Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 48

Today is a sad day in the history of Steam Greenlight. Today will live in infamy as a day that started a turning point in the history of Steam Greenlight. Today had no announcements that Steam Greenlight would be closing its doors for good. I guess that is just like everyday though, so it really is not that impressive. I suppose this day is not actually special and like every other Tuesday where I have to write about three crappy Steam Greenlight games. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Seems about right for Steam Greenlight.

Let’s examine this scene: two people talking, some dude hammering a porch that seems to be floating in mid-air, and some dude trying to peep on someone in the bathroom.

MushroomBallVR

Honestly, I am almost at a loss for words as to what is going on in this game. It seems to be kind of like Super Monkey Ball but your character is hunting mushrooms? Also, your character is the king of “Mushroom Land,” but they are the one who has to hunt these mushrooms and attack enemies? There are no soldiers or military to do that for you? Kind of a crappy kingdom, if you ask me. I would just bail now while you have the chance. Oh wait, there are a whooping FOUR powerups your character can use! Wow, what innovation! Apparently one can also use the Oculus Rift to play this game, which is a horrible idea because I cannot even imagine how bad those graphics would look in a VR format. The art looks like someone looked at the original Spyro game and said, “Good enough!” Seriously, what is up with that screenshot I attached to this article? Why is some dude randomly hammering a porch? A porch that is seemingly floating in mid-air. What is this sorcery?! Oh, and we are just going to ignore that guy on the right. He is obviously a peeping tom and trying to get his rocks off by seeing someone’s special “mushroom.” If you get what I’m saying, hehehehehe.

Best Comment: Dr. Face || Kaosz: “this does nothing to show me effort was put into it. The physics don’t make sense. The grapgics looks terrible. There is no geniune or unique idea put into this game. Nah thanks” (Check out the creator’s replies to these comments. Anytime someone says the graphics look crappy he comes back with something about it looking better in VR. I highly doubt that.)

I'm getting a migraine just from looking at this.

This game should come with a free bottle of Aspirin.

Payroll

Paging Scott Adams to this entry! Get it? Get the joke? See, it is funny because Scott Adams created the comic strip Dilbert and this game looks like a ripoff of that. Oh, you are too young to remember Dilbert? Basically it was a comic strip… what is a “comic strip” you ask? A “comic strip” is a form of humorous art that is featured in newspapers and other forms of…. what is a “newspaper” you ask? You know your iPad’s “News” app? Basically imagine that, but in a physical paper form. Seriously, they still exist… kind of. Look, just humor me on this and act like you believe me, okay? This way we can just move on. Thanks. Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, this game looks like garbage and I am sure plays like garbage. Literally. This game looks like someone applied a “garbage” filter in photoshop. The game looks like the textures are constantly running into errors and cannot render correctly. Either that or it is the best, and fastest, way to get a headache. You know, for those into that sort of kinky stuff.

Best Comment: Noir-Ness: “Theres retro graphics. And then there’s these graphics.” (Can these really even be considered graphics?)

LOL IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE WORDZ R SPELLED WRONG!

The only winners here are the one who don’t play this crap.

Dreamblaster!

I think we have finally found the worst game on Steam Greenlight. It is like the developer did a Google search for “popular memes,” saved everything he found, deleted it all after he “memorized” them, and copied them in his own “art” style in MS Paint. The game’s description boasts “humor and creativity bundled together for maximum awesome, dudes!” However, I have a feeling that there actually will be no “humor” or “creativity” found in this game. It is just chock full of garbage and cringe. “Speedy play that makes it easy to drop in and hop out.” I have a feeling that there will be a lot more “hopping” out than there will be “dropping” in. Unless they mean you will want to hop out of a 12th story window and drop onto the concrete after playing this.

Best Comment: Slimebeast: “You should be ashamed of yourself.” (Yes. Yes he should.)

7 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 48”

  1. MushroomBallZ already looks better than the shitty VR games in the early-to-mid-90’s, and probably has better game mechanics too. Now imagine what a horrible experience DreamBlasterZ VR would be. Is VR going to be the predecessor to A Clockwork Orange-like dystopian future?

  2. Ohmygod Payroll. That thing looks like some abortion from a Doom developer shit right there.

  3. At least with most Greenlight games the developers are actually trying. That doesn’t mean the games are good, but at least those people are putting in an effort and feel like their game is something worth showing off. Dreamblaster shows no effort and is just plain horrible. I can’t believe someone paid $100 to show this off.

  4. Doesn’t the money go to charity? If so, I openly welcome all terrible Steam Greenlight entries, and I, for one, welcome our meme overlords.

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