Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 53

Hello, my friends. Peace be upon you and your loved ones. Some of you may be wondering why I am so calm and collected this week, even though I still had to “review” crappy Steam Greenlight games. That is because my mind and soul have transcended beyond hatred. I have transcended into a universal plane in which I am one with the Steam Greenlight. I AM Steam Greenlight, Steam Greenlight IS me….. Aw who am I kidding? I still hate this crap even more than ever. As always these “reviews” are written without playing the “games” in question and with 100% bias.

I bet the only thing that really works is the option to exit the game.

I would be surprised if anything works in this game.

RePete

This game looks like someone played Terraria and Braid and decided to make a game. The player apparently controls the titular “Pete,” who can create copies of himself that allows the player to solve puzzles and collect gems. What are these gems used for, you ask? Who knows? The game’s description does not let us know. I would assume Pete needs to collect enough gems to pay someone to remove this ability he has. I mean, it would freak me out for sure. I would not want to hang around with exact copies of me for even a second. WAY too freaky. Honestly, this game would not be horrible if the graphics did not look like they were ripped straight from Terraria. Oh, I get it now! “RePete!” like “repeat.” That is funny. I take back everything back I ever said about this game. We do not normally review the games here at Lusipurr.com with a numbering system, but I feel this is a special circumstance. I give this game a five out of seven: the perfect score!

Best Comment: Zeyro: “Mechanic almost copy-pasted from flash games, wasn’t a fan of it back then, not a fan now.”

Lol pot lol

#420

Pixelos

What would Steam Greenlight be without a Minecraft clone or two? This clone has the player take control of Jack, whose wife was kidnapped by the evil Dark Prince. Jack must now fight all the enemies stolen from Minecraft in order to save his beloved and continue his peaceful life surrounded by stolen Minecraft assets. This game is made even more redundant due to the fact that Minecraft actually released a story mode to the game a couple months ago. So much is stolen in this game, I would not be surprised there is a twist ending where Jack actually stole his wife from the Dark Prince. Wait, the DARK Prince? Is this the evil version of Wisconsin’s own multi-talented recording artist Prince? Is he evil because you stole this person from him? So many important questions that now need an answer. Actually, even if a single thread of that was true, there is no way this game could be considered “good.”

Best Comment: Card Farming: “looks like minecraft, but steam doesn’t have the original one so i’m assume that is nothing”

Oh, you saved me from those zombies! Thank you so much! Now check out my rockin' boobs!

Yes, the famous zombie troupe of a hot girl walking around in a sexy Christmas outfit.

Xmas Zombie Rampage

I think we can all agree that I have showcased some really bad games in this series of articles. We have seen clones of pretty much every type of popular game. However, this game… THIS game takes the cake. This is a zombie shooting game in which the player must defeat the zombies who escaped from a nearby army base. Not only did the zombies escape from the base, but they also stole all the Christmas presents! Oh no! Oh, and there are some random scantily-clad ladies thrown in there, for pretty much no reason at all. That is not the best part of the game. The game also includes such amazing features as the only weapon in the game is a shotgun, no auto-healing, no health packs, and the player only has one life to get through the entire game. This game is like Dark Souls or Bloodborne, in the sense that the game is designed to be frustrating just for the sake of being frustrating, but without including the fun parts. Again, that is not the best part about this game. The developer also feels that this game is worth charging $7-13 US. Remember that potential buyers are basically paying for images of half-naked ladies the developer probably found in a five second Google image search. One more time: NOT the best part of this game. The best part of this game is the fact that the main character’s name is… John Doom. Yes, you read that right. The first name is “John,” probably the most bland and generic name in the world. The last name is “Doom,” I would assume as a homage to the video game series of the same title, but this is a really crappy and forced homage. This. Game. Stinks.

Best Comment: Syd Sustain: “i dont know i mean i’m trying to figure out if black ops 3 is better than this”

2 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 53”

  1. This game looks like someone played Terraria and Braid and decided to make a game.
    No joke: this is the first thing I thought when I looked at the screenshot.

    The player apparently controls the titular “Pete,”
    Is it Pete, or Pete’s brother, Pete?

    Oh, I get it now! “RePete!” like “repeat.”
    Is Pete’s younger brother, Pete, the RePete?

    What would Steam Greenlight be without a Minecraft clone or two?
    “or two thousand.”
    There, fixed it for you.

    Is this the evil version of Wisconsin’s own multi-talented recording artist Prince?
    Wisconsin, known for producing Prince and Sabin. Good job, Wisconsin. You be you.

    The best part of this game is the fact that the main character’s name is… John Doom.

    . . .

  2. What do you get when you cross scantily-clad women, zombies, Christmas presents, and renowned hero, John Doom together?

    The answer was crap. You’re doing the world a service by looking at these games so that the masses don’t have to.

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