Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 47

Early November is my favorite time of year. The crisp, cool air of Autumn always smells nice to me. The weather in my area is cold, but not too cold like Winter. The perfect weather to curl up next to a nice fire, put on your favorite sweater, and read a good book. That is, if Lusipurr would let me out of my cell every once in a while. I have not seen daylight for months. I am not even sure it actually IS early November as Lusipurr took away my calendar a while ago. He said it was because time and dates are a man made concept and he does not want me reading any of that propaganda. Anyway, here are three crappy Steam Greenlight games. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

What a pathetic existence.

Run Away! We’re in a crappy Steam Greenlight game!”

HungerZ

Hmmm, where have we seen this game before? Oh, that is right: it is basically just Minecraft meets DayZ meets Rust. One would think that copying once super popular game and two unfinished popular games would be a bad idea. One would be right. As some readers may already know both DayZ and Rust are famously unfinished games that were released on Steam as alpha titles. At least let these games get finished before stealing their concepts, people! Essentially this is a zombie survival game (DayZ) with some crafting elements, such as bases and tools (Minecraft and Rust), with really crappy block graphics (Minecraft). This is not an original concept. This is not even a concept that this game does right. It is just another crappy clone with crappy graphics and no one will play. Oh and according to a few of the comments this is just someone stealing assets from a different Unity-based game about zombies. So there is a fourth game it stole from. Also, enjoy the garbled English in the game’s description on the Greenlight entry. “Keep your gun alredy to shoot, your life will thank you.” “Dangerours Enemies.” “The undeads are waiting of your, also your fresh meat. Either your run or you face the undead by using a variety of weapons.” At least get someone to correct your game’s grammar before you show it off!

Best Comment: GregMachina: “UnityZ asset flip. C’mon dev, you can do better than this…” (I highly doubt that.)

But Stupid!

Very interesting!

Phone_GA

Honestly, I am not even sure how to describe this game. It seems like you play as the developer of mobile games, but it also seems like it would be the most boring thing to play. Ever. I would rather watch paint dry than play this crap. Here is the game’s description: “The gameplay of the game is to earn money to buy new devices and earn more to buy more new devices and eventually hitting in the hacker community HackerZ you will be able… to take over the world!!!” What. Seriously. What does this even mean? How is developing mobile games going to help you take over the world. Wait, are you a hacker now? When did this happen? What is even going on here? “The plot of the game is almost there, well only you were a normal person and decided to become a hacker.” Hey, do not be racist: hackers are people too. It is 2015. Hackers can get married. Again: what does this mean? What do you mean by “the plot of the game is almost there…” and then you describe the “plot” immediately after. This has to be the most confusing Greenlight game I have ever “reviewed.” “The game was developed by one person: Dmitry Suhankin. Developed it 9 months, during which the developer has done a great and interesting game.” Whoa, wait. Hold up. Sorry, Dmitry, but you cannot review your game in the game’s description. In fact, you cannot review your game at all, as you are more biased than I am. Oh, and apparently this is the third or fourth time this guy has submitted this game. It seems like either his entries are deleted by the community mods or by himself. Either way, always a good sign for your game!

Best Comment: Squadalaxd®: “crap” (I could not agree more.)

2 Santa 4 me.

SPOOKY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Night Shift

I could easily just “review” this game by saying it is just a crappy, flash-based copy of Five Nights At Freddy’s, but I will not. There is SO much more to talk about in this game. Instead of a security guard in a restaurant the player takes control of a security guard at an insane asylum. An insane asylum that seems to only cater to those who have Christmas-based mental issues. The game’s description even says, “Christmas is always the busiest time of year at the Asylum!” Why? You kind of need to explain this if you are going to make this claim. The game’s description also boosts that it includes “a whole new depth of gameplay to the survival night shift game.” Here are some examples of this: ” An interactive map console where you can open and close doors around the asylum. Use the doors to prevent the patients reaching you!” Five Nights at Freddy’s already did this. “Patient tracker devices which allow you to monitor the patients movements on your map console.” Again, Five Nights at Freddy’s already did this. “Security cameras where you can watch the patients walking around the asylum.” Once again, Five Nights at Freddy’s did this from the beginning. “A warning alarm in your office which will alert you when a patient is approaching.” I am just going to assume that Five Nights at Freddy’s did this. I have never played that game, though. “A faulty office security door… use it wisely, and only when you really need to!” Wow, something actually new! Haha, just kidding! Five Nights at Freddy’s did this starting with the original game. So I guess the moral of this story is that there really are no new gameplay elements to this game. Not very surprising, considering this is Steam Greenlight.

Best Comment: Squadalaxd®: “oh god…” (Yep.)

8 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 47”

  1. I went to a party on Halloween and had a hangover the next day. Not really a hard concept.

  2. Ohhh yeah, halloween hangover. Way better than a thanksgiving bummer, christmas comedown, or easter withdrawals.

  3. Okay yes, I understand that, but you wrote it like it was a thing that people say, and I have never heard anyone say, ‘halloween hangover’ in my life.

  4. Also

    ALL STOP

    Phone_GA is the worst game ever mentioned on this site.

  5. @Lusi: I’m making “halloween hangover” a thing.

    Phone_GA looks like something someone who has been in a coma since 1981 would make.

  6. I hate how every zombie game now is just ‘GenerictitleZ’… These days I half expect to be mobbed by zombies each time I open ZSnes!

  7. @Bup/Lusi I think there are multiple levels of the “Halloween hangover”. For kids it’s the crash after the sugar rush from all the candy. For adults it’s your normal alcohol hangover. For dentists it’s the MOUNTAIN of money they get for taking care of all those cavities. #HalloweenHangover #YesWeCan #MakeThisAThing

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