Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 55

Wow, here we have the final Greenlight Round-up of 2015! When I started writing these, I had no clue that they would be the most popular articles on Lusipurr.com. I also had no clue I would be locked in a windowless basement and I would not see my wife or kids for months at a time. Dear readers, if you have any heart or soul left in you, please call the authorities. Lusipurr is a mad man. I can hear him right now talking to his cat. That is all he does all day. He putters around the house in a bathrobe and mutters to his cat. Sometimes he yells at the fridge. Oh well. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

I just did them once, okay!! Don't judge. Prude.

This looks like a dream I had when I was on shrooms one time…

Bacon Tales

Do you want to play another generic-looking, cartoony tower defense game? Me neither, but this one is being made anyway! Oh, but here is the twist: it references bacon! I remember like a year ago when everyone on the internet was talking about bacon. Almost like it was the new “cool” thing to be into. 2014 was the year of the bacon meme. 2015 is the year of the pizza meme. What food will take over memes in 2016? We have yet to find out. I am guessing it will be garlic bread, only because I have a friend on Facebook that is constantly sharing posts from a Facebook page called “Garlic Bread Memes.” Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, right: this worthless game. It is not like this game looks bad, like most Steam Greenlight games, but it is just completely unnecessary. It is basically just your standard tower defense game, but the player builds up the defenses of the pigs in The Three Little Pigs story while they battle against the wolves trying to take down their houses. The developer also seems to be REALLY pushing the fact that pigs equal bacon and bacon equals funny. This real problem with this game is that tower defense games are a dime a dozen these days, so the game has to have a special twist to really hook players. This game does not have anything like that. Much like all of Steam Greenlight this is just another game that did not need to be made.

Best Comment: YoshiParty: “Looks kinda boring.”

What is up with our dude's hand?

What are we even supposed to be looking at here?

Aztecalypsis: The Curse

It is always a good sign when the title of your game is nearly unpronounceable and the first line in its description says that this is just an early version and the game will most likely look different on its final version. If your game is not even close to being completed, why are you showing it off for the world to see? Especially something that looks at horrible as this. Apparently in this game the player explores an “unknown area where the Aztecs lived.” I guess this area is so unknown that its graphic assets have not been finished yet. I have a feeling that the developer of this game read the Wikipedia article on the Aztecs, forgot everything that was written in the article, and then decided to make up his own facts for the game. Also notice that all the assets used in this game are from the Unity engine. I am willing to bet that all the plants and trees shown in the game are not native to Mexico at all. Maybe the palm trees and cacti, but that is it. I also enjoy that the game is described as an “action adventure game with an apocalyptic touch,” but one of the game’s genres is “casual.” I do not think those two things go together.

Best Comment: Knights: “Terrible… I really have nothing else to say about it.”

Seriously. If this is your definition of a porn star, you must have some REALLY low standards.

Ah, yes. The typical “homely-looking girl” pornstar.

Are You Smarter Than a Porn Star?

I think this is a first for Greenlight. A trivia game… starring PORN STARS?!!??!?!?!! WHAAAAAAAT? Oh, and by “porn star” I mean “some random semi-attractive girls off Craigslist who were willing to get naked for like $100.” Seriously, look at that girl in the screenshot. I am not saying she is unattractive, but she is definitely not porn star standards. Also notice that everyone is wearing a cheerleader outfit in this game. That is because this is just a rehashed version of an XBox 360 game called Are You Smarter Than a Cheerleader. That is always something that means your game is going to be GREAT! This game reminds me of The Guy Game for the PlayStation 2. That was another trivia game, only the player competed against random ladies who would then get topless if the player wins. You may remember that game for being taken off store shelves because one of the girls in the game turned out to be underage. I would assume that checking an ID would be the first thing one would do when filming a girl topless for a video game, but whatever. That is just my thoughts. I guess if you are 12 and your parents have some sort of internet blocking on for adult sites, this is going to be Game of the Year.

Best Comment: Souperzombie: “More extremely creepy and unfunny trash being dragged off Xbox Live Arcade and slapped on here. Ughh.”

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 55”

  1. Why answer trivia questions to see a woman’s naked boy when you could play Bejeweled? It just doesn’t make sense.

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