Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 54

I wouldn't be too worried if I was the driver: there's no way this fire is real.

Realistic fire effects!

War Truck Simulator

I guess this is a game in which the player drives around some army truck and kills stuff. The game’s description makes it seem like the truck has some sort of special abilities, but those are never really shown. I have a feeling these “abilities” come in the form of unrealistic missiles and machine guns. Actually, the truck looks like something out of a box of army men toys, so maybe this game is based off Toy Story. I really like how one of the “features” of this game is that “in front of you difficult tasks, and you have to face it!” Again, this is a “FEATURE” of the game. I guess that makes sense in the world of Steam Greenlight. The game’s description also makes sure to point out that “this special car is entrusted to you, in which you perform your job!” Oh, because all the screenshots of JUST a truck made me think NO vehicles were involve din this game whatsoever. The game’s title did not help out with this either. Both the game’s description and the features keep mentioning that the player “has to be ready” for the missions. Probably because, unlike the real military, there will be no training at all on how to drive the truck or properly execute the missions. Oh, and whoever wrote this feature: “you have to drive through difficult terrain and at the same time not destroy your vehicle,” obviously has never driven a car in my area. The roads are in some serious need of repairs!

Best Comment: bubs the sloth: “why”

where the heck did these peppers come from?!

Wait, I thought this game was about numbers…

OddEven

Supposedly this is some sort of math-based game, in the style of Sudoku. Only the game’s menu looks really boring, tedious, and, well, crap. Actually, the game’s description will explain things a lot better than I can. “OddEven-game(puzzle generator)…” Oh, thanks for that little sidenote. I had NO clue. “…is lite, casual, features rich Desktop-game(as opposed to mobile and console games) with sharp graphics.” Really? You are going to claim this game has “sharp graphics” when the screenshots are right there. I do not think we are looking at the same pictures, or game even. Perhaps the writer of this description needs new glasses? Maybe he or she is living in opposite world, where crappy games like this are actually considered good. “It’s more like feature rich mathematical-software with full control given to players.” FINALLY! A game in which the player has “full” control! We have been waiting for this for YEARS. Ever since the idea of a video game was created. Finally. Finally the gamers are free. FREEDOM! FREEDOM AND PEACE! PEACE FOR ALL! THERE WILL BE NO MORE FIGHTING TODAY! “We have focused more on generic side of the game than speed.” What…. what does this even mean? “Generic side” of what? Also, does this mean the game will be slow and boring? I think yes. “We are planning to build on SteamOs if Greenlight and Macintosh(if we could afford one).” Again, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? I know I have said this before, but all potential Steam Greenlight developers listen here: IF YOU DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH, GET AN ACTUAL TRANSLATOR! Do NOT use Babel Fish, Google Translate, or any other automated translation service. PLEASE! “Try Demo for better judgement.” Like, just in life itself or better judgement in a specific area or subject?

Best Comment: Roberto Carlos CSGODiceGame.com: “ok”

This is not the Ellen Degeneres I remember....

Where can I start my journey to exit out of this game?

Porradaria 3: Final Dream

What would a Steam Greenlight Round-Up be without some crappy, handdrawn platformer? Especially a crappy, handdrawn platformer that is part of a series that nobody has ever heard of or played. I guess the player controls “The Ninja,” really original name, and fights alongside some sort of resistance group against some evil government. The game’s description brings up the fact that this game has both RPG elements and “Cyborg Ninja abilities.” I have a feeling that these “abilities” will be such gems as “double jump” or “hold down the button to charge up your weapon.” Amazing! Here are some other “features” in the game: “new exploration possibilities with the World Map.” I am not sure how an unreleased game can have “new exploration possibilities, but okay. “Item shop.” Yes. A single item shop. Wow. “Rich story line.” I bet the game’s story line, if there even is one, will be “rich” in blandness. “Memorable characters.” Memorable in the sense that the game will be so horrible you will have nightmares about it for years. Oh, and finally, “classic ♥♥♥♥♥daria Game Play.” Now, what this means, I have no clue. I have never heard of this type of game play. In fact, I am not even sure how one would even pronounce this. Oh, I think I know: “garbage.” Oh, but do not worry. The developer includes this line near the end of the game’s entry: “If this game haves enough votes, the top priority will be to finish it before developing anything else.” I have a feeling that whatever else the developer is working on is nothing special either.

Best Comment: Vault-Boy: “‘Finish it before developing anything else’ so you´re basically saying you only care about releasing as many games as possible and therefore making as much money as possible, and doesn´t care about us.”

2 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 54”

Comments are closed.