Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 50

Brrr, it sure is cold out there! I hope all of our American readers have a great Thanksgiving with their loved ones this year. Remember to share what you are thankful for with all who share this meal. Oh, what am I thankful for, you ask? I am thankful that I only have to write about these crappy Steam Greenlight games once a week! As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Even sentient balls cannot handle this crap.

That ball is about to fall off and die. It has the right idea.

Ball Roller

This is a game in which the play rolls a ball. That is it. The player rolls a ball and uses one button to keep its momentum going. Seriously, the game’s description goes out of its way to know the player only presses one button. This is the entire game. This is apparently what someone feels is worthy of showing off to the public at large. Also, according to some commentators on the game’s description, this is just the tutorial that Unity provides you with when you first start using the engine. Why the “developer” of this “game” thought anyone would care/buy/even want to see this is beyond me. Oh wait, this sentence from the game’s description should explain everything: “when you go there the game you can meet a lot of strange things thats gonna surprise you” It all makes sense now! Not just this game, but life itself. I now have extreme clarity in my mind and soul, and it is all thanks to the description of a Steam Greenlight game that is basically just one long sentence (Seriously, check it out. There is no punctuation in the entire description) and the final line is gibberish. I now know true peace.

Best Comment: skull_trumpet.gif: “Let’s get the ball rolling with a big, fat NO.”

Make sure to look out for the LEGO City sets too!

No! Watch out for the X-Wing LEGO sets!

Time to Shoot

Just based off this game’s screenshots I am going to assume it is about terrorists attacking a LEGO factory. I think the player is trying to defend the LEGO pieces while the terrorists are trying to steal them? I mean, that kind of makes sense. Have you seen the prices for these LEGO sets?! $50 US for a set that takes like an hour to build. I mean, I know there is a lot of engineering and planning that goes into a lot of these sets but that is ridiculous. Back in my day $50 would get me a PlayStation 2 game AND a chocolate bar. Now, keep in mind that we never ate the chocolate while playing our new game. That would just get the controller messy. I usually went for a Butterfinger or a Crunch bar. Sometimes a 100 Grand bar. Those were my favorites. Back in those days I could easily scarf down one of those chocolate bars. I was like a hog during feeding time. Now I can barely get through half of one. They are just too sweet for my tastes these days. I think it is all the GMOs or whatever that the government is putting in our food to control the population. Oh, you do not believe me? Just Google search “GMOs and Government Killing…” What was that? Oh, it’s time for my pills? Thank you very much, young lady. You know, you remind me of a sweetheart I had in high school. She had red hair, just like you, and… she… zzzzzzzzzzz.

Best Comment: Dr. B00t: “your school project looks good…i hope you get a passing grade”

Nope, I did not screw up the formatting of this picture. It was actually like this on the Greenlight page.

Pssst, hey! Click on this picture for a surprise!

Syrinx – The Temples Down

This is a first for Steam Greenlight. We have seen crappy games (a LOT of crappy games), some mediocre games, clones of other popular games, but now we have a game based off a song. The song 2112 by Rush, to be exact. According to the game’s description the player controls “Jon,” a pilot who rebels against the government of his world after the death of his brother. I am assuming at the government’s hands. I’m also assuming that these events take place in the song the game is based off of. I’m not a big enough Rush fan to know all the lyrics. I also cannot see anything in the game’s screenshots, because the developer decided to set his game’s brightness settings to “the darkness that Bane claims to be born from.” Oh, and the graphics looks like they came straight from the original Command and Conquer games. All in all, a great entry in Steam Greenlight. Which basically means it STINKS!

Best Comment: DovenGuardVI: “This looks really boring and uninspired. I’ll pass.”

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