchise. Obviously, this will satisfy fans growing requests for a new Kingdom Hearts game, which is what is desired instead of the recent remakes that have been coming out under the titles Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 ReMIX and Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 ReMIX (which contained the original games in glorious HD along with Final Mix content previously unreleased in North America). –That is, if fans wanted a new smartphone-only game with micro-transactions and subjectively eye-sore inducing artwork.

Dream Drop Distance. That's three Ds. Get it? THREE-Ds. 3D! HO HO HO! HA HA HA! HEE HEE HEE! Oh! The cleverness! The wit! For 3DS! Ohh hohohohoho...

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

If otherwise, it is very possible that the upcoming game Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue could satisfy angry fans with an HD remake of the 3DS exclusive Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, a series of HD cinematics with new information regarding the history of the series entitled Kingdom Hearts X Back Cover, and finally a short episode set immediately after the Final Mix’s ending of Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep which will reportedly last around the same time as a single world in an average entry in the Kingdom Hearts series under the name Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep-A Fragmentary Passage. The full game is set to release in 2016 and, until then, fans will most likely continue to wrap their heads around the game’s absurd title. Nomura did state a reasoning for the number 2.8, observing that the actual HD remake of the 3DS title is considered 2.6 while the additional Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep story is worth around 0.2, and the absence of Sora in the planned HD cinematics makes them equivalent to 0. Adding these numbers together does in fact add up to 2.8, but it is still a mouthful to say Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue.

The future of the Kingdom Hearts series is as mysterious as its origin. The very idea of Square Enix characters mingling with those of Disney is still an absurd one and, in the past, the story has not been afraid to take influences from Star Wars. Surely, considering the overwhelming support thus far, fans will wait with bated breath for the next entry, and it is up to them to respond to what can only be described as a hostage situation regarding Kingdom Hearts 3.

What do you think about the newest “Kingdom Hearts” game heading to the Playstation 4? How long have you waited for Kingdom Hearts 3 and how much longer can you wait until you give up? Make sure to share your voice in the comments below. Tune in next week for more!

11 comments on “Editorial: Bigfoot, Mothman, and the Loch Ness Monster Walk into a Bar”

  1. Look, I’m not going to lie: I don’t even know what Kingdom Hearts is.

  2. I’m not sure if you’re talking about the series or the object within the series, but either way they’re both extremely convoluted and I still don’t have a firm grasp on their actual definition. For the former I can say a weird game series that mixes Square Enix characters and Disney characters that at some points becomes very similar to Star Wars. The latter is a giant moon in the shape of heart that has powers, I think.

  3. @Adeki: Okay, slow down.

    Let’s start at the beginning. What kind of square? Enoch’s?

  4. Okay, so Enoch’s Square and then what, Disney? Like Song of the South?

  5. Hmm.
    I’d like to see a some Square Eunuchs singing hits from Song of the South. That would probably represent an improvement for the video game industry, and no one has done it before.

  6. I played the first Kingdom Hearts back in the early 00s and felt very indifferent about it. I could see what they were trying for, but it didn’t grab me. When 2 came along, it brought more Square absurdity than Disney cartoonishness, and resonated with my 20-something self. Largely I enjoyed the boss fights and fantastical sword play, as I’m a fan of that Advent Children stupid-gravity, stupid-physics nonsense.

    I’m not holding my breath for 3, but neither am I ignoring it. When it drops, I’ll probably wait abit, then eventually give it a whirl when there’s nothing better to play. I might say the same about this HD remake of the 3DS game.

    Square really doesn’t make it easy to be a fan of any of their franchises, that’s for sure. The wait time between major titles is bad enough. The wait time for major entries into series that are actually worth playing can be a decade.

  7. So whose Kingdom is it?

    Trolling Adeki aside, I cannot stand the Kingdom Hearts games. Playing the first, the action battle system is like Zelda, but with every ounce of fun drained from it, leaving only a dessicated corpse behind. The characters and plot are garbage; the music forgettable. I found it a bad time. I tried KH2 a few years after it came out, and it served only to remind me of how much I hated the first game. At that point, I decided never to touch another KH title again. That policy has worked marvelously for me so far, and so I recommend it to everyone.

  8. I see Kingdom hearts games as popcorn, they are good for a while but I don’t even try to eat much of that too often

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